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QUIET    3'0m4f An attempt at quiet time is not quiet

SCENE: Mom enters, closes toilet lid, sits on it, down 
center, facing the audience, reading the Bible on her lap.  
Although all her children's lines a spoken from the wings, Mom 
delivers her lines toward the audience.

AMY -- (knocks on the door)

       I hafta go poddy.

MOM -- Amy? Amy, what are you doing up, you're not supposed to 
       be up for an hour.

AMY -- Jeffy woke me up. I have to go poddy.

MOM -- Can't you use the other bathroom, sweety?. I'm doing my 
       quiet time in here.

AMY -- Jeffy's in the other one... Oh, there he's out.

MOM -- Good. Now, you can both get back to bed.

       (looks up) 

       thank you Lord.

       (closes her bible, gets down on her knees beside the
       chair, pulls out her prayer list)

MOM -- Heavenly Father, thank you for a wonderful husband and
       chil...  

AMY -- Mom, Jeffy's going into the nursery.

MOM -- NURSERY?! NO! He'll wake up the...

BABY - Waaaaaaaaaaaa. Waaaaaaaaaaa. (cries continually)

MOM -- ...baby.

       Amy, can you get Jeffy out of the nursery and
       close the door.  Maybe he'll go back to sleep.  He's
       not supposed to get up for two hours.

AMY -- Yes, Mom.

MOM -- (putting down her prayer list)

       Father, every time I ask you for more patience, you
       give me another baby.  Is that your answer to my prayer
       or is that your sense of humor?

BABY - (cries more obnoxiously)

MOM -- Lord, PLEASE, put little Johnny back to sleep.

BABY - (Stops crying)

MOM -- Thank you, Lord.

AMY -- Jeffy's out of the nursery and Johnny's sleeping, Mom.

MOM -- thank you, Honey.

AMY -- I'm going poddy now.

MOM -- (Rolling her eyes)

       Okay, Amy.

       Lord, here are the people in our church who are sick or
       injured and need your comfort and heal...

AMY -- Mom, Jeffy's combing Fido's fur with my tooth brush.

MOM -- Jeffy, please don't comb fido's fur with a tooth brush.

       Okay. where was I? Healing...Healing... Paul Johnson, 
       Mary Matthews, and Barbara...

JEFFY- Mom, I'm hungry. When's breakfast?

MOM -- I'll be through here in a few minutes, Jeffy, right after 
       my quiet time. Can you wait a few minutes for breakfast?
       (beat) Jeffy?  (beat)  Jeffy?

       Father, I pray for our church building program. I pray 
       for a promotion for my husband Bob. I pray for a 20 
       pound weight loss for...

JEFFY- Mom, how many eggs do I need for waffles?

MOM -- Two. Father, I pray for a safe trip for Jean and Joe.
       A healthy pregnancy for Mary, a 20 pound weight loss
       for... WAFFLES?

       (wide eyed, doubles her speaking speed while standing
       and moving toward the exit)

       I pray for wisdom and guidance for the president of
       the United States, the governor and the mayor.  I pray
       for peace in the Middle East and in central America.

BABY - Waaaaaaaaaa. (cries increasingly to end of sketch).

MOM -- I pray for the success of the teen ministry and for
       more grade-school- and preschool- Sunday school teachers.
       I pray for new curtains for the living room.  But,
       Lord, please don't send me any more ... PATIENCE.  Amen.

       (Exits)


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