BACK

MATURITY 5'?m2f The purpose of spiritual maturity: ministry

LIZ -- (enters carrying file folder, talking on cell phone) Yes.
I was thinking of a dark blue background overlaid with a large
American flag. Yes, well, get back to me soon. I need this stuff 
like yesterday! (pockets phone)

AMY -- (enters carrying briefcase)

LIZ -- Please tell me you're with the video and sound crew.

AMY -- Video and sound? No. I'm... (offers business card)

LIZ -- (holds finger to lips, digs out phone) Excuse me. Yeah,
who's this? No. I said RED carpet. Have you ever seen a
celebrity making a grand entrance on blue carpet? (aside to Amy)
Do you see what I put up with? (to phone) You do? You have red?!
How many feet? I need the carpet runner to go all the way from
the limo at curbside to the alter at the front of the church. 
Red. Yes. (to Amy) Didn't I just say RED carpet?! (to phone) 
Listen, this all happens this weekend. If I don't hear from you 
within an hour, I'll just find someone else. (pockets phone) Now 
where were we?

AMY -- (offers business card) My name is Amy Bristol, I'm
with...

LIZ -- (reads) You're with the public relations company. I was
expecting somebody... older.

AMY -- I have a lot of experience.

LIZ -- I suppose you'll have to do.

AMY -- Thank you.

LIZ -- (scanning file folder) Listen, we don't have much time.
The video and sound people will be here in a few minutes to set
up. That is, of course, unless they mess up like everybody else
on this project.

AMY -- Just what is THIS project?

LIZ -- It's me.

AMY -- You.

LIZ -- Yes. I want you to P.R. me to all print and telemedia
before this weekend.

AMY -- That doesn't give us much time.

LIZ -- I suppose you're going to tell me you don't have time to
set up a web site for me.

AMY -- Actually, we COULD set up a DOT COM for you, but there
wouldn't be enough time to produce the content.

LIZ -- I have already done my own write-ups and pictures. I'll 
email them to you. (reads business card) This your email address 
here?

AMY -- Yes. Can you give me a hint as to what all this is about?

LIZ -- I told you. It's about me. I attained spiritual maturity.

AMY -- Spiritual maturity.

LIZ -- Yes. The details will be in the email. You should
probably get started with the public relations now. (exiting)
I've got to...

AMY -- Excuse me, but what would you like our public relations
firm to do for you... besides set up your web site?

LIZ -- (turns) You're new at this, aren't you?

AMY -- No. As a matter of fact...

LIZ -- To make a long story short, I have read through the
entire Bible five times, I have read through the New Testament
twelve times. I have memorized three hundred forty-three Bible
verses, including all of Romans chapter eight, Colossians
chapter three and the entire book of James. I give ten percent
of my income to the church -- that's based on the gross, not the
net. And I haven't missed a single church service in over three
and a half years.

AMY -- I see.

LIZ -- It's all in the email. (exiting) I'll have it to you by
the time you get back to your office.

AMY -- Including what you're going to do next?

LIZ -- (turns) Next?

AMY -- Yes. I assume that the purpose of this public relations 
HYPE is to let people know what you're going to DO with all this 
vast Christian maturity.

LIZ -- What are you talking about?!

AMY -- I assume that the purpose of all this is to announce your
ministry?

LIZ -- Ministry? What are you babbling about?

AMY -- So, the purpose of this HYPE isn't leading anywhere.

LIZ -- There's nowhere to lead. I've attained everything! What
else is left?

AMY -- I'm curious. What are you expecting to happen after this
HYPE is all over?

LIZ -- Well, for one thing. I'll probably be on the "A" list for
cocktail parties and fund raisers. People will undoubtedly want 
to seek me out at parties and ask me to recite my Bible verses. 
I wouldn't be surprised if one of the pews in my church has a 
brass plate with my name engraved on it. Pastors from other 
churches will call me to consult with them on difficult Bible 
passages. I was kind of expecting YOU to book me on all the TV 
and radio talk shows. I'm not sure what I'll charge as an 
honorarium for speaking engagements, but... 

AMY -- So, you look at spiritual maturity as an end in itself
instead of as preparation for serving others?

LIZ -- Of course! It's a trophy! You don't really expect me to
grovel with the masses now that I've attain greatness, do you?

AMY -- Jesus said, "The greatest among you must be your
servant."

LIZ -- He said that?

AMY -- It's in the New Testament which you said you've read at
least twelve times.

LIZ -- I must have skimmed over that part. You don't think
people expect me to be a SERVANT, do you?

AMY -- Only those who read their Bibles.

LIZ -- I guess I wouldn't mind BEING a servant as long as people
didn't treat me like a servant.

AMY -- They probably will.

LIZ -- You mean, if I publicize this, I'll have people calling
me, expecting me to... to...

AMY -- SERVE.

LIZ -- Please don't say that. Listen, I changed my mind. Cancel
the hype.

AMY -- My pleasure. (exits opposite)

LIZ -- (pulls phone from pocket) Yeah, hi. Listen, I'd like to
cancel the carpet, the drapes and the flag. Yes. Cancel. No. I
know I specified RED, but I've decided I don't need any carpet
at all. None. Not red. Not blue. None. Well, you don't have to
be rude! (exits running) Oh, no! There's the video and sound
crew! (shouts) Wait. Don't unload the truck!

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it.
Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances.
You may reproduce and distribute this script freely,
but all copies must contain this copyright statement.
http://www.bobsnook.org  email: bob@bobsnook.org

BACK