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SMARTER  7'6m?f RT: Independence, constitution, bill of rights

(RT == Readers' Theater: requires little or no memorization,
little or no rehearsal.)

(scene: four music stands on one side, one music stand on the
other with a gap between)

JEFF -- (enters, crosses to gap between music stands) Hi! And
welcome to this special Independence Day edition of "Are You
Smarter than a Fifth Grader". Please welcome our special class
of fifth graders. (motions broadly)

(applause)

(four fifth graders enter and stand behind music stands)

JEFF -- And now, please welcome today's contestant, Joe Genius.
(motions broadly)

(applause)

(Joe enters opposite, stands behind the lone remaining music
stand)

Joe, are you ready to outsmart our panel of fifth graders in an
effort to win ONE MILLION DOLLARS?

JOE -- I'm ready. (pumps arm, poses like body builder)

JEFF -- Here is your first question, for one thousand dollars:
In which of these documents will you find the separation of
church and state?

a. The Declaration of independence. b. The U.S. Constitution. c.
The Bill of Rights. d. None of the above.

JOE -- Oh. Oh. I know this one! (head bowed, hand on back of
neck, circles)

JEFF -- Our panel of fifth graders have locked in there answers.

Once again, Joe, the question is, in which of these documents
will you find the separation of church and state?

a. The Declaration of independence. b. The U.S. Constitution. c.
The Bill of Rights. d. None of the above.

It's in the... it's in the Bill of Rights! (raises arms
triumphantly)

(buzz)

JEFF -- I'm sorry, that's incorrect. But fortunately for you,
Joe, you have three cheats remaining to help you. You may now
choose one of our fifth graders to cheat from. If the fifth
grader you choose has the correct answer, you will still win one
thousand dollars.

JOE -- I choose... Teri. (points)

JEFF -- Teri, in which of these documents will you find the
separation of church and state?

a. The Declaration of independence. b. The U.S. Constitution. c.
The Bill of Rights. d. None of the above.

TERI -- None of the above.

JOE -- Oh oh! I'm toast!

JEFF -- That's correct.

(bell dings three times, applause)

JOE -- No way!

JEFF -- Teri, can you tell our friend Joe where the separation
of church and state came from?

TERI -- It was invented in the late 1940's by an atheist who
didn't like to see children praying in public schools.

JOE -- Oh. Sure. I knew that.

JEFF -- Here is our second question for two thousand dollars: in
which of these documents will you find the right to privacy?

a. The Declaration of independence. b. The U.S. Constitution. c.
The Bill of Rights. d. None of the above.

JOE -- I know this one for sure.

JEFF -- Our panel of fifth graders have locked in there answers.
Joe, for two thousand dollars: in which of these documents will
you find the right to privacy?

a. The Declaration of independence. b. The U.S. Constitution. c.
The Bill of Rights. d. None of the above.

JOE -- Well, it's obvious. If it's a right, it's got to be in
the Bill of Rights!

(buzz)

JEFF -- I'm sorry, that's incorrect. You will now have to use
your second cheat.

JOE -- I choose... Jeri. (points)

JEFF -- Jeri, in which of these documents will you find the
right to privacy?

a. The Declaration of independence. b. The U.S. Constitution. c.
The Bill of Rights. d. None of the above.

JERI -- None of the above.

JOE -- No way!

JEFF -- That's correct!

(bell dings three times, applause)

JOE -- It can't be!

JEFF -- Jeri, do you know where the right to privacy came from?

JERI -- It was invented in the 1960's by the women's liberation
movement to justify abortion rights.

JEFF -- That's correct.

JOE -- No kidding! The 1960's?!

JEFF -- Joe, here is our third question for five thousand
dollars: True or false: You can't legislate morality.

JOE -- Oh, good. A true-false question. That means I've got a
fifty-fifty chance.

JEFF -- Our panel of fifth graders have locked in there answers.
Joe, for five thousand dollars: True or false: You can't
legislate morality.

JOE -- I'm sure I've heard that before. People say this all the
time. So, I'll say. TRUE.

(buzz)

JEFF -- I'm sorry, that's incorrect.

JOE -- Oh, man, does that mean you CAN legislate morality?!

JEFF -- Joe, you have one cheat remaining. If the fifth-grader
you choose has the correct answer, you can still win five
thousand dollars.

JOE -- I choose (points) Keri!

JEFF -- Keri, True or false: You can't legislate morality.

KERI -- False.

(bell dings three times, applause)

JEFF -- Keri, can you tell Joe about legislating morality?

KERI -- Sure. Morality is the ONLY thing you can legislate,
because all laws are based on right and wrong. For instance, we
have laws against theft and murder because it's wrong to steal
things and murder people.

JOE -- I never thought about it like that.

JEFF -- Joe, here is our fourth question worth ten thousand
dollars: What does the Bible say is the purpose of government?

a. To take money from the rich to give to the poor. b. To punish
those who do evil and to reward those who do good. c. To rule
with an iron hand. d. To create equality for all people.

JOE -- Finally, an easy one.

JEFF -- Our panel of fifth graders have locked in there answers.
Keep in mind, Joe, you have used up all your cheats. If your
answer is incorrect, you will walk away with nothing. So, for
ten thousand dollars:

What does the Bible say is the purpose of government?

a. To take money from the rich to give to the poor. b. To punish
those who do evil and to reward those who do good. c. To rule
with an iron fist. d. To create equality for all people.

JOE -- A. To take money from the rich to give to the poor.

(buzz)

JEFF -- I'm sorry, that's incorrect.

JOE -- D. To create equality for all people.

(buzz)

JEFF -- I'm sorry, that's incorrect.

JOE -- C. To rule with an iron fist.

(buzz)

JEFF -- I'm sorry, that's incorrect.

JOE -- Well, it can't be B!

(buzz)

JEFF -- I'm sorry, that's incorrect. Bari, would you like to
tell Joe what the Bible says about the purpose of Government?

BARI -- First Peter chapter 2, verse 14: "to punish those who do
wrong and to commend those who do right."

(bell dings three times)

JOE -- What about the poor?!

JEFF -- Bari, what about the poor?

BARI -- According to the Bible, giving to the poor is the
purpose of the church.

JEFF -- I'm sorry, Joe, you've used up all your cheats. You walk
away with nothing. What do you have to say to our audience?
(motions broadly)

JOE -- My name is Joe Genius and I am NOT smarter than a fifth
grader!

JEFF -- Bye bye, everybody! Happy independence Day!

(all wave and exit)

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it.
Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances.
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