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RELATIVE 7'?m2f Relativism: there are no objective morals

AMY -- (enters running, carrying stapled essay, stops at C,
looks back, continues crossing with faked casual walk, stops
near far exit)

LIZ -- (follows a few seconds later, carrying stapled essay)
Don't tell me the office is closed today!

AMY -- (looks at watch) Ah, no. According to the sign on the
door (points) the office opens in five minutes.

LIZ -- Oh. (pauses, points to Amy's essay) I see you're entering
the writing contest too, huh?

AMY -- Yes. I wanted to be the first one to turn mine in. You
know, the reason I'm entering the writing contest is because I
heard YOU talking about it.

LIZ -- Oh, really?!

AMY -- Yes.

LIZ -- I don't know you, do I?

AMY -- No. We've never met. I just happened to hear you talking
about your essay with your friends at the coffee shop. The topic
of your essay really fascinated me.

LIZ -- Oh, really?! You're interested in relativism?

AMY -- Yes. First of all I like the name, (strokes hand across
the sky as if visualizing sky writing) RELATIVISM! Its sounds
really intellectual!

LIZ -- Well, as a matter of fact all the top thinkers in
academia are embracing relativism as a world view.

AMY -- So you said. I even like the intellectual sounding words
you used to describe the concept of relativism. (strokes hand
across the sky as if visualizing sky writing) "There is no such
thing as objective moral values." What exactly does that mean?

LIZ -- Well, the notion is that, since God is merely an
invention of man's imagination, everything that man gets from
this imaginary God is also imaginary. And since we get the
prudish Christian moral values from this imaginary God, we can
assume that Christian morals are themselves imaginary.

AMY -- So, in your view morals are imaginary.

LIZ -- Christian morals are imaginary. So, that means that any
morals we claim to live by are merely inventions of man's own
mind.

AMY -- So, you don't think there are ANY morals that apply to
everybody.

LIZ -- Absolutely not. The foundation of moral relativism is
that every person is now free to choose his own moral values for
himself.

AMY -- Don't you think that could be a little dangerous?

LIZ -- How could it be dangerous?

AMY -- Do you know what kind of person most thoroughly lives out 
the morals of relativism?

LIZ -- I'm not sure I understand the question.

AMY -- What do we call a person who unswervingly rejects the 
morals of society?

LIZ -- I don't know.

AMY -- We call him a sociopath.

LIZ -- I don't think that necessarily follows.

AMY -- You're not a sociopath, are you?

LIZ -- Of course not!

AMY -- But, I don't think you can live by your own relativism.

LIZ -- Of course I can!

AMY -- We'll see.

LIZ -- What do you mean, we'll see.

AMY -- We'll see how you feel about relativism after I turn my 
essay into the office. (points)

LIZ -- Why? What is your essay about?

AMY -- Here. (offers essay) Read it yourself.

LIZ -- (pages through) Wait a minute! This is MY essay.

AMY -- Yes.

LIZ -- Word-for-word!

AMY -- Yes. You act as if there's something wrong with that.

LIZ -- You're not actually going to turn this in!

AMY -- Sure. Why not?

LIZ -- That's plagiarism!

AMY -- No, actually, I'm going to turn MY essay in first. If you
turn yours in after me, YOU will be the one accused of
plagiarism.

LIZ -- You can't do that!

AMY -- I don't see why not.

LIZ -- Well, for starters, it's wrong.

AMY -- Well, according to your essay -- MY assay -- when each
person develops his own moral values, what's wrong for you may
not necessarily be wrong for me.

LIZ -- This is ridiculous! You can't just STEAL my essay!

AMY -- So, are you saying that there is ONE exception to
relativism?

LIZ -- Yes. No. Yes.

AMY -- Well, which is it? If relativism is right, there is no
moral rule against my stealing your essay. If relativism is
wrong, your essay is worthless. What relativism SHOULD say is 
(strokes hand across the sky as if visualizing sky writing) 
"There is no such thing as objective moral values, except that 
it's wrong to steal." 

LIZ -- That's not what relativism is.

AMY -- But you think I would be wrong in (takes essay) entering
this essay as my own. (holds essay out of reach)

LIZ -- Yes. (reaches for essay)

AMY -- Let me think about this from a relative perspective. As I
see it, the only REAL problem here is that if I enter this essay
into the contest and claim that it's mine, you'll complain about
it.

LIZ -- Yes, I will.

AMY -- Then, I have a relative solution.

LIZ -- What's that?

AMY -- I'll kill you so you won't complain.

LIZ -- (backs away) You'll what?!

AMY -- Oh, now I suppose that you think that there are TWO
exceptions to the rule of relativism. (strokes hand across the 
sky as if visualizing sky writing) "There is no such thing as 
objective moral values, except that it's wrong to steal and it's 
wrong to murder." Maybe I'll just injure you so that you'll be 
hospitalized until the contest has been decided.

LIZ -- You can't be serious!

AMY -- Oh, now I suppose that you think that there are THREE
exceptions to the rule of relativism. (strokes hand across the 
sky as if visualizing sky writing) "There is no such thing as 
objective moral values, except that it's wrong to steal and it's 
wrong to murder, and it's wrong to injure you."

LIZ -- I think you're mentally ill!

AMY -- Not at all. All I'm trying to do is to think as a
dedicated relativist. How about if I threaten you. No. I think
it would be more effective if I threaten you're family. If I
threaten you, you'll probably leave town and people will think
something is amiss. Yes. That's it. If you report my plagiarism
to the authorities I'll have your family's house burned down.
You wouldn't want that, would you?

LIZ -- You are sick! You are really sick.

AMY -- Oh, now I suppose that you think that there are FOUR
exceptions to the rule of relativism. (strokes hand across the 
sky as if visualizing sky writing) "There is no such thing as 
objective moral values, except that it's wrong to steal and it's 
wrong to murder, and it's wrong to injure you and it's wrong to 
threaten you." This idea of relativism is full of holes. (turns 
exits) No way I'm going to plagiarize such a lame essay.

LIZ -- Wait a minute.

AMY -- (stops, turns) Yeah?

LIZ -- Are you for real?

AMY -- For real?

LIZ -- Were you REALLY going to plagiarize my essay?

AMY -- No. I would never do that. I'm a Christian. We Christians
know that certain things are wrong for everybody, even for
relativists. (exits)

LIZ -- (pauses, examines essay) She's right. (shrugs shoulders,
exits) But it sounded so good when the academic elites talked
about it.

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