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CORRECT  4'1m1f A closer look at political correctness

HAL -- (enters, crosses to podium, opens Bible, reads) Our Bible 
reading for tonight is first John 5:11 and 12 "And this is the 
testimony: God has given us eternal life and this life is in his 
son. He who has the son has life. He who does not have the son 
of god does not have life"

VAL -- (enters) Just a minute, there, young man.

HAL -- Do you mind? I'm trying read the Bible for these...

VAL -- That text is not correct.

HAL -- Of course,  it's correct. I read it directly out of the
Bible.

VAL -- Well, then, the Bible is not correct.

HAL -- But, this is the New International Version. It was
translated by over a hundred international language and
Bible scholars.

VAL -- Well, then, THEY'RE not correct.

HAL -- How could they be not correct? They used the most recently 
discovered Greek and Hebrew manuscripts. This has to be the most 
accurate translation in history.

VAL -- Well, then, the Greek and Hebrew are not correct.

HAL -- Hold it right there, lady, the Greek and Hebrew were 
inspired by God himself. You can't get more correct than that.

VAL -- What I mean is that your Bible is not politically correct.

HAL -- What do you mean, it's not politically correct?

VAL -- I represent a coalition of homosexuals, radicals feminists,
atheists and several other special interest groups making up
less than 2% of the population, who want to sensitize you to
the exclusionary language that you Christians use to
suppress minorities.

HAL -- Well, consider me sensitized. Now, do you mind if I continue
my Bible reading?

VAL -- Not at all.

HAL -- Then, why aren't you leaving?

VAL -- I'll just stand here and monitor your language, to make sure
that it's politically correct.

HAL -- 1 John 5:13 "I write these things to you who believe in the
name of the son of God...

VAL -- (presses buzzer)

HAL -- ...so that you may know that you have eternal life. 

VAL -- (presses buzzer)

HAL --  Look, miss...

VAL -- ...that's MIZZ. My marital status is none of your business.

HAL -- Look, lady...

VAL -- LADY is an antiquated term that has been used by men for
generations to keep women in a submissive role. I would
appreciate it if you would refer to me by a more politically
correct term.

HAL -- Look,...person..., what's the purpose of the buzzer?

VAL -- It's a signal that you've violated the sensibilities of a
minority.

HAL -- But I haven't even finished ye...

VAL -- I was trying to signal you that you should reread 1 John
5:11 and 12 and correct all the errors you previously
committed.

HAL -- But, I explained it to you, there were no errors...

VAL -- (Buzzes) Just do it.

HAL -- Maybe another time...

VAL -- (Buzzes) Now! minorities have been suppressed for hundreds of 
years. The time has come for perpetrators like you to set the 
record straight.

HAL -- And you'll leave as soon as I finish?

VAL -- As soon as your language is politically correct.

HAL -- 1 John 5:11 and 12: And this is the testimony. God has...

VAL -- (buzzes) It isn't politically correct to publicly advocate 
one supreme being over another.

HAL -- And this is the testimony. deity has given us eternal life, 
and this life is in his...

VAL -- (buzzes) Specifying the sex of Deity is not politically 
correct.

HAL -- ...and this life is in ITS son... 

VAL -- (buzzes)

HAL --  ...and this life is in ITS OFFSPRING. He who has the...

VAL -- (buzzes)

HAL -- ...the INDIVIDUAL who has the... OFFSPRING has life. The 
INDIVIDUAL who does not have the OFFSPRING of DEITY does not 
have life. 

There. Was that politically correct?

VAL -- Yes.

HAL -- Good. Let's go, then. (pulls her toward exit)

VAL -- Go? Go where?

HAL -- I'm going to go to your meeting with you and to tell your 
people what offends Christians.

VAL -- But, that would be censorship!

HAL -- (buzzes) Bingo. Lesson number one.


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