CAROLS   3'2m?f Christmas carols vs scripture

BILL -- (enters, shouts to Lill) I need to look up some stuff...

LIL -- (standing at Podium, reading, whisper) Shshshshsh. Sir, 
you're in a Library. You're going to have to keep your voice 

BILL -- (lowers voice a little) Oh, sorry. 

LILL --  What can I help you with, sir?

BILL -- Well, I've been trying to find some things in my Bible, 
but I can't find it. Can you help me find it?

LILL -- Why, yes, of course. We have a concordance. What did you 
want me to look up for you?

BILL -- Christmas. C... H... R... I... S....

LILL -- ...I think I know how to spell Christmas. But I can save 
us a lot of time. I happen to know that Christmas is not in the 

BILL -- It isn't? But I thought...

LILL -- Well, the story of Christmas is in the Bible, the birth 
of Jesus. But the word CHRISTMAS is not. 

BILL -- Well, it wasn't really Christmas I wanted to look up. It 
was stuff about Christmas.

LILL -- What STUFF did you want to look up, sir.


LILL -- Did you say NOEL?

BILL -- Yeah, you know. (sings) The first Noel, the angels did 

LILL -- Shshshshsh.

BILL -- Oh, sorry.

LILL -- I'm familiar with the song, sir, but the word NOEL is 
not in the Bible.

BILL -- It isn't? How could that be?

LILL -- The New Testament is written in Greek, sir, but the word 
NOEL is french.

BILL -- Well, I'll be! Here's something I know is in the Bible. 
Silent night. You know, like (sings) Silent Night, Holy Night.

LILL -- Shshshshsh.

BILL -- (cringes)

LILL -- Once again, sir, I can save you a lot of time. Silent 
night is not in the Bible.

BILL -- Not even the King James Version?

LILL -- Not even the King James Version, sir. As a matter of 
fact, there's a lot of evidence that the night was not silent at 

BILL -- It wasn't?

LILL -- No. According to the Bible, there was a loud chorus of 
angels singing praises to the new born king.

BILL -- Well, I'll be. So, it was the angels who sang (sings) FA 
LA (cringes, sings quieter) FA LA LA LA LA LA LA.

LILL -- It was more like "Glory to God in the highest."

BILL -- Oh. So, there's no FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA in the 

LILL -- No, I'm sorry. (pause) Was there something else?

BILL -- Yes. Pa rum pum pum pum.

LILL -- Excuse me?

BILL -- (sings quietly) Pa rum pum pum pum.

LILL -- I see. The drum sound.

BILL -- Yeah, you know the little drummer boy.

LILL -- (turns pages) No. I'm sorry, but there is no entry in 
the concordance for either drum or drummer boy.

BILL -- I think you are badly mistaken. I happen to know that 
the ox and lamb kept time.

LILL -- Yes, well,...

BILL -- I suppose you're going to try to tell me that nobody in 
the stable where Jesus was born had green sleeves.

LILL -- Well, as a matter of fact...

BILL -- ...No chestnuts roasting on an open fire? No jack frost 
nipping at your nose?

LILL -- Well, no.

BILL -- Boy! Do you need a new concordance. Thanks a lot!


Next thing she be telling me is that there is no Santa Claus.

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