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TEAPARTY 8'0m4f Tolerance, inclusion, hospitality, priorities

(scene: round table C, four chairs, set with tea pot and four 
tea cups, four napkins)

ELEANOR -- (enters, wearing ornate hat crosses past table) Good 
afternoon, Sonya, darling!

SONYA -- (enters opposite, wearing ornate hat, hands forward) 
Good afternoon, Eleanor, darling.

ELEANOR -- (takes both hands) Thank you for coming to my tea 
party.

SONYA -- How nice of you to have me. 

(both kiss the air near each other's face)

ELEANOR -- Good afternoon, Florence, darling!

FLORENCE -- (enters wearing ornate hat, hands forward) Good 
afternoon, Eleanor, darling.

ELEANOR -- (takes both hands) Thank you for coming to my tea 
party.

SONYA -- How nice of you to have me. 

(both kiss the air near each other's face)

FLORENCE -- Sonya, darling, how nice to see you! 
SONYA -- Florence, darling, how nice to see you!

(clasp both hands, kiss the air near near each other's face)

ELEANOR -- (points to chairs) Please, have a seat.

BOTH -- Thank you, Eleanor, darling. I don't mind if I do. (sit 
in side chairs)

ELEANOR -- Would you like some tea? (sits in upstage, picks up 
tea pot)

BOTH -- Thank you, Eleanor, darling. I don't mind if I do. 

ELEANOR -- (pouring) Lovely weather we're having.

FLORENCE -- (pulls flask from purse, pours some into cup) Yes, 
it is.

ELEANOR & SONYA -- (eye florence as she pours) Lovely, yes.

(all drink in perfect unison, with pinky finger extended, set 
down cup, blot mouth with napkin)

ALICE -- (young, naive, enters, quickly, pants) Excuse me, have 
you seen a rabbit with a rather large watch?

ELEANOR -- Young lady, you are interrupting our tea party.

ALICE -- Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know this was a private tea 
party. (pants, crosses to table)

SONYA -- She's not taking the hint. 

FLORENCE -- She's not leaving.

ELEANOR -- Thank you for stopping by, young lady. Please don't 
let us keep you.

ALICE -- I'm sorry, I don't mean to intrude. But I am 
frightfully tired after chasing that silly rabbit. Might I sit 
down here? (points to downstage chair, as she moves toward it)

ALL -- (slide to chair on left) No room. (slide to chair on 
left) No room. 

ALICE -- Then, might I sit here? (points to upstage chair, as 
she moves toward it) 

ALL -- (slide to chair on left) No room. (slide to chair on 
left) No room. 

ALICE -- But there's plenty of room.

ELEANOR -- Young lady, this is a CHRISTIAN tea party.

(all drink in perfect unison, with pinky finger extended, set 
down cup, blot mouth with napkin)

ALICE -- Well, I am a Christian.

FLORENCE -- (laughs politely) The silly girl thinks she's a 
Christian.

SONYA -- Have you ever heard of anything so absurd?

ELEANOR -- Almost anyone can call themselves a Christian these 
days.

ALICE -- Well, I am a Christian. May I please sit down? (moves
toward downstage chair) My feet are killing me.

ALL -- (slide to chair on left) No room. (slide to chair on 
left) No room. 

ALICE -- Then, might I sit here? (points to upstage chair, as 
she moves toward it) 

ALL -- (slide to chair on left) No room. (slide to chair on 
left) No room. 

(all drink in perfect unison, with pinky finger extended, set 
down cup, blot mouth with napkin)

ALICE -- You're not being very hospitable. The Bible tells 
Christians to practice hospitality

FLORENCE -- (getting increasing tipsy) It does?

ELEANOR -- The Bible also says that Christians should wear 
proper attire.... 

FLORENCE -- It does?

ELEANOR --  ...especially to a tea party.

ALICE -- I've never seen that in the Bible.

SONYA -- Can you imagine going to a tea party without a hat?

(all drink in perfect unison, with pinky finger extended, set 
down cup, blot mouth with napkin)

SONYA -- I'll bet her church doesn't even have a pipe organ.

ALICE -- Well, as a matter of fact it doesn't.

SONYA -- See? What did I tell you?

