MUTATION 6'1m1f Evolution by mutation and natural selection

(both characters wear hooded capes that hide their faces)

HIM -- (enters looks around, reads small hand-drawn map, looks
around, crosses cautiously) Hello? Does anybody live here?

HER -- (from offstage opposite) Don't come any closer!

HIM -- (steps back) I come in peace.

HER -- (enters cautiously carrying tree branch) I have a stick.
I'll bash your brains out if you try anything.

(both characters make eye contact briefly, turn toward audience,
avoid eye contact with each other)

HIM -- Oh, I would never... I'm not that kind of person.

HER -- You talk funny. You're not from around here.

HIM -- No. As a matter of fact, I traveled half way around the
world to come here.

HER -- You talk like the world is round.

HIM -- Oh. Didn't you know? The world IS round. I crossed two 
oceans to get here.

HER -- Two oceans?

HIM -- Yes.

HER -- What's an ocean?

HIM -- Listen, time is of the essence. Could we save the
geography lesson for another time?

HER -- You're just like all the others. You're going to use me
and abuse me, then you're going to leave me alone out here all
by myself.

HIM -- No, I'm not like that. I came here to establish a
relationship with you, if you're the one I'm looking for.

HER -- Who are you looking for?

HIM -- I was looking for a mutant.

HER -- I'm a mutant. Did you come to make fun of me?

HIM -- No. No, just the opposite. I came to... to mate with you.

HER -- I knew it. You're just like all the others. You came to
use me and make fun of me because I am a mutant.

HIM -- No. No. Not at all. I'm a mutant too. If you have the
same mutation I have, we could get married and have children.

HER -- I can't have children. The pretty people tell me that
mutants can't have children.

HIM -- I've done some research on the subject. I think they
might be wrong.

HER -- I don't think so. The pretty people used me several
times. I never had babies.

HIM -- The problem is your mutation.

HER -- That's what I've been telling you.

HIM -- No. What I'm saying is, I don't think your mutation
causes you to be infertile.

HER -- Then, why are all the pretty people having babies and I'm

HIM -- I have a new theory.

HER -- A theory?

HIM -- Yes, it's call the theory of evolution.

HER -- Evolution?

HIM -- Yes. According to the theory of evolution, some
mutations, like ours produce a whole new species. I call my


HIM -- Yes, that's a whole new kind of animal. According to the
theory of evolution, if you're a HOMO SAPIENS, you can only make
a baby with another HOMO SAPIENS, like me.

HER -- Oh. So... You want to get married?

HIM -- Well, I'm not sure we should rush into things here. If we
don't have the same mutation, we wouldn't be the same species.
If we're not the same species, we wouldn't be able to have

HER -- Oh. I see. (turns to exit) Well, it's been nice knowing

HIM -- Wait! Where are you going?!

HER -- (turns to audience) It's no use. In order to find out if
we're the same species, you're going to want to look at me.

HIM -- Yes. So?

HER -- So, when you look at me, you're going to see that I'm a
mutant and you won't want to marry someone who looks like me.

HIM -- You forget, I'm a mutant too. If what they say is true,
you and I have the same mutation.

HER -- Oh. Yeah. Maybe so. (turns to exit) But, I've been
disappointed before, I don't think....

HIM -- Wait! Time is of the essence!

HER -- (turns) What does that mean?

HIM -- I mean, I've calculated the odds against a mutation that
creates a new species. The odds are billions to one! I've
searched the world for years to find someone with my mutation. I 
was lucky to find you. And I was even luckier that someone with 
my mutation was of the opposite sex. If one of us was a 
different sex, we would both be the last of our species. Can't 
you see the implications of this?! The odds against someone 
being born with our mutation is billions to one. The odds 
against two people being born with the same mutation in the same 
century are astronomical! If we don't get married and have 
babies, our species may never evolve again! We have an 
obligation to get married and have babies.

HER -- Oh. When you put it like that... Alright. I'll show you
what I look like, but, I'll warn you, I'm not like the pretty
people. (pulls back hood)

HIM -- (gasps) Eoooo! You are really ugly.

HER -- Well thank you very much. Tell me something I don't know.

HIM -- I mean, I thought the female of my species would be...
well, prettier. I mean, you don't have any hair on your face at
all! You don't have any hair on your neck! Your face is as bald
as an egg! Your eye brows are almost non-existent!

HER -- You really know how to make a girl's heart warm.

HIM -- I'm sorry. I thought I would be attracted to someone of
my own species. But, but...

HER -- Well, now that you have totally wrecked my self-image,
let me see what the male of my species looks like.

HIM -- (pulls back hood)

HER -- (gasps) Well, I finally found someone uglier than me!
Your face is almost as bald as mine! And look at the size of
that chin! You don't look anything like the pretty people! You
are really ugly!

HIM -- I can't believe I traveled half way around the world to
find.... THIS! I really expected to be attracted to a female of
my own species. But there is no way I'm marrying such an ugly

HER -- (exiting) The feeling is mutual.

HIM -- (exiting opposite) Funny! The theory of evolution looked
so good on paper!

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it.
Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances.
You may reproduce and distribute this script freely,
but all copies must contain this copyright statement.  email: