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EXCUSES  5'?m2f Discipleship, ministry is not optional

LIZ -- (enters wearing business clothes, crosses)

AMY -- (enters opposite wearing white lab coat, stethoscope)
Just the person I wanted to see.

LIZ -- (stops) Excuse me?

AMY -- Say aaah. (forces tongue depressor into Liz's mouth)

LIZ -- Wha...

AMY -- Say aaah.

LIZ -- Aaah.

AMY -- (removes depressor) No reddening of the throat, No
enlargement of the tonsils or adenoids.

LIZ -- What do you think you're....

AMY -- Open. (forces thermometer into Liz's mouth)

LIZ -- ...doingggg...

AMY -- (feels Liz's forehead) Any headaches?

LIZ -- Uh uh.

AMY -- (feels under Liz's jaw with fingertips) Any colds or
flue?

LIZ -- Uh uh. (pulls thermometer from mouth) Will you please
tell me what's going on?

AMY -- (forces thermometer back into Liz's mouth) That needs to
stay in. (circles Liz, looking her up and down) Skin rashes?
Psoriasis?

LIZ -- Uh uh.

AMY -- Athletes foot? Ring worm?

LIZ -- Uh uh.

AMY -- Are you eating regularly? (removes thermometer, reads)

LIZ -- I don't remember authorizing a medical exam. And I
certainly didn't authorize a medical exam in the parking lot of
the church.

AMY -- It's okay. There's no charge. Any weight loss or gain
recently?

LIZ -- No. Why am I answering these questions?!

AMY -- (lifts Liz's hands, examines both sides) It's just part
of the exam. Finger nails are healthy.

LIZ -- (pulls hands away) I'm not answering anymore questions
until you tell me what on earth is going on!

AMY -- (picks up Liz's wrist, looks at own watch) Okay, have it
your way.

LIZ -- Are you going to answer my questions?

AMY -- Just... a... few... seconds... more.... You're heart rate
is 68. You're in pretty good shape! (pokes ophthalmoscope into
Liz's ear)

LIZ -- I exercise regularly.

AMY -- Any hearing problems?

LIZ -- No...

AMY -- Blurred vision?

LIZ -- No...

AMY -- (changes ears) Any floaters?

LIZ -- N.... Excuse me?

AMY -- Floaters. Little specks in your vision that drift.

LIZ -- Oh. No. You still haven't told me what's going on here.

AMY -- (points ophthalmoscope into Liz's eyes, quickly) Do you
need glasses to read? Or when you drive?

LIZ -- No. (steps back) Alright. That's it. You're going to tell
me what's going on here!

AMY -- Have you had any deaths in the family or a divorce?

LIZ -- Divorce?! What does a divorce have to do with my health?!

AMY -- You ever been married?

LIZ -- No.

AMY -- No divorce then.

LIZ -- Why is it that I answer all your questions but you don't
answer any of mine?!

AMY -- Okay, I'll answer your question. I think it's the lab
coat. People feel more comfortable answering questions when you
wear a lab coat. Okay, I answered a question for you, now answer
a question for me. Do you have any relationship problems?

LIZ -- Your really getting personal. You going to ask me what 
size underwear....

AMY -- ...Relationship problems?

LIZ -- No.

AMY -- Well, then, I'd say you're in good health physically and
mentally.

LIZ -- On the contrary, I'm about to lose my mind! What's this
all about?!

AMY -- You ARE a Christian, aren't you?

LIZ -- You're doing it again.

AMY -- Well?

LIZ -- YES! I'm a Christian! Now answer my question.

AMY -- Alright, I'll tell you. The Boss wanted to know why you
don't have a ministry.

LIZ -- A ministry.

AMY -- The Lord's work on earth is done almost exclusively
through his people. And since YOU are not doing the work the
Lord gifted YOU for, I assumed that you were probably sick. But
you're obviously not sick. So, I assumed that you're probably
suffering from an emotional trauma, like....

LIZ -- Like divorce.

AMY -- You catch on fast.

LIZ -- So, all this fuss is because I'm not doing a ministry at
my church?

AMY -- Bingo.

LIZ -- Why don't you and your.... Boss, whoever he is, find
someone else to do your ministry?

AMY -- You're kidding, right?

LIZ -- Why would I kid you about something like that?

AMY -- Before the universe was created, the Lord designed you
with specific gifts and talents to do a specific ministry at a
specific time in history. If you don't do the ministry, there's
noone else with your specific gifts and talents to do the work.
The work won't get done.

LIZ -- God doesn't need me to do his work! He could just wave
his hand and the work would get done. Like that. (whisks hand)

AMY -- He could. But he doesn't because He's a trinity.

LIZ -- A trinity.

AMY -- Yes. One God, three persons.

LIZ -- I know what the trinity is! What does that have to do
with how God gets things done?

AMY -- God is all about relationships. And there's no better way
for you to develop nurturing relationships than serving other
people in ministry.

LIZ -- Oh.

AMY -- And since we now know that you are without excuse....

LIZ -- You talk as if Christian ministry is not optional.

AMY -- The Boss says it's not.

LIZ -- The Boss.

AMY -- The Boss. (points up)

LIZ -- Wait a minute. If (points up) He's your Boss, does that
mean you're an....

AMY -- (exiting, sings) Gotta fly.

LIZ -- ...ANGEL. (exiting quickly) Wait til I tell them that I
just had a medical exam by an angel. (stops, pauses, exits) On
second thought, who would believe me?

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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