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SATAN    6'2m?f Spiritual warfare, Satan, lies, deception

SATAN -- (enters running)

DEMON -- (shouts from offstage) Satan. Hey, Satan.

SATAN -- Oh, oh. (crouches on far side of podium or other
obstruction)

DEMON -- (enters, shouts) Hey, Satan, where are you? (to self) I 
would have sworn I saw him. (shouts) Hey, boss, are you in here?

SATAN -- Who wants to know?

DEMON -- It's me, boss, Damon the demon.

SATAN -- (rises) Oh, it's only you.

DEMON -- You hiding from me, Boss?

SATAN -- Hiding? Me? No. I was... tying my shoe. Yeah, that's
it. I was tying my shoe. What are you doing here?

DEMON -- I came to ask you if, maybe, you could reassign me,
Boss.

SATAN -- Reassign you? Why do you want me to reassign you?

DEMON -- I'm bored to death, Boss. I haven't wrecked havoc or
ruined any lives in years.

SATAN -- Who did I assign you to again?

DEMON -- (pause,tilts head) You feeling okay, Boss?

SATAN -- I'm feeling fine. Why?

DEMON -- You're Satan, Prince of the power of the air. You know
everything. Don't tell me you can't remember who you assigned me
to.

SATAN -- Keep your voice down! (looking both ways) They'll hear
you!

DEMON -- Hear me? Hear what? I didn't say nothing.

SATAN -- (loud whisper) If people find out... My goose is
cooked!

DEMON -- Find out what? That you don't know?

SATAN -- (claps hand over Demon's mouth) Shshshsh. Not so loud.
(steps toward exit, looks both ways)

DEMON -- Oh, know, don't tell me! Are you saying you don't....

SATAN -- (approaches with hand toward Demon's mouth) Shshshsh.

DEMON -- (loud whisper) Oh, Boss, are you saying you don't know
everything?

SATAN -- (looks both ways) I'm warning you, Demon. Not a word of
this to ANYone!

DEMON -- (laughs) Oh, Boss, you're such a joker. You're just
putting me on. You're just making fun of me. (laughs) The next
thing you're going to tell me is that you can't be everywhere at
once.

SATAN -- (loud whisper) Keep your voice down!

DEMON -- Oh, no! You're NOT kidding! You mean all this time...?
Listen, Boss, I was never the brightest angel in Heaven. But I
distinctly remember during your rebellion in Heaven that you
told all of us that you were omniscient and omnipresent just
like God himself.

SATAN -- I never used those exact words. I MAY have said
something that SOUNDED like that.

DEMON -- You lied to us!

SATAN -- Well, I didn't want to leave Heaven all by myself! I
had to say SOMETHING....

DEMON -- ...You lied to us and we believed you! We followed you
from Heaven, like sheep to the slaughter!

SATAN -- (proud) Yes, I was rather persuasive, wasn't I?

DEMON -- So, you're powerless... absolutely powerless.

SATAN -- (looks both ways) I wouldn't say ABSOLUTELY powerless.
Remember in the time of Moses, when God turned the Nile River to
blood? I duplicated that feat.

DEMON -- I remember. But you didn't even try to duplicate eight
of the ten plagues....

SATAN -- (hides face with hand, turns away)

DEMON -- Oh, no! That was a lie too?! You SAID you WOULDN'T try 
to duplicate those miracles. But the fact is you COULDN'T 
duplicate them!

SATAN -- Can you keep your voice down, please!? Things are bad
enough these days. You don't have to make them worse!

DEMON -- Worse? I thought things were going good. Or was that a
lie too?

SATAN -- After two world wars and the spread of Communism, I
thought I had mankind down for the count. But...

DEMON -- But what?

SATAN -- People are turning to Jesus in record numbers.

DEMON -- But you said... Oh,... No wonder the Bible calls you a
liar and the father of lies.

SATAN -- Just between you and me, it's the only weapon I've got
left. (points to Demon's nose) And if you breathe a word of this
to anybody, I'll....

DEMON -- This don't make no sense, Boss. Everybody still thinks
you're all-powerful. I mean, even Christians say that you put
thoughts into their heads. Are you telling me....?

SATAN -- People don't need any help injecting thoughts into
their heads. The same brain that injects dreams into their sleep
also injects juicy thoughts into their prayer time.

DEMON -- So, that's not you?

SATAN -- (boastful) Well, if they want to give credit to me, who
am I to correct them?!

DEMON -- So, you're... you're powerless.

SATAN -- (wags finger at Demon's nose) If you say that once more
I'll assign you to Antarctica!

DEMON -- No wonder I haven't been able to wreck havoc or ruin
lives. I'm as pow... I'm as you-know-what as you are.

SATAN -- Once the Holy Spirit in-dwells a believer, there's not
much we can do to them.

DEMON -- So, why did you assign me to that preacher?

SATAN -- Preachers don't fall very often, but when they do, they
keep more people from trusting Christ than ANY catastrophe we
could cause.

DEMON -- Oh, yeah. Almost every time a preacher messes up, it
ends up in the newspaper.

SATAN -- And so, since we can't be everywhere at once, we
concentrate on the people who can do the most damage, the high
profile Christians. (points to exit) So, get back to work.

DEMON -- Just one more question, Boss.

SATAN -- What is it?

DEMON -- How come you want me to get my preacher to preach
AGAINST you. Isn't that dividing the house against itself?

SATAN -- It's all part of the deception. The more we can get a
preacher to mention the name of Satan, the less he'll mention
the name of Jesus. (laughs)

DEMON -- (exiting, laughs) That's pretty devious, Boss.

SATAN -- (follows, laughs) Yeah, ain't I just awful?! (laughs
fiendishly)
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