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BURNING  4'?m2f The Bible vs the burning in your bosom

(knock, knock, knock)

LIZ -- (enters, shouts) Come on in. It's open.

AMY -- (enters opposite carrying empty casserole dish) Hello,
neighbor.

LIZ -- Oh, hi, Mrs Johnson.

AMY -- Please, we're neighbors now. Call me Amy.

LIZ -- Okay. And you can call me Liz.

AMY -- Good. I brought back your casserole dish. Thanks for the 
casserole.

LIZ -- (takes casserole dish) You're most welcome.

AMY -- That casserole was really delicious! You really do know
how to make new neighbors feel welcome!

LIZ -- Did you give any more thought to my request?

AMY -- Actually, yes, I did. As a matter of fact, I gave it a
lot of thought.

LIZ -- Good. So, I'll see you at church on Sunday?

AMY -- Ah, no. I decided not to go to your church.

LIZ -- May I ask why?

AMY -- Well, it all pretty much boils down to whether or not
the prophets in your church really speak for God.

LIZ -- And you don't think they do?

AMY -- No, I did a lot of reading on the subject and I couldn't
find any archaeological evidence for any of the claims of your 
church founders. And I couldn't find any of the usual signs that 
they were true prophets.

LIZ -- Signs?

AMY -- I couldn't find any healings or exorcisms or miracles of
any kind in the historical record. And I couldn't even find any
predictions that could be validated as coming true.

LIZ -- You couldn't?

AMY -- No. As a matter of fact, of the few predictions they made
with a deadline, it looks like they missed completely.

LIZ -- Yes, well, we can explain that. But, tell me, I asked you
to pray about it and ask God to tell you whether my church is
the true church. Did you pray about it?

AMY -- Yes, I did.

LIZ -- And did you get a burning in your bosom?

AMY -- Well, yes, but it's not what you expected.

LIZ -- What do you mean?

AMY -- While I was praying, I kept getting a vision in my mind
of your husband.

LIZ -- My husband!?

AMY -- Yes, I find him very attractive. He's a real hunk. So, I
asked the Lord if I should pursue a relationship with him.

LIZ -- With MY husband?

AMY -- Yes, and I got a real burning in my bosom for him. You
know what that means, don't you?

LIZ -- Wait a minute! That CAN'T be from God!

AMY -- It can't?

LIZ -- No.

AMY -- Why not?

LIZ -- One of the Ten Commandments tells us not to commit
adultery.

AMY -- Adultery.

LIZ -- Yes. He's MY husband! That would be adultery.

AMY -- But what about the burning in my bosom? You said that
would be a sign from God.

LIZ -- Well, it might be a sign if it weren't against the ten
commandments.

AMY -- But I prayed about it.

LIZ -- Tough cookies! It's written in the Bible.

AMY -- So, what you're saying is that if it's written in the
Bible, praying about it is a waste of time.

LIZ -- That's right.

AMY -- Isn't that interesting?!

LIZ -- So, you'll keep your hands off my husband?

AMY -- Oh, I never intended to pursue your husband.

LIZ -- You didn't?

AMY -- No. I just wanted you to see how ridiculous it is to pray
about something that's obvious from the Bible.

LIZ -- What do you mean?

AMY -- The Bible says if a man claims to be a prophet, but his
predictions don't come true, he's not really a prophet.

LIZ -- Oh, that. I told you, we can explain that.

AMY -- While you're at it, explain how your prophets claim to 
speak for God, but what they say contradicts what God says in 
the Bible.

LIZ -- Like what?

AMY -- Like, the Bible says, in at least two places that I'm
aware of, that Jesus created the universe.

LIZ -- It does?

AMY -- Yes.

LIZ -- I wouldn't know. I don't read the Bible that much.

AMY -- How could Jesus create the universe and be one of the
creatures he created?

LIZ -- I... I don't understand.

AMY -- Your prophets claim that Jesus is an angel. But angels 
are created beings. That would make Jesus a created being. How 
could Jesus be both the creator and created?

LIZ -- I don't know. I'll pray about it and let you know.

AMY -- You mean you'll report back to me about the burning in
your bosom?

LIZ -- Yes.

AMY -- (holds hand over heart) Maybe we can compare the burnings
in our bosoms.

LIZ -- You should go now.

AMY -- (exiting) Well, thanks for the casserole.

LIZ -- (turns, shouts, exiting) Honey, do we have a Bible in the
house?
2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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