BACK

THETORCH 7'?m3f Christian bashing: show me the money

AMY -- (enters reading book)

LIZ -- (follows wearing sunglasses, carrying shopping bag, looks
both ways) Psssst! Psssst! (whispers) Hey!

AMY -- (turns) What.

LIZ -- I noticed you were just released from jail.

AMY -- It was a bum wrap.

LIZ -- It's a shame. I have a lot of money in here for the
person they call "the torch".

AMY -- Money? How much money?

LIZ -- (shows contents of bag)

AMY -- (closes book, reaches into bag) Hey! That's a lot of
money!

LIZ -- (withdraws) Not so fast. This money is for the person
they call "the torch".

AMY -- Well, I'm not making any admissions to any specific
charge, but if I was this afore mentioned person...

LIZ -- The torch...

AMY -- That's right, if I was "the torch", I would be the one
who prevented the closing of a certain fire station.

LIZ -- You wouldn't just happen to be referring to Fire Station
number fifty three?

AMY -- Not making any admissions, but a certain fire station in
that neighborhood was going to be closed as a cost saving
measure, until a series of mysterious fires within the operating
area of this certain fire station suddenly changed the plans.

LIZ -- But you got caught.

AMY -- Let's cut to the chase. The afore mentioned fire station
is still open for business. You're here with a bag full of money
because you know I get things done and that if things hit the
fan, nothing will come back and hit you in the face. What do you
want me to do?

LIZ -- I represent a certain minority racial activist coalition.

AMY -- Ain't you the wrong color?

LIZ -- I am but a middle man. My employer wishes to keep a
certain distance from this transaction.

AMY -- Plausible deniability.

LIZ -- You're smarter than you look.

AMY -- (shows book) I been doing a lot of reading while I was in
the lockup. I'm smarter now. So, let me guess. This afore
mentioned black activist coalition is in danger of going out of
business.

LIZ -- Donations are way down. We were thinking an insurance
fire might just...

AMY -- (holds up hand) ...I don't do that no more.

LIZ -- But, you're "the torch".  I thought....

AMY -- Oh, I can help you. But you don't need a fire. You need
what this guy (shows book) wrote.

LIZ -- "Mine Kampf"?

AMY -- Yeah. This guy Adolph Hilter...

LIZ -- That's HITLER.

AMY -- Whatever. This guy says all you need is a common enemy.

LIZ -- Well, that's the problem. We don't have any enemies.
Nobody in the world treats black people better than they do in
this country. Blacks get special treatment on college entrance,
special treatment in Army officer training, corporate
promotions, everywhere.

AMY -- Sounds like your employer has done his job. Why not just
fold up his tent and find something else to do for a living?

LIZ -- This coalition thing has been a gold mine! My employer
has gotten used to wearing two-thousand-dollar suits and
nine-hundred dollar shoes. Can we do business?

AMY -- Okay, if you insist. I'm your man. You can count on me.
(reaches for bag)

LIZ -- (withdraws) Wait a minute. If you're not going to start
an insurance fire, just what are you going to do to earn this
money?

AMY -- Find a common enemy, like the book says. (shows book)

LIZ -- I just told you, black people don't have any real
enemies, except for the lunatic fringe.

AMY -- This Adolph Himler...

LIZ -- That's Hitler.

AMY -- Whatever. This guy says that if you keep picking on a
group of people loud enough and long enough, people will start
to believe anything you say about them.

LIZ -- Like what?

AMY -- For instance, when a member of this group does anything
that gets them into the six o'clock news, you find something
about them that you can call racist.

LIZ -- Give me an example.

AMY -- If a member of this group makes a block buster movie, you
call him a racist because he didn't have enough black people on
the cast or crew of the movie. Or if a politician from this
group passes a popular law, you call him a racist because the
new law excludes black people.

LIZ -- What if the law has nothing to do with race?

AMY -- Doesn't matter. If it's controversial, the news media
will eat it up. You'll have contributions pouring in and your
employer will have plenty of money for his two thousand dollar
suits.

LIZ -- Alright. Sounds logical. But what group should we pick
on?

AMY -- You need to pick a group that is way under represented in
the news media, otherwise they might have second thoughts about
a controversy involving one of their own.

LIZ -- Like who?

AMY -- (pauses, holds up finger) Christians!

LIZ -- Good choice. Christians are too nice to fight back when
you attack them. Get to work. (offers bag) By the way, this
meeting never happened (turns, exits)

AMY -- (takes bag) It was a pleasure NOT doing business with
you.

SUE -- (enters opposite wearing sunglasses, carrying shopping
bag, looks both ways) Psssst! Psssst! (whispers) Hey!

AMY -- (turns) What.

SUE -- I noticed you were just released from jail.

AMY -- It was a bum wrap.

SUE -- It's a shame. I have a lot of money in here for the
person they call "the torch".

AMY -- Money? How much money?

SUE -- (shows contents of bag)

AMY -- (reaches into bag) Hey! That's a lot of money!

SUE -- (withdraws) Not so fast. This money is for the person
they call "the torch".

AMY -- Well, I'm not making any admissions to any specific
charge, but if I was this afore mentioned person...

SUE -- The torch...

AMY -- That's right, if I was "the torch", I would be the one
who prevented the closing of a certain fire station.

SUE -- You wouldn't just happen to be referring to Fire Station
number fifty three?

AMY -- Not making any admissions, but a certain fire station in
that neighborhood was going to be closed as a cost saving
measure, until a series of mysterious fires within the operating
area of this certain fire station suddenly changed the plans.

SUE -- But you got caught.

AMY -- Let's cut to the chase. The afore mentioned fire station
is still open for business. You're here with a bag full of money
because you know that I can get things done and that if things
hit the fan, nothing will come back and hit you in the face.
What do you want me to do? (beckons subtly, moves toward exit)

SUE -- (follows) I work for a certain religious antidefamation
league whose donations are at an all time low.

AMY -- (takes bag, exits backward) Have I got a plan for you!

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it.
Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances.
You may reproduce and distribute this script freely,
but all copies must contain this copyright statement.
http://www.bobsnook.org  email: bob@bobsnook.org

BACK