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PRISON   5'3m0f The future for thoughtless husbands: prison

(Three men file out to DC from L, all are wearing hand cuffs and 
leg chains, facing R: Bugsy in front, Butch in back, Bill in the 
middle. All take a step R every few seconds. Butch and Bugsy 
have Brooklyn accents)

BUTCH --  (points at Bill) Looks like we got another new one, 
Bugsy.

BUGSY --  Will it never end, Butch?

BUTCH --  I told you it would happen, Bugsy.

BUGSY --  Don't blame me. I didn't vote for her. But I bet the
          new guy voted for her.

BUTCH --  You vote for Christian woman president of the United
          States, Punk?

BILL ---  Well, I ah...

BUGSY --  Don't try to deny it. You got CHRISTIAN written all
          over ya.

BUTCH --  Yeah. And if it wasn't for a Christian female 
          president, there wouldn't even be a prison for 
          THOUGHTLESS husbands.

BUGSY --  Yeah. Twenty years ago, there wasn't any such thing as
          THOUGHTLESSNESS prison.

BUTCH --  The democrats didn't do it!

BUGSY --  The republicans SURE didn't do it!

BUTCH and BUGSY -- It was them CHRISTIAN WOMEN!

BUTCH --  And you voted for 'em!

BILL ---  Listen! I had no idea...

BUGSY --  It's too late to snivel about it. Just keep your nose
          clean and do your time.

BUTCH --  What are you in for, punk.

BILL ---  Well, I really didn't DO anything.

BUGSY --  "I really didn't do anything". That's what they all
          say, right, Butch?

BUTCH --  Right, Bugsy. Five'll get you ten he's in here on a
          plea bargain.

BILL ---  How'd you know?

BUTCH --  What's your wrap sheet say, "Failed to tell his wife
          'I love you'"?

BILL ---  How'd you know?

BUGSY --  Typical first timers plea bargain. You'll out in 48
          hours, if you keep your nose clean.

BUTCH --  So, what did they really bust you for, punk?

BILL ---  My wife wanted to watch a love story on TV and I
          turned it over to "STAR WARS".

BUGSY --  Ooooo. That was thoughtless!

BUTCH --  Look who's talkin! Bugsy's a three-time loser. He's
          doing a 90 day stretch for reading the newspaper at
          the breakfast table instead of talking to his wife.

BUGSY --  She had it comin'! She wore curlers and a mud mask to
          the breakfast table.  I showed her!

BILL ---  Gee, 90 days!? For that!?

BUTCH --  Yeah, the judge threw the book at him because, just 
          the day before, Bugsy didn't buy nothin' for his wife's 
          birthday.

BUGSY --  Well, I'm a little gun shy, okay!? Last year I
          I bought her something, but she pressed charges
          against me anyways.

BILL ---  Why?

BUGSY --  Well, I bought one of those sexy little teddies, you 
          know, from Victoria's Secret.

BILL ---  Well, that sounds like a nice birthday gift...

BUTCH --  Heh, Heh, but he got 114 days in THOUGHTLESSNESS prison
          because he UNDERESTIMATED her bra size.  Heh, heh.

BUGSY --  I'm telling you, kid, you gotta be on your guard all
          the time.  Thoughtlessness always starts small, you 
          know, like forgetting to open her car door or failing
          to notice her new hairdo....

BUTCH --  Yeah, I got 48 hours in here because I failed to 
          notice that my wife lost 5 pounds.

BUGSY --  That's how it works. I copped a plea to "Not saying 'I 
          love you'", just like you.

BUTCH --  See, it starts small, then if you're not on your toes
          you're doing 30 days on a "thoughtless purchase" wrap.

BUGSY --  What a bum wrap.

BILL ---  Thoughtless purchase?

BUTCH --  Yeah, I went out and bought a set of golf clubs but
          the wife wanted a new pair of shoes and matching purse.
          
BUGSY --  10 days! What a bum wrap.

BUTCH --  Not as much of a bum deal as my latest wrap, huh, Bugsy?

BUGSY --  Now THAT'S a bum wrap!

BILL ---  What did he do?

BUTCH --  The wife has been reading all them CHRISTIAN books,
          like "Date Your Mate" and "The Alluring Woman".

BILL ---  Gee, I wish MY wife would read those books!

BUTCH --  Don't interrupt, punk!

BILL ---  Sorry.

BUGSY --  Yeah, Butch is kinda tender about the subject. In
          addition to doing 120 days hard time, Butch has to
          write a note of apology to his wife every day.

BILL ---  Why? What could he have possibly done to deserve that?

BUGSY --  Well, at the suggestion of THEM CHRISTIAN BOOKS
          Butch's wife met him at the door after work wearing
          nothing but Saran Wrap.                    

BUTCH --  She says, "The kids are at Gramma's and dinner will be
          a little late.  What do you want to do?

BILL ---  Wo! What did you say, Butch?

BUTCH --  I says "The Dodgers are on channel 7."

BUGSY --  What a bum wrap.

          (all exit)


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