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MATERIAL 6'?m3f Physicalism, atheism, argumentation, proof

(scene: judge's bench or podium)

JUDGE -- (enters wearing black robe, crosses to bench, pounds
gavel) This court will come to order. Our next order of business
is the preliminary motions for the case of the state versus Mary
Johnson. Are the attorneys for both parties present?

LIZ -- (enters carrying briefcase and file folders, crosses
speaking) Elizabeth Benson for the prosecution, Your Honor. The
charge is fraud and embezzlement, Your Honor. (opens file
folder, drops on bench, steps back)

AMY -- (enters opposite carrying briefcase and file folders,
crosses speaking) Amy Konklin for the defense, Your Honor. And
here's my motion to exclude the laptop computer as evidence.
(drops blue-backed sheets on bench, steps back)

LIZ -- On what grounds?

AMY -- On two grounds. First, the laptop computer was the
property of my client's employer. Second, the search warrant did
not even mention a computer.

LIZ -- I object, Your Honor.

JUDGE -- On what grounds?

LIZ -- Our case relies on this computer to prove motive.

JUDGE -- Counselor, do you have a reply to this objection?

AMY -- Yes, your honor. I believe that MOTIVE should be excluded
from this trial altogether.

LIZ -- You what?!

JUDGE -- The prosecuting attorney will not address defense
counsel directly.

LIZ -- I'm sorry, Your Honor. But you can't exclude MOTIVE for
the state's case! That's ridiculous!

JUDGE -- The prosecutor does have a point, there, counselor. On
what basis do you wish to exclude motive?

AMY -- On the basis that MOTIVE is non-material. It has no mass,
it has no dimensions, it can't be weighed, it can't be measured.
And since all evidence must be accessed by science, MOTIVE must
be excluded from this trial.

JUDGE -- Counselor?

LIZ -- That's ridiculous! Motive has been included in nearly all
prosecutions for centuries. It seems to me that excluding it now
would be unfair.

JUDGE -- I agree. Motive evidence will be allowed in this trial.
But, the laptop computer will be excluded because it was omitted
from the warrant and because it did not belong to the accused.
Any other motions?

AMY -- (drops another blue-backed page on bench) Yes, Your
Honor, here's my motion to exclude all references to the guilt
of my client.

LIZ -- You what?!

JUDGE -- (pounds gavel) The prosecuting attorney will not
address defense counsel directly. You need to control yourself,
counselor!

LIZ -- I'm sorry, Your Honor. What I mean is, "I object". I've
prosecuted many cases, but I've never ever been asked to refrain
from using the word GUILT. This line of defense is just
outrageous!

JUDGE -- The prosecutor does have a point, there, counselor. On
what basis do you wish to exclude all discussion of GUILT?

AMY -- On the basis that GUILT is non-material. It has no mass,
it has no dimensions, it can't be weighed, it can't be measured.
A guilty man is no heavier than an innocent man. A guilty man is
no taller or shorter than an innocent man. A guilty man is no
more dense, he gives off no more radiation, he's no more
magnetic than an innocent man. And, since all evidence must be
accessed by science, GUILT must be excluded from this trial.

JUDGE -- Your rebuttal, counselor?

LIZ -- (sighs) Alright, I give up.

JUDGE -- You what?!

LIZ -- Oh, I'm not talking about this trial, Your Honor.

JUDGE -- Then, what are you talking about, counselor?

LIZ -- Amy and I, that is, defense counsel and I had a religious
discussion out in the corridor before this hearing. The
discussion had nothing to do with this case. When I said I GIVE
UP, I meant that I concede her point.

AMY -- In that case, Your Honor, I withdraw my other motions to
exclude evidence for non-material conclusions. And, since these
(holds up three more blue-backed pages) motions are all for
exclusion of non-material conclusions, I have no more business
before this court and I'm ready to go to trial.

JUDGE -- I'm dying to know what this outside discussion is all
about.

LIZ -- It's a little embarrassing, Your Honor.

JUDGE -- Humor me.

LIZ -- Our discussion was about religion.

JUDGE -- Keep going.

LIZ -- This is really embarrassing. Alright. I told Amy that the
reason I couldn't believe in God is because everything worth
believing in the world, can be proved by science. I said that if
it can't be weighed or measured or observed scientifically,
intelligent people should reject it.

JUDGE -- And now?

LIZ -- This is really embarrassing.

JUDGE -- And now?

LIZ -- (sighs) And now I have to eat crow. About half of my job
relies on things that have no physical properties. Things like
guilt and innocence, motive and intension can't be measured. If
I want to remain an atheist, I have to come up with another
justification.

JUDGE -- Amy is really good at this, isn't she?

LIZ -- Excuse me?

JUDGE -- She did the same thing to me.

LIZ -- She did?

JUDGE -- Yes. I had to either change my opinion or get smarter
about being an atheist. The argument you were using is just
about the best argument the atheists can offer.

LIZ -- So, you're not an atheist anymore.

JUDGE -- The smart money is on God.

AMY -- That's because the evidence you can measure
scientifically gives a good case for a non-material creator.

JUDGE -- Okay, then, we need to set this case over for trial.

AMY -- My client requests a short date, your honor.

JUDGE -- So noted.

AMY -- Same sentence, Your Honor?

LIZ -- Sentence?! The defendant hasn't been found guilty yet!

AMY -- Not her sentence, mine.

LIZ -- Your sentence?

JUDGE -- I sentence defense counsel to 24 hours jail time for
filing spurious motions before the court.

AMY -- I gladly accept, Your Honor. (exits)

JUDGE -- Bailiff, take the defense counsel into custody. This
court is in recess. (exits with Liz)

LIZ -- You've sent her to jail before?

JUDGE -- How do you think I became a Christian?

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