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GIRLYMAN 7'2m0f Anger management, denial, confession

(Both characters enter wearing sweat shirts and matching sweat
pants that are stuffed with bulging muscles, they cross to DC
and simultaneously strike several different body-builder poses,
paste on fake smiles, speak with German accents)

HANS -- Hello, I'm Hans.

FRANS -- Ya, and I'm Frans. And we're here to...

BOTH -- ...pump (clap hands simultaneously, point to audience)
you up.

HANS -- Ya, and we're here to talk to you about anger
management.

FRANS -- Ya, anger management. We're experts in anger
management.

FRANS -- Ya, we are hearing that some of you Christians deny
your anger.

HANS -- Frans, can you imagine a Christian who DENIES his anger?

FRANS -- No, Hans, I cannot. In fact, do you know what we call a
man who denies his anger?

HANS -- We call him a girly-man.

FRANS -- Did you hear that, Christians? An angry man who denies
that he's angry is a girly-man.

HANS -- (points) You don't want to be a girly-man, do you?

FRANS -- No, you certainly do not. Do you know why denying anger
makes you a girly-man, Hans?

HANS -- Tell them, Frans.

FRANS -- When you deny something that everyone else knows is
true, you're telling a lie.

HANS -- Ya, and when you lie, you're a liar.

FRANS -- Ya, and when you're a liar, you're a girly-man. You
don't want to be a girly-man, do you?

HANS -- No, you want to me a manly-man, like we are.

FRANS -- That's why we're here to...

BOTH -- ...pump (clap hands simultaneously, point to audience)
you up. (strike body-builder poses simultaneously)

FRANS -- Ya. And here's how we pump you up. We dig into the
Bible.

HANS -- Ya. The Bible says "Be angry and sin not."

FRANS -- Ya. That means it's not a sin to be angry.

HANS -- Ya. But it is a sin to tell a lie denying your anger.

FRANS -- When you become angry, take just a second or two to
remind yourself that it's not a sin to be angry.

HANS -- Ya, then you will transform yourself from a girly-man
into a manly-man.

BOTH -- (strike body-builder poses simultaneously)

FRANS -- Let's give you an example. Suppose I step on Hans'
foot? (steps)

HANS -- (grimaces, speaks with tension) For example. (pastes on
smile briefly)

FRANS -- Hans, are you angry because I'm stepping on your foot?

HANS -- (painfully) Who me?

FRANS -- Right now, because Hans is a Christian, he might think
that Christians don't get angry. He might want to deny that he's
angry so he'll look more spiritual to his friends. Right, Hans?

HANS -- (desperate) That's right.

FRANS -- But Hans takes just a second or two to remember that
Jesus himself was angry several times in the Bible but he was
completely sinless. It's alright to become angry. Right, Hans?

HANS -- (desperate) That's right.

FRANS -- Hans also takes time to ask the Holy Spirit to help him
to "Be angry and sin not".

HANS -- (desperate) Please, Lord, help me!

FRANS -- Hans, you're not angry, are you?

HANS -- Yes.

FRANS -- (lifts foot) There, you see? Hans just transformed
himself from a girly-man who denied his anger into a manly-man,
who is not afraid to express his anger.

HANS -- And you can do it too. That's why we're here.

FRANS -- We're here to...

BOTH -- ...pump (clap hands simultaneously, point to audience)
you up! (strike body-builder poses simultaneously)

HANS -- Ya, we're also hearing that when some of you Christian's
get angry, you blow off steam without giving it a second
thought.

FRANS -- Incredible.

HANS -- Frans, can you imagine a Christian who blows off steam
without giving it a second thought?

FRANS -- No, Hans, I cannot. In fact, do you know what we call a
man who blows off steam without giving it a second thought?

HANS -- We call him a girly-man.

FRANS -- Did you hear that, Christians? He's telling you that a
man who blows off steam without giving it a second thought is a
girly-man.

HANS -- (points) You don't want to be a girly-man, do you,
Christians?

FRANS -- No, you certainly do not.

HANS -- No, you want to me a manly-man, like we are.

FRANS -- That's why we're here to...

BOTH -- ...pump (clap hands simultaneously, point to audience)
you up! (strike body-builder poses simultaneously)

HANS -- And do you know how to become a manly-man when you get
angry?

FRANS -- One thing is for sure, you don't blow off steam without
giving it a second thought.

HANS -- No. A manly-man will take just a second or two to think
about his anger.

FRANS -- Just a second or two. That's all it takes to be a
manly-man.

HANS -- Ya, during the first second or two after you become
angry, you reject the idea that just blowing off steam is the
way to vent your anger.

FRANS -- Blowing off steam is for girly-men!

HANS -- Ya. But the manly-man will say to himself, "What's the
best way to express my anger that won't hurt people?"

FRANS -- Ya. A manly-man doesn't want to hurt people. People who
hurt people are weak and puny.

HANS -- Weak and puny.

FRANS -- You don't want to be weak and puny, do you, Christians?

HANS -- No, of course you don't. You want to be a manly-man.

FRANS -- And we want to...

BOTH -- ...pump (clap hands simultaneously, point to audience)
you up! (strike body-builder poses simultaneously)

FRANS -- Ya. And here's how we pump you up. We dig into the
Bible.

HANS -- Ya. The Bible says "Everyone should be quick to listen,
slow to speak and SLOW to become angry"

FRANS -- Ya, just a few seconds, that's all it takes.

HANS -- Let's give you an example. Suppose I step on Frans'
foot? (steps)

FRANS -- (grimaces, speaks with tension) For example. (pastes on
smile briefly)

HANS -- Right now, Frans would just love to punch my lights out.
Wouldn't you, Frans?

FRANS -- You bet. (pastes on smile)

HANS -- But, instead, Frans pauses for just a second or two in
order to think about the most appropriate way to express his
anger.

FRANS -- (painfully) Gee, I wonder how I could express my anger
appropriately.

HANS -- This also gives Frans time to include the Holy Spirit.

FRANS -- (desperately) Holy Spirit!

HANS -- Ya. Then, with the help of the Holy Spirit, Frans comes
up with the most appropriate way to express his anger.

FRANS -- (desperately) Hans, could you please move your foot?

HANS -- Ya. Sure. (lifts foot) You see, Christians, that's what
it takes to transform yourself from a girly-man to a manly-man.

FRANS -- A manly-man, like us!

(both strike body-builder poses simultaneously)

FRANS -- So, take it from Hans and Frans...

HANS -- Whenever, you get angry...

FRANS -- Don't deny it.

HANS -- Don't just blow off steam without giving it a second
thought.

FRANS -- Take just a second or two to include the Holy Spirit
and let Him...

BOTH -- ...pump (clap hands simultaneously, point to audience)
you up! (exit, one last pose near exit)

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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