SINS     5'1m2f Discipleship, freedom, sin, confession

HIM -- (enters running, carrying TV remote control, stops,
turns, crouches, ready to run)

HER -- (follows running) Give me that. (lunges)

HIM -- No way. (fakes, springs by Her, crouches)

HER -- (circling) You can't just steal it right out of my hand.

HIM -- Possession is two-thirds of the law.

COP -- (enters) Alright, you two, cut it out!

HIM -- (turns) What are you doing here?

HER -- Give it to me! I had it first! (lunges)

HIM -- (fakes, springs by Her, hides behind Cop, crouches)

HER -- Will you tell him to give me the remote control?!

COP -- Hey! I said cut it out! You two are acting like kids!

HIM -- I did it in self-defense! She's trying to watch my

HER -- And he wants to watch MY channel. (lunges)

HIM -- (fakes, springs by Her, hides behind Cop, crouches) See
what I mean? She's completely out of control.

COP -- Listen, you two, I'm not just here as your neighbor. I'm
here as a Deputy Sheriff. The Sheriff called me and told me that
the people next door called 911.

HER -- I didn't break any laws. HE'S the one who stole the
remote control right out of my hand. (lunges)

HIM -- (fakes, springs by Her, hides behind Cop, crouches)
Sheriff, arrest that woman. She's a menace!

COP -- Give me the remote control. (pause) Hand it over. (holds
out hand)

HIM -- Oh, Alright!

HER -- (holds out hand) Finally, justice is done.

COP -- (resists) Not so fast. What's this all about?

HIM -- This is all our pastor's fault.

HER -- Yeah, if you arrest our pastor, I'll be glad to testify
against him.

COP -- Wait a minute. I know your pastor. He's a fine and gentle
human being. What's going on here?

HIM -- Our pastor wanted to show us what true discipleship is.

HER -- Yes, we're SUPPOSED to be modeling discipleship to the
rest of the world.

COP -- I've got news for you. You're not doing a very good job.

HIM -- Well, we didn't think he could actually make it happen.

HER -- We had no idea he would go through with it.

HIM -- He asked the congregation how many of us would like to be
true disciples of Christ...

HER -- And, of course, we all raised our hands.

HIM -- We had no idea he had the power to do such a thing.

HER -- But he did it. He really did it!

COP -- Did what? What are you two talking about?

HIM -- Our pastor told us that the true disciple has freedom in

HER -- So, of course, we all nodded. Who doesn't want freedom in

HIM -- But he said that freedom in Christ means that we are free
to do anything that we would not be ashamed to see on

HER -- That seemed easy. I mean, compared to what appears on
prime time television, what I do can't be so bad. Right?

HIM -- So, without thinking, we all agreed.

HER -- We had no idea he could make it happen.

COP -- Make what happen? You still haven't told me.

HIM -- Somehow the pastor has arranged to display all of our 
sinful actions and thoughts on television.

HER -- Mine are on channel 173.

HIM -- Mine are on channel 174.

COP -- No kidding!

HER -- No kidding.

HIM -- It's so embarrassing.

COP -- (points remote control at audience back wall) Let's have
a look.

HIM & HER -- (shout, stand in front of Cop) NO!

HIM -- You can't do that!

HER -- Please don't.

COP -- (side-steps) Well, how else am I going to see what you
two are fighting about? I have to write SOMETHING in my report.
(points remote control at audience back wall)

HIM & HER -- (shout, stand in front of Cop) NO!

HER -- Please! It's too embarrassing!

HIM -- Can't we just... stipulate that we have some impure
thoughts and let it go at that?

HER -- Yes, we'll admit for the record that we have... BOTH done
and thought some things that we are not proud of.

COP -- Well, if you don't want your thoughts and actions to
appear on television, I think I know a solution.

HIM -- You do?!

HER -- Tell us!

COP -- The Bible says, "if we confess our sins, He is faithful
and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all

HIM -- So, what you're saying is that the sins that show up in
living color on channel 174...

HER -- ...And 173...

HIM -- ...those sins are... the sins we haven't confessed yet.

COP -- Probably. God doesn't remember your sins after you
confess them.

HER -- Oh. That's... that's almost too simple. (exiting) I'll do

HIM -- Hey, that's a much better solution than fighting over the 
remote control. (waits for Her to exit, checks one last time to 
see if Her is listening) Listen. Ah, I don't know how to ask 
this... Is it... necessary that we... she and I... confess our 
sins... to each other?

COP -- I think that if you've sinned against Her (points), you
probably ought to confess to her just to heal the relationship.
But, I suspect that if your anything like me, most of your
confession will be directed to God alone.

HIM -- (backs toward exit) Oh. Okay. Well, I'll just... (points
over shoulder) confess my sins then. Sorry for all the trouble.

COP -- Glad we could resolve it peacefully. (when Him is out of
sight, points remote control at audience back wall, pushes three
buttons, looks offstage, then back to imaginary TV, pushes three
more buttons) Rats. (exiting) That confession thing really works 
fast. 174 channels and there's nothing to watch!

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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