PROMO    5'?m6f Generalized promo to advertise church event

(editors enter one or two at a time, sit at conference table)

CHIEF -- (enters with armful of file folders, pen, stands at
head of table) Alright, people, this newspaper goes to press in
less than two hours and we still don't have a headline for the
front page. City Desk, what do you have that will sell

CITY EDITOR - Well, chief, as you know, mayor _________ (local
mayor) was accused of embezzling two million dollars from the
city treasury.

CHIEF - Well, that looks like a promising lead story.

CITY EDITOR - Actually, Chief, I'd rather see
________________________ (event) in the headlines.

CHIEF - I didn't know about the ________________________ (event)
. Sports desk, I suppose you want to go with the big surprise
about ______________________. (local sports hero)

SPORTS EDITOR - Well, yes, _______________________ (local sports
hero) did announce his retirement unexpectedly today. But if I
were you, I'd go with the story about _________________________

CHIEF - Business Desk, big news from Wall Street, huh?

BUSINESS EDITOR - Yes, it looks like all the economists are
predicting a big, big recession this year. But, I think the big
story is _________________________ (event).

CHIEF - National Desk, is it true what they say about the
scandal in the White House?

NATIONAL EDITOR - Yes, Chief, it looks like six of the top White
House aides are going to be indicted. But I think the voters
would rather hear about __________________________ (event).

CHIEF - International desk, what do you hear about the Russians?

INTERNATIONAL EDITOR - Well, the CIA has confirmed it. The
Russians have definitely reaimed their nukes at the United
States. World War Three is imminent. But I recommend we go with
__________________________ (event) for the front page. Did you
know that ______________________? (selling point of event)

CHIEF - Well, I guess that makes it unanimous. The headline will
read "____________________________" (event headline) I want a
sidebar about the impact on the sports world, the business
world, and from the White House.

ALL -- Yes, sir.

NATIONAL EDITOR - Oh, Chief, the telegrams and letters have
already come pouring in.

CHIEF - They have?

NATIONAL EDITOR - (hands telegrams and letters to Chief) Read
for yourself.

CHIEF - (scans pile) Look, here's one from the President of the
United States. (reads) My Dear __________: (pastor or event
chairman) I was looking forward to attending
_______________________, (event) but I was reminded by my
protocol officer that if I attended YOUR church event, the
non-establishment clause of the U.S. constitution, as currently
interpreted by the Supreme Court, would require that I attend
all ______________ (event type). And while everyone knows that
yours is the best of its kind, I regret I must put off my visit
until congress can pass a law allowing me to attend. Signed,
____________________ (president or first lady).

Well, I'll be! This _________________ (event type) is big!

(scans next letter)

I can't read this one. It's written in some foreign language.

NATIONAL EDITOR - It's from the Pope. He's German, you know.

CHIEF - The Pope knows about ___________________________?!
(event) Well, I'll be! (pages through other letters) Are they
all like this?

NATIONAL EDITOR - Mostly from politicians who want to kick off
their campaign at the church. They want to be associated with

CHIEF - Then, we'd better hop on the band wagon. City Desk, you
have a half hour to dig up some man-on-the-street comments about
________________________. (event)

CITY EDITOR - Way ahead of you, Chief. I've got three reporters
doing interviews as we speak.

CHIEF - International desk, I want you to contact the United
Nations Secretary General to see if he has any comments on the
impact of ________________________ (event).

INTERNATIONAL EDITOR - Already did that, Chief. Both the United
Nations Secretary General and the NATO chief are confident that
_________________________ (event) will promote world peace.

CHIEF - Well I'll be! This ____________________ (event type)
might have wider implications than we think! Is it possible that
we could make a connection to our sports page?

SPORTS EDITOR - Well, the Pittsburg Pirates and the Miami
Dolphins are currently in negotiations with __________________
(pastor or event chairmen) to ride this wave of popularity by
changing the nicknames of their teams. And the New York Yankees
are negotiating to have exclusive rights to a mascot in honor of
___________________________ (event).

BUSINESS EDITOR - While we're on the subject, Chief, I just got
confirmation that Disney Studios is doing a documentary on
___________________________ (event). Not sure yet whether it
will be aimed at television or movie theaters. But Disney stock
jumped ten points already.

CHIEF - Well, I'll be! (claps hands) Alright, everybody, let's
get started. We have a deadline to meet. Let's get busy!

(all exit)

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