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FORTY    3'?m1f Monologue: secular fortieth birthday celebration

(prop: phone headset)

CITY PLANNER -- (click) City planning office. How may I help 
you?

You want to close off forty square blocks of downtown?

For what?

A birthday celebration. Whose birthday? 

______________!? I didn't know it was her birthday! How old will 
she be?

You don't know. Oh Well, find out for me, will you? Yeah, 
thanks. 

(click) City planning office. How may I help you?

You want permission to rename a forty-acre city park in honor of 
______________'s birthday? Great idea! Listen, you wouldn't 
happen to know how old she is, would you?

No. Well, find out for me, will you? Yeah, thanks.

(click) City planning office. How may I help you?

You want to name your forty-story office building in honor of 
______________'s birthday? Great idea! Listen, you wouldn't 
happen to know how old she is, would you?

No. Well, find out for me, will you? Yeah, thanks.

(click) City planning office. How may I help you?

You want a permit to allow forty F-18 fighter jets to do a 
fly-over? 

...AND a forty-gun salute by the United States Marines?

This wouldn't happen to be for ______________'s birthday, would 
it?

Of course I knew! It's all over town. Excuse me for a minute, 
would you? I've got a call on the other line.

(click) City planning office. How may I help you?

You want a permit for forty portapotties? I'm afraid you're 
talking to the wrong agency. You need the department of permits 
and licenses. Hold on, I'll forward your... Say, the 
portapotties, these wouldn't just happen to be for a birthday 
party, would they?

______________?! I knew it. Listen, you wouldn't happen to know 
how old she is, would you?

No. Well, find out for me, will you? Yeah, thanks. I'll forward 
your call now.

(click) Hi, it's me again. 

Listen, you wouldn't happen to know how old she is, would you?

No. Well, find out for me, will you? Yeah, thanks.

(click) City planning office. How may I help you?

You want to rename highway forty in honor of _____________'s 
birthday?

Say, that's a great idea. But highway forty is a STATE highway. 
Let me connect you with the STATE planning office. Oh, by the 
way, you wouldn't just happen to know how old she is, would you?

No. Well, find out for me, will you? Yeah, thanks.

(click) City planning office. How may I help you?

______________?! This is YOU?! We were just talking about you! 
(casual) Oh, ah, well, somebody just mentioned that your 
birthday was coming up. They... he was saying that maybe they... 
he would like to plan a little get-together, you know, to 
celebrate. But, they... he was wondering... how old you are.

Thirty-nine. Oh, maybe we'll plan something for next year. 
(click)

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