FAKE     6'?m3f Liberalism, counterfeits of God's good things

(note: all three demons wear black)

ONE --- (enters reading magazine, strolls)

TWO --- (follows a short time later hurrying, passes by, slows,
fakes disinterest)

ONE --- (not looking up) What's your hurry?

TWO --- Hurry? Me? What makes you think I'm in a hurry?

ONE --- Do you realize that you just answered my questions with
three questions of your own?

TWO --- You think you're so smart. I'll bet you're not smart
enough to know what's happening today.

ONE --- Oh, let's see. What could you possibly be talking about?
Is it possible that the Boss is coming today?

TWO --- (turns away, snaps fingers in disgust, straightens)
Well, you're smarter than I gave you credit for. But what you
didn't know is that the Boss is already here.

ONE --- (straightens) He is?! Where?!

TWO --- (points offstage with thumb) But he doesn't want to be

ONE --- (exiting hurriedly) Baloney! I know you. You're just
trying to keep me away.

TWO --- (pumps arm in triumph) Yes. Boy! I'm good.

BOSS -- (enters opposite) What are you good at?

TWO --- Boss! Fancy meeting you here!

BOSS -- Cut the baloney. I told you I was coming. Where's the
other one?

TWO --- Other one? Oh, ah, I told him you were coming but, he
said he had something more important to do.

ONE --- (reenters) Nice try, Jerk! If you thought you could keep
me away from the.... BOSS! You're here!

BOSS -- You two is supposed to be a team. You ain't bickering
among yourselves, are you?

BOTH -- Oh, no!

BOSS -- Good. We've got to put our heads together to come up
with a strategy that will work against those blasted Christians.

ONE --- Well, sabotage usually works really well: train wrecks,
plane crashes... nothing gets my blood pumping like the
newspaper headlines when an old lady gets run over by a bus.

TWO --- (yawns) Is that the best you got?

BOSS -- Yeah, we tried sabotage several times in previous
campaigns. All it does is to get the survivors praying. And when
they pray, God gets involved. Then, we're worse off than before.

TWO --- Told you.

ONE --- (elbows Two in the ribs)

TWO --- (gasps, bends, staggers away)

ONE --- What I meant was, we should use sabotage in human

BOSS -- What's wrong with him?

ONE --- Him? Oh, he's just pacing the floor trying to think of
new ideas. So, what do you think about my idea? How about
increasing the divorce rate or getting fathers to abandon their

TWO --- You know what happens when a woman has a tragedy?

BOSS -- He's right. That would backfire. Whenever a woman has a
tragedy, she starts going to church. That's the opposite of what
we want.

ONE --- (stomps Two's foot)

TWO --- (limps away)

ONE --- What I meant was, instead of doing things that drive
non-Christians to church, we should go after the people who are
already Christians.

BOSS -- What now? (points to Two)

ONE --- Oh, he gets jealous when I get a good idea.

BOSS -- What specifically did you have in mind?

ONE --- What did I have in mind?

BOSS -- Specifically.

ONE --- You want to know how we attack the Christians?

BOSS -- You DO have a specific suggestion, don't you?

ONE --- Yes. Yes, of course.

BOSS -- Well?

ONE --- I'm trying to phrase it just the right way.

TWO --- What about counterfeiting?

BOSS -- Counterfeiting?! You mean printing bogus money?

ONE --- Yes!

TWO --- No.

BOSS -- Well, which is it?

ONE --- What better way to get a Christian disgraced than to be
arrested for counterfeiting and thrown into jail?

TWO --- That's not quite what I had in mind?

BOSS -- What did you have in mind?

TWO --- The idea is to make the sin look as attractive and
desirable as the blessings of God.

ONE --- (kidney-punches Two)

TWO --- (gasps, walks away)

BOSS -- Don't leave. I like that idea.

ONE --- Actually, it was MY idea. Let me explain.

BOSS -- Okay.

ONE --- The idea is to make the sin look as attractive and
desirable as the blessings of God.

BOSS -- That's what HE said. Give me an example.

ONE --- An example.

BOSS -- Yes. You DO have a specific example, don't you?

ONE --- Sure. I have an example. I have lots of examples. I'm
just trying to select the best example, as an example.

BOSS -- I'm waiting.

ONE --- Let's see.

TWO --- (points beyond Boss) That church over there is a good

BOSS -- (turns) Oh, yeah?

TWO --- (elbows One in gut)

ONE --- (gasps, walks away bent over)

TWO --- Yes, in that church, for instance, they preach that
God's will is for man to reap rewards for doing good works, both
in Heaven and on earth.

BOSS -- And how do we counterfeit that?

TWO --- We emphasize the rewards and deemphasize the works it
takes to get them. One Christian works hard, saves his money and
buys a new car, but the second man buys the same car without the
hard work and delay of saving up for it.

BOSS -- How does he do that?

TWO --- He goes into debt.

BOSS -- Brilliant. If he's in debt, he can't give money to the

ONE --- That was my idea.

TWO --- Now, that church over there. (points beyond Boss)

BOSS -- (turns)

TWO --- (pokes One in the eye)

ONE --- (staggers away holding eye and groaning)

BOSS -- What about it?

TWO --- At that church, they teach that their members should
give to the poor. We take that teaching to the next level and
make it look more noble.

BOSS -- What next level?

TWO --- We make it mandatory to give to the poor. We replace
Christian charity with government mandated redistribution of

ONE --- Yes, but if everybody makes the same, where are the
rewards? Why would anyone want to work hard if he didn't get

TWO --- ("accidentally" elbows One as he turns) What was that?

ONE --- (gasps, bends, stumbles away)

BOSS -- You know he may have a point there. If people work hard
and make a lot of money, wouldn't they resent having to give
away their rewards?

TWO --- (pushing Boss toward opposite exit) Well, of course, the
counterfeit is not exactly like the original. We have to counter
the resentment by making them feel guilty that they have more
money than the poor. We tell everybody it looks more Christian
if everybody is equal.

BOSS -- Well, I suppose....

TWO --- Speaking of rewards, can we talk about MY reward for
coming up with a good idea?

ONE --- (follows) Wait a minute. Didn't you just say that
everybody should be equal?!

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