SELF     3'?m2f "You shall have no other gods before me"

AMY -- (enters clapping, crosses)

LIZ -- (enters opposite hurriedly) Hey, the audience really like 
me! Should I go back out and take another bow? (turns)

AMY -- Ah, no. They've stopped clapping.

LIZ -- (turns) No? But they really liked my performance. (turns) 
I think I should...

AMY -- (steps into her path) ...No. I wouldn't.

LIZ -- (turns) Well, why not? I got a standing ovation.

AMY -- Well, actually, of the 800 people in the audience, only 
seven were standing.

LIZ -- Well, that's still a standing ovation. (turns)

AMY -- Only seven were clapping.

LIZ -- (tries to get by) But they were clapping loud. 

AMY -- (resists) They were your relatives.

LIZ -- But I could tell that the others liked my performance 
too. Did you see them starting to smile about two-thirds of the 
way through my number?

AMY -- That's when I turned off your microphone.

LIZ -- You turned off my microphone?

AMY -- Your relatives were clapping because they couldn't hear 
you anymore. 

LIZ -- I wasn't that bad.

AMY -- You didn't rehearse that number at all, did you?

LIZ -- Why would I want to rehearse? I knew all the words. And 
I'm a great singer.

AMY -- Thank you.

LIZ -- Why are you thanking me?

AMY -- You just gave me my Sunday School lesson.

LIZ -- Sunday School lesson? What Sunday School lesson?

AMY -- It's about the First Commandment.

LIZ -- What does my performance have to do with the First 

AMY -- The First Commandment is "You shall have no other gods 
before me".

LIZ -- I'm a great singer. My singing didn't break the First
Commandment... did it?

AMY -- No. You didn't break any commandments. Listen, why don't 
you go meet your relatives... (tries to usher Liz to exit)

LIZ -- (resists) How did my performance remind you of the First 

AMY -- Let me see. How can I put this. Your performance reminded 
me of why God stresses humility as the first requirement for 

LIZ -- Excuse me?

AMY -- Take the Pharisees as an example. 

LIZ -- The Pharisees?

AMY -- Yes. They were the religious leaders of the Jews in the 
days of Jesus. But they were so smitten with their own 
perfection that they were sure that God no longer needed to send 
a savior. They knew the words. They didn't need to rehearse. 
They were perfect just the way they were. They didn't need to 
get any better. So, on Palm Sunday, when all the people gave a 
standing ovation for Jesus, the Pharisees thought they were 
applauding the wrong act. (sneaks to exit when Liz turns away)

LIZ -- (turns thoughtfully) You know, those Pharisees may have a 
point there. I mean, if a person really lives a perfect life and 
really knows his Bible, maybe there really isn't a need for a 
savior. I mean, some of us just have a knack for doing things 
right all the time. But what does that have to do with other 
gods? (turns) Hey! Where'd she go? (shrugs, exits)

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