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SABBATH  6'1m1f Remember the sabbath day by keeping it holy

(scene: two chairs separated by a small table with TV remote 
control)

SHE -- (enters, sits, picks up remote, turns on imaginary TV 
above audience) Come on, honey, the movie has already started.

HE --- (enters with cordless phone to ear, speaking to phone) 
...I know, but he's the customer. He should get what he paid 
for. (sits) Listen, I've got to go. I'll talk to you at the 
office tomorrow. (hangs up, puts phone on table) What did I 
miss?

SHE -- Pharaoh's daughter just found the baby in the basket.

HE --- Oh. (watches TV for a moment, picks up phone, dials)

SHE -- Who are you calling?

HE --- I just thought of something.

SHE -- It's Sunday. Can't it wait until tomorrow?

HE --- The transition was more involved than I thought (to 
phone)... Hi, Fred, it's me. Did you make any progress on 
that exception report this weekend?

SHE -- (exits, returns with steel measuring tape)

HE --- Listen, Fred, we've got to show them something tomorrow 
if we want to have any hope of keeping this account.

SHE -- Stand up. (pulls He to standing position, begins 
measuring his height, shoulder width, hips, writes measurements 
on note pad)

HE --- (stands) What are you doing? (to phone, paying 
half-hearted attention to phone conversation) Not you, Fred, I'm 
talking to my... wife... though that's not a bad question for 
you. It's not going to look very good for your department if you 
don't have some answers...

SHE -- (measures inseam)

HE --- (pushes hand away) Listen, Fred, I've got to go. But if I 
were you, I would sit down at my computer this afternoon and at 
least write down some dates by which you will have some answers 
for them. Yes. Yeah. Thanks, Fred.... (Hangs up, to She) What 
are you doing?

SHE -- (measures inseem) I'm just checking to see if they've 
made a swap.

HE --- (steps back) Swap? What swap? Who are you talking about?

SHE -- I'm talking about the body snatchers.

HE --- The body snatchers. Honey, are you feeling alright?

SHE -- Oh, I'm fine, but I'm quite sure that the body snatchers 
have my husband hidden away somewhere in a large green pod.

HE --- You're not making much sense. (feels her forehead) Are 
you sure you're not sick?

SHE -- (takes his hand, examines it) It sure looks like his 
hands. (enunciates as if He is a foreigner) What did you do 
with my husband?

HE --- I'M your husband. What are you talking about?

SHE -- Well, I married this nice Christian man who used to spend 
time with his family. He used to call Sunday his family day. But 
this new person, who looks just like him, doesn't have a clue 
what the fourth commandment means.

HE --- Oh that.

SHE -- (enunciates as if He is a foreigner)  What did you do 
with my real husband?

HE --- Honey, I tried to explain that to you a few weeks ago. 
We're going through a transition at the office. I've got to work 
a few extra hours. I told you that.

SHE -- You told me and the kids it would be just a few weeks. 
That was three months ago.

HE --- Well, it's taken a little longer than I thought.

SHE -- Well, if you're really my husband, then I suppose I 
should keep these measurements for your casket.

HE --- My casket?

SHE -- According to the Bible, the penalty for violating the 
Sabbath is death.

HE --- I didn't violate the sabbath. We went to church this 
morning.

SHE -- The Bible says you are not to do any work on the sabbath. 
And anyone who does work on the sabbath is to be taken out and 
stoned to death. Now, would you prefer to be buried in your blue 
suit or your grey one.

HE --- Honey, I know you're angry that I haven't been able to 
spend much time with you, but...

SHE -- Did you hear what Melissa said at the dinner table just 
now?

HE --- She was just joking.

SHE -- What did she say?

HE --- She said, "Who is that strange man down there at the end 
of the table." But...

SHE -- Your office hours are from nine to six. But you've left 
for work every morning before 6:00am for the last three months.

HE --- Yes, but...

SHE -- And do you know how many times you've called and said 
you'd miss dinner?

HE --- (sigh) A lot.

SHE -- Seventeen times in the last six weeks.

HE --- Honey, be reasonable. I...

SHE -- The Lord knew that men like you would take their jobs way 
too seriously, so, he invented the sabbath for you to rest. "Six 
days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day 
is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any 
work."

HE --- I will remind you, we are Christians. We are not under 
the law. We worship in Sunday, not on the sabbath, which is 
Saturday.

SHE -- Then which day have you chosen not to do any work?

HE --- Honey, be reasonable. It's just a few phone calls.

SHE -- Then let me put it in terms that you will understand. A 
few years ago, after you found out the women needs a minimum of 
twenty minutes of adult conversation per day, you promised me 
that you would ALWAYS make yourself available for adult 
conversation every day. 

HE --- I know where you're going with this....

SHE -- ....But since your company's TRANSITION, you have broken 
your promise almost every day for the last three months. So I 
did a little calculation. At 20 minutes per day, in the last 
three months, you have accumulated 1800 minutes or 30 hours that 
you owe me. At eight hours per sabbath, it will take you four 
sabbaths just to get caught up. So, what'll it be? Do I get my 
husband back on the sabbath? Or do I sue you for breech of 
contract?

HE --- Alright, you shamed me into it. (puts phone on table) No 
more phone calls on the sabbath. 

SHE -- What about the computer?

HE --- Alright, no more computer work either. (sigh) You're 
right, this transition thing has gotten way out of hand. I have 
really been neglecting my family. I should be able to trust the 
Lord to help me finish a week's work in six days. (arm around her 
shoulder, guides her toward exit) Come on.

SHE -- Where are we going?

HE --- We're going to have a family meeting just like we used to 
do on Sundays. I'm going to apologize to the kids for neglecting 
them. And I'm going to ask the kids to remind me to REMEMBER THE 
SABBATH DAY BY KEEPING IT HOLY. 

(both exit)

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