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OMNI     5'?m2f Omnipresence: God is everywhere

LIZ -- (enters, reading Bible)

AMY -- (enters opposite hurriedly, looking back constantly, 
bumps into Liz, knocking Bible out of her hand) Oh, I'm sorry. 
(picks up Bible, reads cover, kneels, pleads) Please! You've got 
to help me. You've got to.

LIZ -- What do you mean, I've got to help you? I don't even know 
you.

AMY -- Yes, but you're a Christian. (points to Bible's title) 
Show a little Christian kindness, please!?

LIZ -- Alright. (helps Amy to her feet) But you don't have to 
beg. What do you want me to help you with?

AMY -- With the voice... the voice in my head.

LIZ -- Backs away. I think maybe you need a Psychiatrist.

AMY -- No, you don't understand. I've seen a psychiatrist. I 
took a whole battery of tests. He says I don't fit the profile 
of a paranoid schizophrenic.

LIZ -- Then, maybe you should have your ears examined.

AMY -- I've done that too. I'm in perfect health. I have no 
abnormalities at all.

LIZ -- I'm sure.

AMY -- I even went to a specialist, you know, the one who checks 
your teeth to see if your fillings will receive the local radio 
signal.

LIZ -- And?

AMY -- Nothing. There's absolutely no reason for hearing a 
voice. 

LIZ -- What does the voice sound like?

AMY -- It's a male voice. A soft male voice. He sounds like he 
knows me.

LIZ -- What does he say?

AMY -- He just calls my name.

LIZ -- That's it? He just calls your name?

AMY -- That's all I give him a chance to say. After he calls my 
name, I usually freak out and turn on the stereo to full volume. 

LIZ -- And then the voice goes away?

AMY -- I don't know. I'm afraid to turn the sound down. I only 
hear the voice when it's quiet. So, I never let it be quiet.

LIZ -- How do you sleep?

AMY -- I sleep in front of the TV set with the volume up full.

LIZ -- How can you sleep with all that noise?

AMY -- I can't. It's driving me nuts. Sometimes, you know, like 
on Sunday night when the TV station goes off the air in the wee 
hours of the morning, the silence wakes me up.

LIZ -- And you hear the voice again?

AMY -- Clear as a bell. I can't get away from him. I dragged my 
mattress up to the attic and tried sleeping up there.

LIZ -- No luck?

AMY -- No. Then I dragged my mattress into the basement and 
tries to sleep down there.

LIZ -- No luck there either?

AMY -- As soon as I get settled and close my eyes... 
(demonstrates) "Amy". "Amy" (eyes open wide) I can't get away 
from him! I even tried sleeping in a deep cave way under ground 
once, thinking maybe the radio waves would be absorbed by the 
dirt and the rocks.

LIZ -- And?

AMY -- "Amy" "Amy"

LIZ -- Oh, dear.

AMY -- I even cashed in some of my mutual funds and bought a 
plane ticket to Bali. Do you know where Bali is?

LIZ -- Well, I...

AMY -- I'll tell you where Bali is. It's all the way around the 
world. It's as far from here as you can get. If you go any 
further away, you start getting closer to home again. There are 
no phones, no TV sets, no faxes, no computers. It's isolated, as 
far away from civilization as you can get.

LIZ -- And?

AMY -- "Amy" "Amy"

LIZ -- I assume that your name is Amy.

AMY -- This isn't funny. The moment I close my eyes. There's 
that voice.

LIZ -- I think I know who the voice is.

AMY -- I'm not sure I want to know who it is. I just want to 
know how to get rid it.

LIZ -- It's God.

AMY -- I told you, I don't want to know! Why did you tell me?!

LIZ -- He's the only person in the universe who is not limited 
by time and space.

AMY -- Why did you tell me who it is? I didn't want to know!

LIZ -- You're a Christian, aren't you?

AMY -- How did you know?

LIZ -- Not many people actually get to hear the voice of God 
himself.

AMY -- I wish you hadn't told me who it was. You really should 
have kept it to yourself.

LIZ -- You knew it was Him, didn't you?

AMY -- Well, I suspected. You know, you didn't have to confirm 
it.

LIZ --  What did you do? Did you make a vow to Him and now you 
don't want to pay off your vow?

AMY -- How did you know that? Did He tell you that?

LIZ -- No. I'm just guessing why you wouldn't want to know who's 
calling your name.

AMY -- I should know better than to talk to a Christian. You 
know, you ruined everything.

LIZ -- What do you mean?

AMY -- Because of you, I am now going to end up in a mosquito 
infested swamp in South America or something.

LIZ -- I'm sorry, but I wasn't the one who made the vow. Do you 
want to tell me about it?

AMY -- (sigh) I was on an flight from Dallas last month, when we 
hit a thunder storm -- turbulence like you would not believe! I 
thought sure the plane was going to crash, so I said, "Lord, if 
you save me, I'll serve you anywhere you want me to go." 

LIZ -- And now the Lord wants you to make good on your vow.

AMY -- I hate snakes. He's probably going to send me to Africa, 
where the snakes swallow you whole.

LIZ -- What's the matter? You don't think that the God who saved 
your entire plane from crashing and who can follow you 
effortlessly around the world can protect you from few mosquitos 
or snakes?

AMY -- I never thought about it like that. You think?

LIZ -- (continues on toward exit) Serving the Lord couldn't be any 
worse than trying to sleep with the TV on at full volume, could 
it?

AMY -- (follows) Do you really think he could protect me?

LIZ -- He's not only omnipresent, he's omnipotent. He's all 
powerful too.

AMY -- I sure wish I'd known that before I spend $2500 on a 
plane ticket to Bali.

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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