ELEANOR -- You're not a Christian.

ALICE -- Yes, I am. I committed my life to the Lord.

SONYA -- Then, where do you stand on tolerance and inclusion?

ALICE -- I... I'm sorry, I don't know what that means.

SONYA -- She's not a Christian.

(all drink in perfect unison, with pinky finger extended, set 
down cup, blot mouth with napkin)

ALICE -- Yes, I am.

ELEANOR -- Real Christianity includes all races, creeds and 
colors....

ALICE -- ....Well, I believe in that....

ELEANOR -- ....Don't interrupt. I wasn't finished yet. 

ALICE -- Sorry.

FLORENCE -- (burps, head bobbing) Rude little girl. (pours more 
from flask, drinks directly from flask)

ELEANOR -- Real Christianity includes all races, creeds and 
colors, as well as other religions and alternate lifestyles.

ALICE -- Alternate lifestyles?

SONYA -- She's not a Christian. She's not tolerant.

(all drink in perfect unison, with pinky finger extended, set 
down cup, blot mouth with napkin)

ALICE -- Well, you're not very tolerant.

FLORENCE -- (burps, head bobbing) Rude little girl. (pours more 
from flask, drinks directly from flask)

ALICE -- You won't tolerate Christians without hats or churches 
without pipe organs.

ELEANOR -- Yes, but those things were ordained by God, just like 
the King James Bible.

(all drink in perfect unison, with pinky finger extended, set 
down cup, blot mouth with napkin)

FLORENCE -- (burps, head bobbing) Rude little girl. (pours more 
from flask, drinks directly from flask)

ALICE -- (points to Florence) Excuse me, but is that lady drunk?

ELEANOR -- It's just an alternate lifestyle.

SONYA -- See the intolerance?

FLORENCE -- (burps, head bobbing) Rude little girl. (pours more 
from flask, drinks directly from flask)

ALICE -- The Bible says "Be not drunk with wine".

FLORENCE -- It does?

ALICE -- And that's from the King James Version.

ELEANOR -- Well, we don't believe in the inerrancy of the Bible.

SONYA -- But we believe in tolerance and inclusion.

ALICE -- Well, if you don't believe that the Bible is the word 
of God, how do you know what to believe?

SONYA -- We believe in modern day prophecy.

ALICE -- Well, who is your modern day prophet?

ELEANOR & SONYA -- (point to Florence) Her.

FLORENCE -- I just had a vision from a salamander.

ALICE -- Oh, dear. This adventure of mine just keeps getting 
curiouser and curiouser. 

ELEANOR -- Well, Florence, tell us about your new prophecy.

SONYA -- Yes, does it mention inclusion and tolerance?

ELEANOR -- Feminism or new age?

FLORENCE -- (nods, snores)

SONYA -- She's obviously in a trance.

ELEANOR -- (pats Florence) Florence? Do you have a prophecy?

FLORENCE -- (snorts, wakes) Huh?

ELEANOR -- Do you have a prophecy?

FLORENCE -- Yes. (holds up finger for emphasis) Men are scum bags.

ELEANOR -- Oh, goody! More feminism!

SONYA -- Another victory for tolerance and inclusion. Now that's 
true Christianity!

ALICE -- Curiouser and curiouser.

SONYA -- Well, I must be on my way. (stands) Thank you for a 
lovely tea party, my dear Eleanor.

ELEANOR -- (stands, steps toward exit) You're most welcome, 
Sonya, dear. 

(both kiss the air near each other's face)

BOTH -- Love you. Mean it.

SONYA -- My turn to pour tea tomorrow? (exits)

ELEANOR -- Such a Christian servant. (waves) Bye bye.

FLORENCE -- (stands, staggers to Eleanor) Thank you for a lovely 
tea party, my dear Eleanor.

ELEANOR -- You're most welcome, Florence, dear. 

(both kiss the air near each other's face)

BOTH -- Love you. Mean it.

ELEANOR -- See you for tea tomorrow?

FLORENCE -- I might have another prophecy tomorrow. (exits) 

ELEANOR -- Such a Christian servant. (waves) Bye bye. (exits 
opposite)

ALICE -- (exits) Curiouser and curiouser.


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