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CONDEMN2 4'4m?f Guilty Conscience: Who is he that condemns?

(scene: one chair near wings, judge's bench or podium center 
stage)

WOMAN -- (enters angry) I can't believe I did it again! (stomps 
foot, sits) Why do I keep falling into the same sin, over and 
over?! (buries face in hands)

SATAN -- (enters wearing business suit, red face, horns, stands 
behind Woman, fakes sympathy) You look upset. Is something 
wrong?

WOMAN -- (unburies face does not look back) I just did it again. 
I swore I'd never do that sin again and the very same day I did 
it again!

SATAN -- I'm so sorry. But look at it this way. You're only 
human. 

WOMAN -- Thanks for the sympathy. But I feel so guilty.

JUDGE -- (enters wearing black robe, crosses to bench, pounds 
gavel) This court will come to order. The defendant will 
approach the bench.

WOMAN -- (stands crosses to bench) Yes, your honor.

JUDGE -- How does the defendant plead?

SATAN -- (crossing) My client pleads guilty, your honor.

WOMAN -- YOU are my defense counsel?

SATAN -- (ignores woman) ...But we throw ourselves on the mercy 
of the court, Your Honor. My client is only human. And besides, 
she's not fully in charge of her faculties.

JUDGE -- I don't understand. If SHE's not in charge of her 
faculties, who is?

SATAN -- I am. I am the prince of the power of the air. In 
short, your honor the devil made her do it. (laughs fiendishly)

WOMAN -- I don't stand a chance, do I?

JUDGE -- With your coconspirator as your defense counsel, your 
chances don't look good. But are you sure you want to plead 
guilty?

WOMAN -- I don't know, Your Honor. What choice do I have?

JUDGE -- We haven't scene the evidence. Has the prosecution 
prepared its case?

JESUS -- (enters opposite wearing tunic, carrying file folder) 
We have, your Honor.

SATAN -- Oh, no. Not you again.

JUDGE -- Order in the court. (pounds gavel)

SATAN -- Sorry, your honor.

JUDGE -- What evidence do you have against the defendant?

JESUS -- (opens file folder, let's it hang from one corner, 
showing that it's empty) I'm sorry, your honor. The 
prosecution's evidence against the defendant has disappeared.

JUDGE -- Disappeared?!

SATAN -- He always does this. He only does this to embarrass 
me.

JUDGE -- Order in the court. (pounds gavel)

SATAN -- Nobody told me that my client was a Christian.

JUDGE -- Order in the court. (pounds gavel)

SATAN -- Your Honor, I was blind-sided by the prosecution. I 
move for a change of venue.

JUDGE -- You can't move for a change of venue right in the 
middle of the trial! (turns to Jesus) Now, what's this about a 
lack of evidence?

JESUS -- Well, Your Honor. I was asked by my father to condemn 
all sinners, but after my death and resurrection, the evidence 
against all those who put their trust in me disappeared from the 
evidence room. 

JUDGE -- Including the defendant's?

JESUS -- Including the defendant's.

JUDGE -- Evidence doesn't just up and disappear!

SATAN -- This is not fair. This is not fair at all.

JESUS -- I'm sorry, Your Honor. I know that it appears to be a 
little irregular. It looks like a lack of justice. But when I 
died I paid the penalty for all the sins of this defendant, even 
those she hasn't committed yet.

JUDGE -- How can that be?

JESUS -- It was a plea bargain, Your Honor. When the defendant 
admitted her sins and put her trust in me, she became immune 
from prosecution. No evidence can be held against her.

SATAN -- Your honor, this is a travesty of justice!

JUDGE -- Well, it doesn't seem right to me either. But if 
there's no evidence to hold against her, I must declare the 
defendant not guilty.

SATAN -- Well, of course she's guilty! Look at her face! She's 
got guilt written all over her!

JESUS -- Well, she didn't get the guilt from me!

JUDGE -- Case dismissed. (pounds gavel, exits)

JESUS -- Come with me, child. 

WOMAN -- (exits with Jesus) I've got no reason to feel guilty, 
do I?

JESUS -- (exiting) Not as far as I'm concerned.

SATAN -- (follows) Hey, you're still human! It's only human to 
feel guilty! You can feel guilty if you want to.

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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