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IMPOSTOR 4'?m1f Salvation, cults, heresy, evangelism

(scene: an awards banquet; an unspecified number of people enter
singly and in pairs with faces shielded by masks, hoods, scarves
or hands, take seats near podium)

HOST -- (enters wearing mask or hood, crosses to podium) Welcome
to the annual impostors awards. As always the identities of our
impostors are concealed in order that they may continue to
infiltrate the Christian churches and impede the cause of
Christianity. This year I'm pleased to announce that record
numbers of would-be Christians are turning away from
Christianity and joining cults and New Age causes because of the
lies perpetrated by the impostors in this room tonight.

(all impostors applaud, those without masks quickly cover faces
nervously)

HOST -- Well, without further ado, I will now announce the
winners of this year's most successful lies.

(all impostors applaud, those without masks quickly cover faces
nervously)

HOST -- (opens envelope) In third place this year is a lie that
has driven people from Christianity for centuries. If we can get
people believing this lie, there's no incentive for people to do
the right thing. The third place winner for lie of the year is
(reads card) "There is no such thing as Heaven".

(all impostors applaud, those without masks quickly cover faces
nervously)

(an impostor stands and receives framed certificate)

HOST -- (motions to podium) Would you like to say a few words?

(winner refuses silently, covering face, sits)

HOST -- I can't blame you. One of the reasons we impostors are 
so successful at keeping unbelievers from becoming Christians is 
that we blend in with the crowd. Anonymity is essential.

Well, then, we'll move right along to the second place winner
for lie of the year. And just like the third place winner, the
second place lie has been successful for centuries at keeping
unbelievers unbelieving. If we get people believing this lie,
there will be no incentive to keep people from doing evil. The
second place winner for lie of the year is (reads) :  "There is
no Hell".

(all impostors applaud, an impostor stands and receives framed
certificate)

HOST -- (motions to podium) Would you like to say a few words?

(winner refuses silently, covering face, sits)

HOST -- I understand. Well, keep up the good work. And (shakes
finger broadly at crowd) And be sure to keep people from reading
their Bibles. If you let people read their Bibles, there is no
way they're going to swallow this lie.

And now, it is my privilege to present the best lie of the year,
the lie that has kept the most people from a saving knowledge of
Jesus. (opens envelope, reads) The winner of most effective lie
of the year is "There is no HURRY." (applauds)

(impostors applaud, look left and right to see who won the
award)

HOST -- (reads) Oh. This is interesting. According to our
accountants, Frank and Earnest, this lie was not perpetrated by
an impostor, but by people within the church itself.

Apparently, some church members have been spreading the lie that
telling people about Jesus is optional. So, there's no hurry.
Fellow impostors, this is sheer genious! By perpetrating this
lie, hundreds of thousands of people die each year without a
saving faith in Jesus.

Fellow impostors, do you see what this means? This means that we
no longer have to lie about what the Bible says or what Jesus
said. We no longer have to spread the lie "There is no Heaven"
or "There is no Hell". The churches are self-destructing with
their own lie. Get out there and help the Christians spread
their own lie, "There is no hurry". "We've got lots of time!"
(laughs fiendishly)

Now, get out there and lie!

(all stand, cheer, exit)

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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