GOODFRI  3'2m0f Good Friday: Let's celebrate someone's death

(based on a play by Kate Rothacker) 

FRED --- (enters, tired, holds neck) Man, what a week!  I am so 
beat! (pushes elevator button)

LARRY -- (enters, follows) Me too. I am ready for a cold one at 
Murphy's. (hoots) Thank God it's Friday. 

FRED --- Yeah. (snaps fingers) Oooo! That reminds me. (turns, 
runs back offstage) Hold the elevator, would you, Larry?

LARRY -- (shouts) Don't worry, Fred, this elevator is so slow 
we could send out for pizza.

FRED --- (reenters with printed pages in hand) My mom sent me an 
email. I printed it out but forgot to take it with me. I'm glad 
you said, "thank God it's Friday".

LARRY -- What do you mean?

FRED --- (points to pages) The subject on the email was "Good 
Friday". (scans pages) Hey, it's Good Friday today.

LARRY -- (laughing) Hey, ANY Friday is a good Friday for me!

FRED --- Yeah, me too. But my mom is a Christian now and she 
started going to this church and she's....

LARRY -- ...Don't tell me. She wants you to contribute to the 
building fund. Right?

FRED --- No, she keeps sending me these (lifts pages) emails, 
saying she's praying for me. Listen to this. I'll bet she says 
it again. (reads) "Dear Freddy". She still calls me FREDDY. "I 
am praying for you." See what did I tell you? "Don't forget to 
celebrate Good Friday", she says.

LARRY -- Alright! Let's celebrate the day you don't have to go 
to work for two whole days! It's PARTY time!!! (high-fives Fred)

FRED --- That wasn't quite what Mom had in mind, but I'll drink 
to that.

LARRY -- Good Friday. Hey, isn't that the day that the Catholics 
come back from church with a black smudge on their foreheads?

FRED --- Nice try. That's Ash Wednesday. Good Friday is the day 
God died.

LARRY -- You mean, Jesus, don't you?

FRED --- Jesus IS God, (holds up pages) according to the 
Christians. (scans pages)

LARRY -- (sarcastic) Well, sign me up for a religion that 
celebrates somebody kicking the bucket.

FRED -- I know. It sounds a little morbid, doesn't it? She says 
"if it's God who pays the price, we don't have to work for our 

LARRY -- She obviously has never worked for Mackelroy. (points 
with thumb)

FRED --- Mom says that because of Good Friday, Jesus bears our 
burdens for us.

LARRY -- Maybe he can carry me home after Murphy's tonight?

FRED --- (laughs) 

LARRY -- You know I haven't even met your mom and I hate her 

FRED --- Why?

LARRY -- Because all this God-talk makes me think of how I'm 
going to hate myself in the morning.

FRED --- (reads) "After Good Friday, we are free from guilt."

LARRY -- Is she talking about the same Christianity I'm talking 
about? Where is that elevator?!

FRED --- (absent--mindedly, scanning pages) Patience is a virtue.

LARRY -- I'm a little light on virtues. I'd make a terrible 

FRED --- Apparently, you don't need any.

LARRY -- Any what?

FRED --- Virtues. Mom says "men have been striving for centuries 
to get to heaven by being good enough. But man is basically 
sinful. He can never be good enough."

LARRY -- Oh, that's comforting. That means nobody is gonna make 

FRED --- That's why Jesus died, she says.

LARRY -- I don't get it.

FRED --- So, we could be in God's presence without being good 
enough. Apparently, it's like we get to ride on his ticket.


LARRY -- At last--here's the elevator!  Time to party! (hoots, 
steps forward)

FRED --- She says all I have to do to live in God's presence is 
accept that Jesus died for me... personally. (ponders)

LARRY -- All aboard the Murphy's train, Freddy, boy.

FRED --- (looks up from pages) Oh, ah, you go on ahead. I'll... 
I have... something I have to take care of.

LARRY -- Suit yourself. Oh, when you get to Murphy's I'll be the 
one with the lamp shade on my head. (exits)

FRED --- (kneels, looks up to heaven)

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