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SPIRIT   4'2m?f The role of the Holy Spirit in Scriptures

TOM --- (enters reading his Bible)

FRED -- (follows) Oh, Pastor Tom, you're just the man I wanted 
to see!

TOM --- (under his breath without turning) I wish I could share 
your enthusiasm. (turns, aloud) Yes, Fred, what can I help you 
with? I'll bet you had another one of your famous revelations.

FRED -- Well, actually, yes I did. You know those people, the 
ones who call themselves "Spirit Filled" Christians?

TOM --- You're speaking of the "Toronto Blessing" and the like?

FRED -- Yes, can you believe that? I mean, they say they're 
being influenced by the Holy Spirit. But there's nowhere in the 
Bible where it says the fruit of the Spirit is falling over 
backward or laughing hysterically or growling like a lion, 
or....

TOM --- ...Fred, is this conversation leading somewhere?

FRED -- Yes. I have a solution to the problem.

TOM --- I'm sure you do.

FRED -- Yes, you know, the last time this "Holy Spirit" business 
happened, some of the "spirit-filled" crowd said that you're not 
even saved unless you speak in tongues. You know, this whole 
thing could have been avoided if we just didn't talk about the 
Holy Spirit at all.

TOM --- You think so?

FRED -- I know so. The Holy Spirit is more trouble than he's 
worth.

TOM --- I agree.

FRED -- You do?

TOM --- Yes. I think we should completely ignore all the books 
of the Bible that even mention the Holy Spirit.

FRED -- Gee, I thought I'd have a hard time trying to talk you 
into it.

TOM --- Beginning immediately, I will never refer to those books 
of the Bible again. 

FRED -- Good. Serves them right.

TOM --- Do you know which books those are?

FRED -- Well, no. I...

TOM --- ...Well, there's Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, Acts, 
Romans, both Books of Corinthians....

FRED -- All those Books?

TOM --- Sure. The Holy Spirit is only in all 27 Books of the New 
Testament and many books of the Old Testament. 

FRED -- He's in the Old Testament too?

TOM --- Sure. Remember, during the creation "The Spirit of the 
Lord hovered over the deep".

FRED -- He did?

TOM --- Yeah, but we won't even mention it anymore. And we'll 
have to explain the virgin birth some other way too. 

FRED -- The Virgin birth?

TOM --- Yes. We could maybe say that Jesus himself impregnated 
his own mother.

FRED -- Oh.

TOM --- And, of course, I'll have to give up preaching.

FRED -- You will? 

TOM --- Well, sure.

FRED -- Why?

TOM --- Well, I received my gifts of teaching and preaching from 
the Holy Spirit. If we deny the Holy Spirit, I would have to 
deny my spiritual gifts.

FRED -- You would do that?

TOM --- Well, sure. We wouldn't want those rascals from Toronto 
to think that there's any validity in this Holy Spirit 
mumbo-jumbo, would we?

FRED -- (shrugs) Gee, I don't know.

TOM --- Fred, I can't thank you enough for bringing this to my 
attention when you did. You're timing couldn't have been better.

FRED -- It couldn't?

TOM --- No. I was just preparing a sermon on Matthew 12:32.

FRED -- (scratches head) Matthew 12:32. I don't recall...

TOM --- It's right here. I was just reading it when you stopped 
me just in the nick of time.

FRED -- (looks on) Where?

TOM --- Right here. "Anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit 
will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come." 

FRED -- Wait a minute, Pastor Tom. Maybe we're going just a 
little overboard here.

TOM --- How would you know that, Fred? Could it be you have the 
gift of discernment? 

FRED -- The gift of discernment?

TOM --- No, I doubt it. That would be a gift of the Holy Spirit. 
We don't believe in the Holy Spirit anymore.

FRED -- Pastor Tom, have you been making fun of me?

TOM --- Oh, no, Fred. But I do need to know what sermon you're 
going to be preaching on Sunday.

FRED -- What sermon I'M preaching?

TOM --- Well, sure. Now that I can no longer claim my spiritual 
gifts of preaching and teaching, it's up to you to...

FRED -- (turns, exits) ....Oh, no you don't! You're not getting 
me up there.

TOM --- (follows) Fred, come back. Now that the Holy Spirit is 
gone, I need you.

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