FAMILY3  7'1m4f Christian witness, family values, Holy Spirit

SAM -- (enters wearing a fedora with unlit cigarette in mouth,
crosses strolling, to audience) The name is Spade. Sam Spade.
I'm a private investigator. In fact, I'm the world's greatest
private investigator. And I want you to know that a detective's
life is not all about sleazy divorces.

MOM -- (enters opposite) I'm looking for a detective named Sam

SAM -- That would be me. (turns to audience, straightens brim of
hat, turns to Mom) I hope this isn't one of those sleazy

MOM -- No. It's about my son.

SAM -- What about him?

MOM -- He's been acting strangely.

SAM -- How so?

MOM -- He doesn't talk back. He mows the lawn without having to
be reminded.

SAM -- Dreadful! Call in the National Guard!

MOM -- It may not sound pathological to you, but something
strange is going on. He never acts like this! He even told me
that he loves me!

SAM -- Sounds like the kind of things I did when I was a kid.
He's probably just trying to soften you up to get his next

MOM -- That's just it. He stopped asking for handouts. He went
out and found a part time job.

SAM -- Just sounds like a kid being a kid. I'm not sure you want
to spend good money....

MOM -- (pushes envelope at Sam) Will two thousand dollars get
you started?

SAM -- (looking into envelope, wide-eyed) On the other hand the
kid could be in deep doo-doo. I really should investigate this
case thoroughly.

MOM -- (offers snap shot) Here's a picture of him. His name is
Darren. (exits)

SAM -- I'll get right on it. (turns, strolls, to audience) When
you're the world's greatest private-eye, you don't waste time
interviewing neighbors and relatives, you go where the action
is. That's where trouble lurks. I headed down to the local
squat. A squat is an empty hotel or warehouse where druggies
hang out.

ZONER -- (enters opposite) You a cop?

SAM -- Me? No, I...

ZONER -- (offers baggie) Then I'll trade you six rocks for six

SAM -- I'm not into that stuff.

ZONER -- Hash?

SAM -- No.

ZONER -- Dust?

SAM -- I'm looking for a kid who probably hangs out here.
(offers picture) You seen him in here?

ZONER -- No. You got any coke?

SAM -- No. So, you're saying you never saw this kid doing drugs?

ZONER -- (backs to exit) Never saw him at all. Hey, you wouldn't
just happen to have any smack, would you?

SAM -- Thanks for the info. (turns, strolls, to audience) With
drugs eliminated as the cause of the kid's behavior I headed
down to the local rave. A rave is a traveling night club. The
reason it travels is because the owners don't check driver's
licenses when kids order drinks.

BOUNCER -- You a cop?

SAM -- No, I'm a private investigator. Looking for this kid.
(offers picture) You ever seen him in here?

BOUNCER -- Yeah.

SAM -- Aha! When?

BOUNCER -- The little brat cost me a customer!

SAM -- What do you mean?

BOUNCER -- I thought he came in here to drink. But it turns out
he came in to find a friend of his. Took her drink right out of
her hand and dragged her out the door. At six bucks a drink,
that girl was usually good for fifty bucks worth of alcohol. But
this little brat stopped her before she could finish one drink.

SAM -- Do you know where he took the girl?

BOUNCER -- The worst part is I thought the kid was a big tipper.
He pressed a folded bill into my hand to get past the ropes, but
when I looked it was just a one dollar bill. That's the last
time that little punk will ever get by MY ropes again.

SAM -- Focus. Where did he take the girl.

BOUNCER -- I'm sorry. I just developed a slight deafness. Can
you repeat the question? (extends hand palm up)

SAM -- (presses bill into Bouncer's hand) Where?

BOUNCER -- Young Life. Downtown.

SAM -- Thanks. (turns)

BOUNCER -- (exiting) A one dollar bill?! Tightwad!

SAM -- (strolls, to audience) I went downtown and asked around
about another rave called Young Life. (to Counselor) Hey, I'm
looking for a place called Young Life.

COUNSELOR -- (enters opposite carrying clipboard) This is Young
Life here.

SAM -- Why don't I hear any music?


SAM -- It's too early to close up.

COUNSELOR -- I don't understand.

SAM -- This is a rave, isn't it?

COUNSELOR -- No. It's a Christian Crisis Center.

SAM -- You're kidding.

COUNSELOR -- Why would I kid you?

SAM -- Nevermind. (offers picture) Did you see this kid come in
here with a girl?

COUNSELOR -- Darren? Yes. But if you want information about the
girl, I'm sworn to confidentiality.

SAM -- But you can give me information about Darren.

COUNSELOR -- It depends. Why are you looking for him?

SAM -- His mother is worried about him.

COUNSELOR -- I'm sure.

SAM -- Oh. You think I might be... You think I'm out to get him.

COUNSELOR -- Darren has made some enemies among the drug

SAM -- How?

COUNSELOR -- First, you lay your cards on the table, then I'll
lay mine.

SAM -- My name is Spade, Sam Spade. I'm a private investigator.
Darren's mother hired me to find out why he's been acting so
strange lately.

COUNSELOR -- Yes, it has been a rather dramatic change, hasn't

SAM -- So?

COUNSELOR -- Darren surrendered his life to Jesus a few weeks

SAM -- So, he didn't bring the girl here for a little....

COUNSELOR -- No, of course not! He brought her here for drug and
alcohol rehabilitation.

SAM -- You're kidding.

COUNSELOR -- You must have mistaken me for a comedian.

SAM -- So, Darren's behavior change is...

COUNSELOR -- You thought it was a cover-up for drugs, or sex, or
something sinister?

SAM -- It usually is. But this is the real deal, huh?

COUNSELOR -- The real deal.

SAM -- Didn't Darren tell his mother about this?

COUNSELOR -- Every time Darren tries to tell his mother about
Jesus, she just thinks it's....

SAM -- A cover-up?


SAM -- How do YOU explain the behavior change?

COUNSELOR -- Well, I know that Jesus promised that the Holy
Spirit would write his laws on our hearts. (exits)

SAM -- The Holy Spirit, aye? (turns, strolls, to audience) Well,
I'll be.... Even the world's greatest private-eye learned
something new on this case. I returned to my client's home to
give her the news. (to Mom) Well, I found the reason for your
son's strange behavior.

MOM -- (enters opposite) I already know.

SAM -- You do?!

MOM -- Yes. It's the Holy Spirit!

SAM -- But I just spent three days tracking down... (points over
shoulder) How did you find out?

MOM -- I surrendered my life to Jesus too! The Holy Spirit is
changing my life too! (exiting) Isn't it wonderful?!

SAM -- (turns, strolls, to audience) So, there you have it:
proof positive that a private-eye's life is not all about sleazy
divorces. It's also about the Holy Spirit. (exiting) It sounds
like it could be contagious.

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