REWARDS  6'2m?f Salvation: works vs grace through faith

(scene: bare stage, except for podium)

FRED -- (enters, shouts) Hello! Is anyone here?

JOHN -- (enters, approaches) Hi, sorry to keep you waiting, sir. 
They usually call ahead when they send someone over from the 
pearly gates. Welcome to the Redemption Center. May I help you?

FRED -- Yeah, ah, is this where I trade in my lifetime of good 
works for eternal rewards in heaven?

JOHN -- It sure is! And, boy, are you going to love it here in 
Heaven, sir! You like to sing? You like to dance?

FRED -- Well, sure, I....

JOHN -- Everybody here in heaven sings right on key and 
everybody dances like King David himself. You play the piano?

FRED -- Well, no, I....

JOHN -- Well relax. Everybody who wants to play the piano here 
can sit down and play a Mozart Concerto flawlessly on the first 
try. Oh, and you should see the houses here, sir.

FRED -- Yeah, I really would love to....

JOHN -- Every house in heaven is a mansion. The Bible didn't 
exaggerate one bit. All mansions are built with gold inlays and 
precious stones. And, of course, you know your neighbors will be 
nice. They're all Christians. (laughs)

FRED -- (laughs nervously) Yeah, I'm really looking forward to 

JOHN -- (steps to podium) So, let me have your name.

FRED -- My name?

JOHN -- Yes, I need to look up your record.

FRED -- But that's a computer. (points at podium) I thought my 
record was in the book of life.

JOHN -- Oh, it is. The book of life is now on CD-ROM for faster 

FRED -- I see.

JOHN -- Yes, we just enter your name and the computer looks up 
your good works on earth, then it prints out the authorization 
for your rewards in heaven. Oh, wait till you see them: rewards 
beyond your wildest dreams! So, may I have your name?

FRED -- Ah, yeah, my name is Fred Nillman.

JOHN -- (types) Is that Nillman with two L's, sir?

FRED -- Ah, yeah. Two L's.

JOHN -- Okay, and faster that the twinkling of an eye, your 
records comes up here on the screen.... Oh, Mr Nillman, I'm very 

FRED -- Oh, thank you, it was nothing, really.

JOHN -- Oh, yes, it was, Mr Nillman. You were a very busy boy on 
Earth. Look here: six short term missionary trips to third world 
countries. I see here that you gave liberally to charities.

FRED -- ...Christian charities mostly. Does it say that?

JOHN -- Yes, donations to almost every Christians charity. 
Not only that, but you were also a Sunday school teacher.

FRED -- At two different churches. Does it list both churches?

JOHN -- Why, yes, it does, Mr Nillman. You were also on the fund 
raising committees for two church building projects. And it 
says here that you regularly visited people in the hospital and 
read to the blind. Very impressive, Mr Nillman.

FRED -- Anything there about the number of people I invited to 

JOHN -- Yes, it says here that over the years you invited 37 
people to go to church with you and many of them became church 
members. Well, Mr Nillman, that is quite an impressive array of 
good works for just one man.

FRED -- Thank you. I tried very hard. So, ah, what kind of 
rewards do I get in heaven for all my hard work?

JOHN -- (types) Well, let's punch that up. Uh huh. It says here 
that such deeds entitle you to one of the largest mansions here 
in heaven, one of our most expensive cars, membership to the 
most exclusive country club with unlimited use of the 
facilities, unlimited spending at one of our most exclusive 
clothing stores and best of all, unlimited access to the King 
of Kings and Lord of Lords.

FRED -- No kidding! Well, how do I collect all these goodies?

JOHN -- (types) We'll just print out the authorization and you 
can take it with you to the.... Well, what's going on here?

FRED -- What's the matter?

JOHN -- (types) I can't seem to get the computer to print out 
your authorization. And you can't collect your rewards without 
it. What is going on here?

FRED -- Is there a problem?

JOHN -- Oh, oh.

FRED -- There is a problem, isn't there?

JOHN -- Mr Nillman, who sent you here to the redemption center?

FRED -- Why, noone. There was a long line waiting at the pearl 
gates, so I just stepped out of line and came over here. Why?

JOHN -- Mr Nillman, your rewards here in Heaven are all 
predicated on the fact that you're a Christian.

FRED -- Well, if your saying I'm not a Christian, you're wrong. 
I AM a Christian. I go to church every Sunday. I say grace 
before every meal. I know that Jesus Christ is the son of 

JOHN -- Mr Nillman, even the devil knows that Jesus Christ is 
the son of God. The problem here is that the book of life says 
that you never surrendered your life to the Lord Jesus Christ.

FRED -- Well, I can do that.

JOHN -- But, you didn't.

FRED -- I can do it. I can do it now.

JOHN -- Mr Nillman, I'm sorry, but we're going to have to send 
you to secondary processing. Just step through that door there.
(points to exit)

FRED -- Secondary processing? What is secondary processing? What 
about my rewards?

JOHN -- Your reward is right through there. (points)

FRED -- (exiting) My reward. This way, you say? (from offstage, 
a fading scream)

JOHN -- (exits opposite) Have a nice eternity, Mr Nillman.

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