BACK

SPIN     5'2m0f The secret to acceptance of evil: spin

BOB -- (enters with armful of books and files, begins crossing)

KEN -- (follows) Oh, there you are. (shouts) Pastor Bob!

BOB -- (turns) Yes?

KEN -- Do you have a minute?

BOB -- (looks down at books and files) Well, actually, I'm 
studying for my Sunday sermon today. Perhaps you could see my 
secretary and make an appointment.

KEN -- This will only take a second.

BOB -- Well, Okay. What can I help you with?

KEN -- I need your endorsement.

BOB -- My endorsement?

KEN -- I'm sure you've heard that I'm running for president.

BOB -- President? President of what?

KEN -- The United States. So, can I have your endorsement?

BOB -- I'm sorry, I don't even know you.

KEN -- Well, I go to your church.

BOB -- Well, I have a very large congregation. 

KEN -- Actually, you're large congregation is why I need your 
endorsement. I'm running on a Christian platform.

BOB -- You are?

KEN -- Yes. So, may I have your endorsement?

BOB -- Well, I have a firm policy against endorsing specific 
candidates for public office.

KEN -- You do?

BOB -- Yes.

KEN -- Why?

BOB -- Because what if two people in my congregation were 
running for the same public office, which one would I endorse?

KEN -- I see.

BOB -- (turning away) I'm sorry.

KEN -- Well, there is no other Christian candidate running for 
president this year.

BOB -- (turns back) Listen, I'd love to, but....

KEN -- Don't you want to see a Christian in the White House?

BOB -- Well, sure, but,...

KEN -- I tell you what. If you can't give me a public 
endorsement, maybe if someone asks you who you're voting for, 
you could tell them you're voting for me.

BOB -- Well, I don't know. Where do you stand on the Christian 
issues?

KEN -- You mean like education? I'm pro-education.

BOB -- No, I mean on issues like abortion.

KEN -- Oh, I'm personally opposed to abortion, but I'm 
pro-choice.

BOB -- Pro-choice is just a euphemism for pro-abortion. You 
can't be both pro-abortion and anti-abortion.

KEN -- You wouldn't take away a woman's right to choose, would 
you?

BOB -- I would, if she chooses to kill her baby.

KEN -- KILL is a rather harsh term. A woman should be able to 
control her own body.

BOB -- It's not just HER body that's at stake in an abortion. I 
would be pro-choice if the baby in the womb had a vote in the 
matter.

KEN -- (laughs) That's ridiculous! A baby in the womb can't 
vote!

BOB -- But you would take the life of a baby in the womb without 
regard to the baby himself?

KEN -- ME? I would never.... I wouldn't... Well, I would never 
take away a woman's right to choose.

BOB -- I see. How do you stand on homosexual marriage?

KEN -- Well, naturally, we don't want to be intolerant.

BOB -- So, you would favor legalizing homosexual marriage?

KEN -- My administration will stress tolerance and inclusion.

BOB -- So, you would tolerate and include a behavior that is 
strictly forbidden in both the Old and New Testaments in the 
Bible?

KEN -- Let me tell you about welfare reform....

BOB -- I would rather hear your stand on pornography.

KEN -- I suppose you're intolerant of that too. 

BOB -- Yes.

KEN -- See, that's where the church has overstepped its 
boundaries. You're treading on free speech there.

BOB -- There is no speech in dirty pictures. Any kind of sexual 
immorality is strictly forbidden in the Bible.

KEN -- Yes, but we can't impose our morality on the 
non-Christians.

BOB -- Why not? The non-Christians have imposed their morality 
on us?

KEN -- They have?

BOB -- Yes, by legislating from the bench, non-Christian 
non-elected judges have legalized the killing of unborn babies 
and limited the right free speech rights of Christians who want 
to protest the killings. They have also legalized pornography in 
towns where local lawmakers outlawed it.

KEN -- Well, you know, it really doesn't matter what you believe 
as long as you believe in it strongly.

BOB -- Are you sure you're a Christian?

KEN -- Absolutely. I'm against the death penalty.

BOB -- All five books of Moses command us to take the lives of 
those who take the lives of others.

KEN -- Oh. What about non-violence?

BOB -- Non-violence is not mentioned in the Bible.

KEN -- Well, it SHOULD be.

BOB -- Let me get this right. You would let murderers live but 
you would kill innocent babies?

KEN -- Well, no. But I AM for non-violence, tolerance and 
inclusion.

BOB -- Thank you.

KEN -- What are you thanking me for?

BOB -- You've just helped be decide what my sermon topic will be 
on Sunday. 

KEN -- What's that?

BOB -- Sugar-coating evil with cute little catch phrases. (moves 
toward exit)

KEN -- I don't get it. (follows)

BOB -- (exiting) Somehow I didn't think you would.

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it.
Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances.
You may reproduce and distribute this script freely,
but all copies must contain this copyright statement.
http://www.bobsnook.org  email: bob@bobsnook.org

BACK