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ISLAND   5'?m2f Salvation, grace vs works, humility

(sound cue: party music thumps in the background)

LIZ -- (enters wearing binoculars guiding Amy by the elbow) It's
right over here. (points to DC)

AMY -- What's right over here?! What are you talking about?!

LIZ -- I want them to see me when I give it to you. (looks
through binoculars at a spot on audience back wall)

AMY -- Give me what?! (pauses, looks around) Listen, I've tried
to be accommodating to you. But if you don't tell me what's
going on, I'm out of here!

LIZ -- Please, be patient. It'll just be another second until I
know that one of them is looking this way.

AMY -- (looks in the direction of Liz's gaze) One of who? The
people out on the island? (points)

LIZ -- Yes.

AMY -- Why don't you just call them on the phone?

LIZ -- They won't answer my calls anymore. They must have caller
I.D.

AMY -- I wish you'd tell me what you're trying to accomplish
here.

LIZ -- Can't you hear it?

AMY -- Hear it. You mean the music?

LIZ -- Yes.

AMY -- Yes, everyone can hear it. They're having a party. They
have a party on the island twenty-four hours per day seven days
per week. If you want them to turn off the music, you're wasting
your time. That party never stops.

LIZ -- I don't want to stop the music. I want to join the party.
(points) There! Someone is looking this way. Hold out your hand.

AMY -- Are you talking to me?

LIZ -- Yes. Hold out your hand.

AMY -- (looks alternately at island and at Liz)

LIZ -- Please, this is no trick. Just hold out your hand!
Quickly, while the people on the island are watching!

AMY -- (offers hand) Well, alright.

LIZ -- (reaches into pocket, drops $20 bill into Amy's hand with 
flourish, looks through Binoculars) There, I'll bet that will 
impress them.

AMY -- (examines bill) That's it? You brought me here to give me
money?

LIZ -- Yes.

AMY -- This is a $20 bill.

LIZ -- Yes. I know. I wanted them to know how generous I am.

AMY -- Oh. I see what you're doing. You think that if you
impress them, they'll let you come to their party.

LIZ -- (drops binoculars) Rats! They just turned away. What does
it take to impress those people?! I've tried everything! I've
sent them video tapes of myself going to church, crossing myself
and genuflecting and being baptized and observing the sabbath. 
Nothing seems to impress them!

AMY -- You should have saved yourself a lot of trouble.

LIZ -- What do you mean?

AMY -- I mean the people out on the island only invite family
members to their party.

LIZ -- Family members.

AMY -- Yes.

LIZ -- You mean I just gave away twenty bucks for nothing?!

AMY -- Well, if it will make you feel better, (offers bill) you
can have your money back.

LIZ -- (looks through binoculars) I don't want my money back. I
want to be on the island. Look how much fun they're having out
there! There's a lot of people out there. Are you sure they're
all family?!

AMY -- Oh, they're all family, alright. But most of the family
members were adopted.

LIZ -- Adopted.

AMY -- Yes.

LIZ -- What does it take to be adopted? A pint of blood? I mean,
I've tried just about everything. If anyone deserves to be
adopted by the family it's me. (drops binoculars) Do you know?

AMY -- Do I know?

LIZ -- What it takes to be adopted. How do I show them I'm
worthy of adoption?

AMY -- Actually, it's a rather strange family. In order to be
worthy of adoption into that family, you have to admit you're
not worthy of adoption.

LIZ -- You what?

AMY -- You have to admit...

LIZ -- ...I heard you. It sounds a little like trying to get a
bank loan. In order to get a bank loan, you have to prove to the
bank that you don't need the money.

AMY -- I suppose.

LIZ -- (looks through binoculars) Boy! They're really having a
good time out there. How can I admit that I don't deserve to be
adopted after I've worked so hard? I DO deserve it. Maybe I'll
by me a boat. Maybe if I arrive in my own boat, they'll be
impressed with my wealth and let me stay for the party.

AMY -- I'm sorry to disappoint you but...

LIZ -- ...I know. They only let the boats of family members on
the island. There MUST be SOMETHING I can do to impress them!

AMY -- There is.

LIZ -- I know what you're going to say. You're going to say that
I have to admit that I'm not worthy to be there. But, what if I
admit that I'm unworthy? What if they don't send a boat to pick
me up?

AMY -- Judging from the number of people out there, I'd say that
they send a boat to EVERYONE who admits they're unworthy. So, I
guess if they don't send a boat they're telling you they don't
believe you.

LIZ -- Well, I'm a really convincing faker.

AMY -- I know. (holds up bill) You convinced me. (pockets money,
exits) Thanks for the money.

LIZ -- I got it! I could hire someone to beat me up and rob me!
(drops binoculars, looks left and right, exits) Yes! That's it!
How could they refuse a victim?! (shouts offstage) Hey, you want
to earn another twenty bucks?

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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