MOTHER   4'2m3f Mother's Day (off)

(all entrances and exits left side, except at end of skit)

MOM --- (enters wearing bib apron, crosses to podium, immerses 
hands in imaginary dishwater)

DAD --- (enters with open Bible) Honey, can I talk to you a 

MOM --- This must be important for you to interrupt your morning 
quiet time. I know! You came in to help me do the dishes.

DAD --- Dream on. No, actually, I just wanted to talk to you 
about what I was reading in Proverbs 31.

MOM --- Yes, isn't that interesting?

DAD --- Interesting? So, you know what I'm talking about?

MOM --- Yes, it's interesting that the author talks about evil
harlots and adultresses all through Proverbs, but he waits until
the last half of the very last chapter to talk about the ideal
wife and mother. It's just like a man.

DAD --- Well, you have to admit, this woman in Proverbs 31  
really has it together. You know, you could take a few lessons 
from her.

MOM --- You mean the part about spinning wool and flax, or the 
part about making sashes?

DAD --- See, there you go, making light of the wisest man who 
ever lived. 

MOM --- Oh, I know! You interrupted your quiet time to come out 
here to tell me about the verse that says: "Her children arise 
and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her."

DAD --- Well, not exactly. You know you really ought 
to....(points at Bible)

JOHN -- (enters barefoot, interrupts) Mom, have you seen my 
soccer shoes?

MOM --- One is under your bed. The other made its way into the 
clothes hamper. It's on the dryer.

JOHN -- Did you patch up the hole in my soccer socks?

MOM --- Yes, they're in your sock drawer.

JOHN -- (exits) Okay.

DAD --- Now, as I was saying....

MOM --- Hold on a minute.

DAD --- Why?

MOM --- He didn't ask about his shin guards.

JOHN -- (enters) Mom, have you seen my shin guards?

MOM --- (smiles) You left them in the back seat of the car after 
practice yesterday. 

JOHN -- (exits) Okay, I'll put them on on the way to the game.

DAD --- Now, as I was saying....

ALLY -- Mom, did you pick up my red dress from the dry cleaners?

MOM --- It's hanging on the left side of your closet.

ALLY -- (runs to exit) Oh, good. 

DAD --- Now, about the ideal woman. Solomon talks about....

MEL --- (enters) Mom, did you hem the cuffs on those blue slacks 
yet? All the girls are wearing slacks to the youth group rally 

MOM --- Yes. They're on the sewing table. 

MEL --- (runs to exit) Oh, cool.

MOM --- While you're in there... Oh, well, she'll be back. What 
were you saying, Hon?

ALLY -- (enters) Mom, it's not in my closet.

MOM --- Your other left.

ALLY -- (exiting) Why didn't you say the other side?

MEL --- (enters) Mom, have you seen my white blouse, you know 
the one that with...

MOM --- It's on the ironing board, right next the sewing table. 
I just ironed it.

MEL --- Oh, cool. (turns, turns back) By the way, Mom, you've 
gotta help me with my science project some time today. I don't 
want to bother with it tomorrow.

MOM --- Check the computer. I just downloaded a science project 
proposal similar to yours from the Internet. We can use it to 
help us with the wording on your proposal.

MEL --- Oh, cool. (exits)

MOM --- Okay, what were you saying about Proverbs?

DAD --- (closes Bible) Nothing. It can wait. By the way, why
doesn't Melissa want to bother you with her science project 

MOM --- We have reservations at Anthony's right after church 
tomorrow, remember?

DAD --- It's Mother's Day tomorrow! Say, listen, Honey, I just 
remembered I have some shopping to do. I'll see you later. 
(kisses her on the cheek, exits R)

ALLY -- (enters) Did somebody mention going shopping? (shouts to 
Dad) Daddy, wait up. I'm going shopping with you.

MOM --- (takes $5 out of apron, holds it over shoulder)

ALLY -- Mom, can I have my allowance. (notices money, snatches 
it, exiting R) Oh, thanks. See ya.

MEL --- (enters, shouts) Daddy, wait up.

MOM --- (takes $5 out of apron, holds it over shoulder)

MEL --- Mom, can I.... (takes money) Oh, cool. (exits R)

JOHN -- (enters) Is it really Mother's Day tomorrow?

MOM --- (takes $5 out of apron, holds it over shoulder) Yes, it 

JOHN -- (takes money) Oh, thanks, Mom. (shouts) Dad, wait, I'm 
going with. (exits R)

MOM --- (shouts) Don't forget, you have a soccer game at noon. 
(takes check book out of apron, holds it over shoulder)

DAD --- (enters R) Honey, have you seen the.... (takes 
check book) ...check book. What would I ever do without you? 
(kisses her on the cheek, exits R on Mom's line)

MOM --- (dries hands on apron, smiles, exiting L) I don't know. 
I'll go check Proverbs 31.

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