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DEPOSIT  7'*m1f RT: Salvation, Holy Spirit, power, gifts, cults

(RT == Readers' Theater: requires little or no memorization,
little or no rehearsal. An indefinite number of reporters are
salted throughout the audience.)

LIZ -- (enters wearing pajamas, bathrobe and slippers, carrying
slip of paper, yawns, scratches self, notices audience, stops)

(flash bulbs flash)

Oh, I... I'm sorry. I didn't know you were having a news
conference. (turns, points) I'll just go out the other exit.

REPORTER -- This news conference is for you.

LIZ -- For me?!

REPORTER -- Your name is Elizabeth Johnson, isn't it?

LIZ -- Yes. But there must be some kind of mistake. I'm not
famous. I haven't done anything.... Who would want to read about
anything "I" did?

REPORTER -- You just made a deposit at this bank, did you not?

LIZ -- Yes. (holds up paper) Here's my deposit slip. But what's
so news-worthy about that?

REPORTER -- Have you looked at your bank balance?

LIZ -- No. I don't balance my checkbook until... (looks at slip
of paper) the end of the month when I get my bank state....
(pauses) Wait a minute. This can't be right!

REPORTER -- What does it say?

LIZ -- It says that my bank balance is over a million dollars!

REPORTER -- How do you feel about that?

LIZ -- Feel about that? I feel like someone is playing a
practical joke on me. That's how I feel.

REPORTER -- What would you say if we told you that an anonymous
donor has deposited one million dollars into your account?

LIZ -- No way. (looks at slip) One million dollars. No way!

REPORTER -- According to the branch manager, the anonymous donor
deposited the million dollars in the form of a cashier's check.
The deposit is for real. You can draw out the money any time you
want to.

LIZ -- No way!

REPORTER -- What would you like to tell the donor by way of the
press corps?

LIZ -- Tell him?

REPORTER -- Yes, what would you like to say to him?

LIZ -- Well, before I SAY anything, I have a lot of things to
ASK.

REPORTER -- Like what?

LIZ -- Like WHY? (holds up hands, shrugs shoulders)

(flash bulbs flash)

REPORTER -- So, your first question to the donor is WHY?

LIZ -- Yes. Why would he give ANYONE a million dollars? And why
choose me?

REPORTER -- According to the press release given to us by the
anonymous donor, the donor is very wealthy. He gives gifts to
people because giving is in his nature. He also said he chose
YOU for reasons that only HE could understand.

LIZ -- So, this is for real?

REPORTER -- This donor has done this many times before. And the
first impressions of the recipients is always disbelief. What
other emotions are you feeling besides disbelief?

LIZ -- Well, frankly, I'm still a little skeptical. I'm
wondering if this gift comes with strings attached.

REPORTER -- According to the donor, all the conditions for your
use of the gift are written on your deposit receipt.

LIZ -- (scans paper) Nothing is written here except the date, my
deposit and the balance. Does that mean there aren't any strings
attached?

REPORTER -- According to the donor's press release, there are no
strings attached. So, what will you do with the money?

LIZ -- Well, I don't know! I haven't had time to think about it.

REPORTER -- Are you experiencing any physical sensations as a
result of this gift?

LIZ -- Physical sensations?

REPORTER -- Yes. Does the gift give you a burning in your bosom?

LIZ -- A what?!

REPORTER -- A burning in your bosom. Some people think that when
you receive a generous gift, it gives you a burning in your
bosom. Is that true for you?

LIZ -- No. As a matter of fact, except for a little nervousness
from being confronted by the press corps, I have no physical
symptoms at all. Is that a problem?

REPORTER -- Well, some people think that if you don't have some
physical symptoms, like a burning in the bosom or like blurting
out gibberish, you haven't really received a gift at all.

LIZ -- Well, that's ridiculous! Unless I drop it on my toe, I
don't see how a gift of ANY kind can cause physical symptoms!

REPORTER -- Do you feel that your life has changed in any way as
a result of your gift?

LIZ -- Well, of course! I have a million dollars to dispose of.
That will take a lot of planning.

REPORTER -- How will you dispose of the money?

LIZ -- (deep breath) I don't know. I'm sure that will take a lot
of planning. It would be foolish to spend it all self-indulgence
and then spend the rest of my life as if I didn't receive the
gift at all.

REPORTER -- Yes, but do you think that you are a different
person now that you have received this gift?

LIZ -- A different person? No. (pauses) Now that I think about
it, I don't think ANY gift really changes who you are. Depending
on the gift, I suppose it changes the way you act, but (pats
self) This is still me, here. And (pats head) this is still me
here.

REPORTER -- So, you're still the same person you were BEFORE you
received this gift?

LIZ -- Yes, of course. I suppose, over time, the things I do
with this gift will change how I react to things. And I suppose
over time I'll change. But not now. Not right away.

REPORTER -- Do you think your life would be different if you
SPENT the money as opposed to if you GAVE it away?

LIZ -- Sure. Spending and giving are habits. If I get into the
habit of giving, I'll end up a different person than if I get
into the habit of spending. Sure. My life will be a lot
different, depending on what I do with the money.

REPORTER -- Do you feel any obligation to SPEND it or GIVE it
away?

LIZ -- Not right now. It's a big gift. It will take a lot of
thought.

REPORTER -- Do you think it's possible that you'll just leave
the money in the bank and do nothing with your gift?

LIZ -- (pause) That's a good question. Nothing says I HAVE to do
something with a gift. I suppose that one of the options I have
to consider is to do nothing with my gift.

REPORTER -- If you knew the person who gave you the gift, do you
think it would change the way you used your gift?

LIZ -- (pauses) Yes. Yes, it would. If I knew that the donor was
a generous person and is not just doing this to see me agonize
over this gift, I suppose I would tend to be generous with my
gift also.

REPORTER -- If the donor sent his personal assistant to help you
plan what you would do with this gift, would you welcome the
assistance?

LIZ -- Sure.

REPORTER -- That was quick. Would you like to elaborate on that?

LIZ -- Well, if a donor with huge resources gives me a gift,
then offers to help me use the gift, I would be a fool to
refuse.

REPORTER -- Wouldn't you consider that to be meddling?

LIZ -- No. Perhaps with the help of this assistant, I could
learn to become more like... more like... (pauses)

REPORTER -- What's the matter?

REPORTER -- Is something wrong?

LIZ -- I just had this discussion last night at dinner. But it
had nothing to do with a million dollars. It had to do with the
gift of salvation and the Holy Spirit. (moves to exit)

REPORTER -- Where are you going?

LIZ -- (stops, turns) This is not a news conference. This is a
dream. I'm going back to sleep. (exits)

REPORTER -- Sweet dreams.

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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