BACK

COMEDOWN 6'1m3f Back from the women's retreat to real life

DAD -- (enters carrying baby wrapped in blanket, rocking it in 
his arms as he walks)

TIF -- (follows carrying two paper airplanes and a chair) This 
is really stupid, Daddy. (puts down chair, stands on it) Look. 
This doesn't prove anything. (throws paper airplane toward 
audience) 

DAD -- (whispers, points to baby) Can you keep your voice down, 
please? She's almost asleep.

TIF -- Well, the planes don't even fly right. (throws plane) And 
even if they did, this has nothing to do with gravity.

DAD -- (continues to opposite exit) Sure it does.

TIF -- (follows) How?

DAD -- I don't know. Ask your mother. (exits)

TIF -- When will she be home? (exits)

MOM -- (enters opposite with suitcase, smiling) I'm home.

ASH -- (enters opposite Mom) Oh, hi, Mom. How was the women's 
retreat?

MOM -- (puts down suitcase, hugs Ash) It was WONderful! I got a 
glimpse of God's love. And I....

ASH -- (breaks away, continues to opposite exit) Mom, have you 
seen my blue blouse?

MOM -- Blue blouse?

ASH -- Yeah, you know, the one with the pockets.

MOM -- I put it in the dryer just before I left for the retreat 
on Friday. What's the dining room chair doing in the living 
room?

ASH -- I think it has to do with Tiffany's science project. 
(continuing to opposite exit) Don't tell me my blouse has been 
in the dryer since Friday! It'll be all wrinkled! (exits)

MOM -- You said you were going to take the clothes out and hang 
them.... I'm talking to myself. (picks up suitcase)

TIF -- (enters, carrying another paper ) Mom, you've just got to 
help me with my science project. Daddy was no help at all. 

MOM -- (puts down suitcase, hugs Tif) Well, thank you for that 
wonderful welcome home. I had a wonderful time at the retreat. I 
got a glimpse of God's love....

TIF -- (breaks free) Daddy had me making paper airplanes for my 
science project. I don't see that airplanes have anything to do 
with gravity. Do you?

MOM -- So, that's why the dining room chair is in the middle of 
the living room and everything is a mess?

TIF -- This mess isn't all mine. Just the paper airplanes. 
Ashley was doing her research paper in here and left her papers 
and books all over the place. So, what am I going to do about my 
science project? It's due tomorrow. And paper airplanes just 
aren't going to hack it.

MOM -- Well, I guess I know how God feels.

TIF -- What are you talking about? Mother, are you feeling 
alright? Did you catch a disease at the retreat?

MOM -- No, it's just that I got a glimpse of God's love up at 
the retreat. And now I'm seeing God's love from his viewpoint. 
What a rude awakening.

TIF -- Mother, you're not making any sense. Are you sure you're 
feeling alright?

MOM -- I'm fine. 

TIF -- Good. The clock is ticking, Mother, and I still don't 
have a clue what I'm going to do for my science project.

MOM -- Go out to the garage and find a tennis ball and some 
string.

TIF -- A tennis ball and some string.

MOM -- Yes.

TIF -- Mother, this science project is about gravity.

MOM -- I know.

TIF -- You're mad at me for standing on your dining room chair, 
aren't you?

MOM -- You just go find the ball and string. You're science 
project will come out just fine.

TIF -- (continues to opposite exit) Are you sure you're alright? 

MOM -- I'm fine. (picks up suitcase) 

TIF -- (exiting) A tennis ball and some string. I sure hope you 
know what you're doing.

ASH -- (enters with blue blouse) Mother, there is no way I can 
wear this blouse tomorrow. It's full of wrinkles!

MOM -- (puts suitcase down) Ashley, do you know how much God 
loves you?

ASH -- Mother, are you alright?

MOM -- I'm fine.

ASH -- You're acting weird.

MOM -- I'll explain it after your latest crisis is over.

ASH -- Mother, do you know what day it is tomorrow?

BOTH -- Blue Monday.

ASH -- That's right. Whenever our team wins on Friday night, we 
always wear blue on Monday. (holds up blouse) Look at this? What 
am I going to wear tomorrow?

MOM -- Ashley, take the blouse back to the laundry room, fill 
the iron with distilled water, turn the iron on to medium, and 
leave the blouse there. I will iron the blouse in plenty of time 
for you to wear it to school tomorrow. And I love you.

ASH -- (backs away) Are you alright? You're acting kind of 
weird. (turns, exits) Dad! Mom's home and she's acting weird!

MOM -- (picks up chair, takes a step, puts down chair, sits in 
chair, deep breath, smiles at God)

DAD -- (enters, rocking baby) Ashley, can you keep you voice 
down please? (turns, talks back to exit) The baby is almost 
asleep. (turns to Mom) Hi, Hon, how was the retreat? (lays baby 
into Mom's arms) We really missed you. (hugs Mom)

MOM -- (takes baby) I missed you too. I had a wonderful time at 
the retreat. I got a glimpse of God's love.

DAD -- You didn't tell me that changing diapers was so smelly 
when a baby is teething.

MOM -- I'm sorry. Everything was a crisis when I left on Friday. 
I...

DAD -- Listen, (point back to exit, backs away) I have a lot of 
paperwork to do for the meeting tomorrow morning. I'd love to 
hear about the retreat. But... By the way, she (points to baby) 
needs to be changed again. (exits)

MOM -- But... (looks down at baby, sighs) It's nice to be 
needed, I guess. (kisses baby, yawns) Well, I guess you can't 
stay up til three o'clock in the morning without paying the 
price. (smiles toward God, nods, sleeps)

TIF -- (enters carrying tennis ball and string) I hope you know 
what you're doing, Mother. This science project is about 
gravity...

MOM -- (wakes) Huh?

TIF -- Are you sure you're alright, Mom?

MOM -- I'm fine. I'm just a little tired.

TIF -- So, what's with the ball and string?

MOM -- We're going to study the pendulum.

TIF -- The pendulum?

MOM -- Yes.

TIF -- Oh, that's cool. What do I do?

MOM -- (stands) Well, let me change the baby and put her to bed, 
them I'll explain it to you while I iron your sister's blouse. 
(picks up suitcase, moves to exit)

TIF -- (follows, carrying chair) Cool! What would I ever do 
without you, Mom?

MOM -- I was just asking God the same question. (exits)

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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