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CUREALL  5'?m2f Evangelism, the Lord's name in vane

LIZ -- (enters, begins crossing)

AMY -- (enters opposite) Elizabeth! You're just the person I
want to see!

LIZ -- Oh? Why is that?

AMY -- I have a gift for you! (offers a small bottle)

LIZ -- (takes bottle, reads label) What is it?

AMY -- This will cure what ails you.

LIZ -- What are these? Pills? But... (while reading label) I
don't have anything ailing me.

AMY -- You should take these anyway. They're good for you.

LIZ -- You still haven't told me what they are.

AMY -- (points) It says it right on the bottle.
Diphenyltriscodol.

LIZ -- Diphenyl...

AMY -- Diphenyltriscodol.

LIZ -- Uh huh.

AMY -- So, you will take them, huh?

LIZ -- But... why would I take them?

AMY -- I told you. They're good for you.

LIZ -- "They're good for you" doesn't really tell me anything.

AMY -- Okay, let me put it this way. If you take these pills,
all your problems will be solved. All your relationships will be
strengthened. All future diseases will be cured.

LIZ -- The next thing you're going to tell me is that if I take
these pills, bullets will just bounce off of me.

AMY -- Gee, maybe. I'm not sure. I'll have to get back to you on
that.

LIZ -- You don't really expect me to take these pills, do you?

AMY -- Why not? I already told you they're good for you.

LIZ -- Well, quite frankly, I doubt that ANY product on the
market can do everything you say these pills can do.

AMY -- So... you're NOT going to take them?

LIZ -- No. Here. (offers bottle) Try some other sucker.

AMY -- Oh, but.... (pushes bottle) They won't cost you a thing!
They're free of charge.

LIZ -- No obligation.

AMY -- Exactly.

LIZ -- Now I KNOW I won't take them.

AMY -- What if I offer them to you in a month or two? Do you
think you might reconsider?

LIZ -- Actually. In a month or two, I'll probably turn the other 
way when I see you coming.

AMY -- But why?

LIZ -- Because this is some kind of a scam.

AMY -- What if I come to you in a month or two with a completely
different product with a completely different name?

LIZ -- Nice try.

AMY -- But it's free! It's absolutely free!

LIZ -- Until you read the fine print.

AMY -- So, you don't believe me.

LIZ -- No. If something SOUNDS too good to be true it probably
is.

AMY -- But I don't understand. This is exactly the way YOU have
been trying to sell Jesus.

LIZ -- (pauses, forces bottle into Amy's hand, moves toward
exit) I should have known this was not about pills.

AMY -- You mean it wasn't?

LIZ -- (stops, turns) No. There's probably no such medicine as
diphenyl...

AMY -- Diphenyltriscodol. You're right. I made it up.

LIZ -- I know what this is about.

AMY -- What's that?

LIZ -- You're just jealous because I tell more people about
Jesus than you do!

AMY -- And you tell them that Jesus is the cure-all for
everything that's wrong with their lives.

LIZ -- Well, he is.

AMY -- You know, He just might be. But can you see that to a
non-believer your sales pitch sounds just like a scam?

LIZ -- No! This is different.

AMY -- I don't think so. You need to recheck the label of the
medicine you're selling. Jesus never promised people that He
would cure all their diseases, solve all their problems,
strengthen all their relationships...

LIZ -- Well, He never said it in so many words. But I know
people who have had their diseases cured.

AMY -- Are these the same people who had their relationships
strengthened AND who had their problems solved?

LIZ -- Well, I suppose I may have combined several testimonies
into one big testimony. Is that so bad? I mean, it's a good
cause.

AMY -- The problem is that in a month or two when someone else
talks to these people about the REAL Jesus, they'll compare the 
real Jesus against the composite Jesus YOU were talking about 
and they'll reject all future discussions about Jesus as a scam 
or an exaggeration.

LIZ -- I didn't mean to exaggerate.

AMY -- The medicine that Jesus preached only cures ONE thing for
non-believers, and that one thing is sin. I've never heard you
talk to people about sin.

LIZ -- Well, I thought if I started talking about sin, I'd lose
them.

AMY -- You lost them anyway. But now you have innoculated them
against any future talk about Jesus.

LIZ -- I never wanted to innoculate them AGAINST Jesus! I wanted
to innoculate them against sin.

AMY -- As you have seen from personal experience, people will
not take medicine unless they have a disease. And they won't
know that they have a disease unless you help them diagnose
their symptoms.

LIZ -- Give me those. (takes bottle)

AMY -- Why do you want those? They're just candy.

LIZ -- I need to apologize to a few people for misrepresenting
my product. (exiting) I need to tell them what you told me.

AMY -- Be sure and tell them about the money back guarantee.
(smiles broadly)

LIZ -- (stops, turns) What money back guar.... (turns, exits)
Oh. You're kidding. I do tend to take myself too seriously,
don't I?

AMY -- (follows) Not anymore.

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it.
Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances.
You may reproduce and distribute this script freely,
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http://www.bobsnook.org  email: bob@bobsnook.org

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