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MERCY    6'2m1f The distinction between Grace and Mercy

EDDY -- (in his late teens, enters, blows on microphone) Is this 
thing on? Testing, testing, one, two, three. Yeah, okay, we're 
on the air. (to audience) So, ah, this is Eddy with another 
excellent interview. See, I'm a reporter. But, see, currently 
I'm without a job. So, I, like, borrowed the facilities of some 
rich dude's TV station an', well, if you like this fascinatin' 
interview, just remember, my name is Eddy and I need a job. 
You'll have to excuse me, see, 'cuz I have to hurry and do this 
interview and get out of here. That way the cops won't catch me. 
So, I'm Eddy. And I'm a reporter and ... did I mention that I 
need a job? Anyways, my exclusive interview today is with two 
identical twins and their names are Grace and Mercy. And, get 
this: they're angels, you know? ...like from heaven. (to Mercy) 
So, ah, what is your name?

MERCY - (masculine woman, dressed in cop's uniform, enters)
My name is Mercy. You wanna make somethin' of it?

EDDY -- (to audience) See, I already knew her name. But reporter 
are supposed to ask junk like that. (to Mercy) So, ah, you were 
supposed bring your twin sister.

MERCY - You mean Grace? She's always runnin' off saving people's 
lives or patchin' things up somewhere. I don't know where she 
is. She makes me puke.

EDDY -- (to audience) So, ah, did you notice how I'm, like, not 
flustered when one of my guests doesn't show up? See, that's a 
mark of a excellent reporter. Did I mention that I'm looking for 
a job? My name is Eddy. So, ah, back to the interview. Notice 
now, how I inject controversy into the interview with carefully 
selected questions. (to Mercy)  So, ah, I was expecting that, 
since you was angels and all, that you would be dressed nicer. 

MERCY - You don't like the way I dress, kid? 

EDDY -- I didn't mean no offense or nothin', but I mean, ah, I 
just didn't expect to see two angels named Grace and Mercy 
dressed in police uniforms. 

MERCY - Somethin' wrong with my uniform, kid? 

EDDY -- No. It's a nice uniform as uniforms go. And, oh, by the 
way, that's the biggest gun I ever seen. 

MERCY - The wages of sin is death, you know. 

EDDY -- (gulp) Ah, yeah, I read that somewhere. Ah, let's see, 
Romans 6:23, right? 

MERCY - Don't patronize me boy. Patronizing me might be  
construed as a sin and the wages of sin is DEATH. 

EDDY -- Ah, yeah, so you said. Say, listen, ah, don't take no 
offense or nothing, but I'm supposed to ask some personal 
stuff. Don't take this the wrong way, but I kind of expected 
an angel named MERCY to be, well, ah, nicer. 

MERCY - Kid, you ain't seen nothin. You shoulda seen me in the 
old days. 

EDDY -- The old days? 

MERCY - Yeah, you know, in Old Testament times, before Jesus made 
us holster our sidearms, before he changed our names. 

EDDY -- So, ah, Jesus changed your name, huh? (smiles at 
audience)

MERCY - Yeah, he gets a kick out of that kind of stuff.  
Remember, he changed Simon's name to Peter and Saul's name to 
Paul. He says changing their names makes them change the way 
they look at themselves. 

EDDY -- So, ah, what was your name before he changed it to 
Mercy? 

MERCY - My name was Fire and Grace's name was Brimstone. 
Remember what happened to Sodom and Gomorrah? 

EDDY -- That was you? 

MERCY - They had it coming. So, the chief unleashed his two best 
angels of death on 'em. We pulled out our sidearms and Kapping, 
Kapping. When we finished with 'em, there was nothin' but ashes 
and smoke. Boy, we were good! 

EDDY -- Ah, say, ah, listen, ah, you wouldn't, ah,... 

MERCY - Naw! Jesus made us holster our sidearms. You're safe... 
for now. (chuckles) 

EDDY -- So, you don't, like, kill nobody no more, huh? 

MERCY - Nah, sometimes I'd like to. Some people got it coming. 
But, Mercy is my name and mercy is my game. I'm supposed to be a 
uniformed presence, a constant reminder to Christians that they 
had it comin' but they skated by. If I had my way, whenever 
somebody messes up, I'd punch his ticket. Kapping. Kapping. I say 
kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out. But, noooo! I gotta stand 
around with my arms folded, looking like a rent-a-cop. Mercy. 
What kind of name is that for an angel of death? 

EDDY -- So, ah, the Lord won't even let you blast away at the 
nonChristians? 

MERCY - What for? I mean, look at what the sinners are doing to 
themselves: wars, drugs, disease. It's like an angel of death 
couldn't make a living these days, even if she wanted to. 

EDDY -- Did ya ever think about changing jobs? 

MERCY - Now way. When Jesus comes again, he'll take the  
Christians out of the line of fire and then watch my smoke. 

EDDY -- Kapping. Kapping. 

MERCY - You got it, kid. Grace and Mercy become fire and 
brimstone again, that is unless my sister takes her new name too 
seriously. 

EDDY -- What do you mean? 

MERCY - I mean, for her, it's not enough that the Christians 
skated by without gettin' their ticket punched. Noooo. She's 
gotta go out lookin' for ways to give them stuff they don't 
deserve. 

EDDY -- Unmerited favor. 

MERCY - What? 

EDDY -- I looked it up. That's what Grace means. Unmerited 
favor. 

MERCY - You Christians like all them buzz words, don't ya.

EDDY -- Well, I...

MERCY - Anyways, Grace is probably off helping some Christian 
slob who, if justice was really served, should have his lights 
turned out for good. She always says, "Jesus paid their 
penalty". But that's no excuse for givin' 'em stuff they ain't 
even got comin'. She makes me puke.

EDDY -- (to audience) So, was that a controversial interview or 
what? Say, I better disconnect from this TV station before the 
cops get here.

MERCY - The wages of sin is DEATH, boy.

EDDY -- Here hold this. (hands mike to Mercy, exits quickly)

MERCY - Hey, where you going, kid? Hey! Is this thing on? (to 
audience) This is Mercy, your angel of death, reminding you that 
you got it comin'. (exits) 


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