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JOY      5'1m1f The distinction between joy and happiness

EDDY -- (in his late teens, enters, blows on microphone) Is this 
thing on? Testing, testing, one, two, three. Yeah, okay, we're 
on the air. (to audience) So, ah, this is Eddy with another 
excellent interview. See, I'm a reporter. But, see, currently 
I'm without a job. So, I, like borrowed the facilities of some 
rich dude's TV station an', well, if you like this fascinatin' 
interview, just remember my name is Eddy and I need a job. 
You'll have to excuse me, see, 'cuz I have to hurry and do this 
interview and get out of here. That way the cops won't catch me. 
So, I'm Eddy. And I'm a reporter and ... did I mention that I 
need a job? Anyways, my exclusive interview today is with two 
identical twins and their names are Happiness and Joy. So, ah, 
which one are you?

HAP --- (enters) My name is Happiness.

EDDY -- (to audience) See, I already knew that, but that's the 
kind of junk we reporters ask. (giggles, to HAP) Hey! There were 
supposed to be twins here. Where's your sister Joy, Happiness, 
heh, heh?

HAP --- I told her not to come. She's so sweet it makes me sick 
to my stomach.

EDDY -- (to audience) So, ah, did you notice how I'm, like, not 
flustered when one of my guests doesn't show up? See, that's a 
mark of a excellent reporter. Did I mention that I'm looking for 
a job? My name is Eddy. So, ah, back to the interview. (to Hap) 
So, tell me, Happiness, why don't you look happy?

HAP --- What's there to be happy about?

EDDY -- (to audience) Now listen to this penetrating question as 
I draw her out. (to Hap) So, ah, would you like to expand on 
that?

HAP --- Well, when I was growing up, I thought that getting my 
driver's license would make me happy.

EDDY -- And did it? (smiles to audience)

HAP --- For a while. But then all the kids got there's and it 
was no big deal anymore. So, then, I thought I'd be happy when I 
graduated from high school and college.

EDDY -- Tell us all about it, heh, heh.

HAP --- Well, I was happy for a while. But, what's the big deal? 
My first job out of college all the people in the office had 
college degrees.

EDDY -- "Then what happened?", he inquired.

HAP --- Right back into a slump again.

EDDY -- So, tell our audience, what would make you happy right 
now? A new dress, a new car, a new house, a boy friend, what?

HAP --- Oh, those things make me happy, alright. But it never 
seems to last.

EDDY -- (to audience) Okay, okay, now listen to this. We're 
coming to the climax. If you have a VCR handy, press the record 
button now. You might get some the sound bites that will appear 
on the evening news. (to Hap) So, ah, Happiness, tell us about 
your sister Joy.

HAP --- She makes me sick.

EDDY -- (to audience) See what I mean? Heh, heh. (to Hap, 
serious as possible) Tell our listeners why Joy makes you sick.

HAP --- She's happy, even when things aren't going her way. She 
drives an old car, she wears hand-me-down clothes, she lives in 
a cruddy apartment, she's not dating anyone, her job stinks, she 
doesn't make half the money I make, but still she's happy almost 
all the time. She makes me puke.

EDDY -- If you'll permit me to say so, Joy's happiness is not 
based on her circumstances, huh? Heh, heh.

HAP --- No, I hate her. She should be miserable like me.

EDDY -- So, ah, there's no joy in Happiness, eh? Heh, heh.

HAP --- Very Funny. Well, I don't know how she does it, but I 
know I'm going to be happy myself real soon.

EDDY -- Oh, really? Would you like to tell our audience about 
it?

HAP --- I'm going to another seminar.

EDDY -- So, do seminars usually make you happy?

HAP --- For a while.

EDDY -- Then, the newness wears off and...

HAP --- This seminar won't be like that, though.

EDDY -- Oh, tell our audience all about it.

HAP --- This seminar redefines happiness as "a constant state of 
malaise punctuated by an occasional anomalous period of 
unreality." Once I understand what that means, I'll be happy all 
the time.

EDDY -- (to audience) Okay, so, ah, that's the interview for 
tonight...

HAP --- My sister would like you.

EDDY -- Well, tell her that my name is Eddy and as soon as I, 
like, find a job as a reporter, I'll take her to Burger King or 
something.

HAP --- Oh, I don't mean that she'd like to date you. She has 
better taste than that.

EDDY -- (to audience) As a seasoned reporter, I am trained to 
ignore comments like that and go for the heart of an issue. Keep 
your VCRs running. (to Hap) So, ah, why do you think Joy would 
like me, huh? Is it because I'm a seasoned reporter who's gonna 
get a great job after this interview?

HAP --- She likes everybody. She's one of those Christians. Say, 
do you know what would make ME real happy?

EDDY -- What?

HAP --- Well, I get half off my seminar fee if I enroll someone 
else and...

EDDY -- Oh, geez, look at the time. I have to get get this TV 
station back to its regular program before the cops get here. 
(exits)

HAP -- (follows) No really, the seminar even has a finance plan. 
No money down.


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