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BATTLE   3'2m2f Marriage, communication, conflict, love

(Red and Blu are army generals, wearing fatigues and a
communication headset, carrying a clipboard)

RED -- (enters, stands near exit) This is Red Leader. All units,
prepare for battle.

BLU -- (enters opposite, stands near exit) This is Blue Leader.
Prepare for battle.

(Him and Her enter from opposite sides, meet at C, fold arms,
turn away from each other)

RED -- Begin attack strategy. Cut all lines of communication.

HER -- Don't talk to me.

HIM -- Don't worry. You never listen anyway.

BLU -- Begin shock and awe bombing.

HER -- My mother told me not to marry you. Why didn't I listen
to her?

RED -- Begin artillery barrage.

HIM -- You're just like your mother. Why did I marry you?

BLU -- Commence counter attack.

HER -- You leave my mother out of this!

RED -- Commence counter attack.

HIM -- You were the one who brought her up!

BLU -- Commence small arms fire.

HER -- No. You did.

RED -- Commence small arms fire.

HIM -- No. You did.

HER -- No. You did.

HIM -- No. You did.

BLU -- Bring in the snipers and fire at will.

HER -- I'm not even sure you're a Christian.

RED -- Return sniper fire.

HIM -- Look who's talking.

BLU -- Bring in the armored vehicles.

HER -- How can you say such a thing?! You are so cruel!

RED -- Advance the armored battalion.

HIM -- Me?! You were the one who questioned my faith!

BLU -- Increase small arms fire.

HER -- You did it first.

RED -- Return small arms fire.

HIM -- No. You did.

HER -- No. You did.

HIM -- No. You did.

BLU -- Assess battle damage.

HER -- You really hurt me.

RED -- Assess battle damage.

HIM -- You hurt me too.

BLU -- Send out REcon patrols.

RED -- Send out REcon patrols.

HER -- Is this argument really getting us anywhere?

HIM -- I don't know. All I know is that I was really mad at you.

HER -- Do you remember why?

HIM -- Not really. These arguments are hardly ever about what we
say they are.

HER -- You're right. I think I was impatient with you about
something completely unrelated to our argument.

HIM -- Me too.

BLU -- INtell, see if we can declare a cease fire.

RED -- INtell, what about the possibility of a cease fire?

HER -- I'm sorry I took those cheap shots at you.

HIM -- I'm sorry I said those things about your mother.

HER -- I think we could talk this out without all the fighting.

HIM -- Me too.

RED -- The enemy has dropped it's weapons. Cease fire. Cease
fire.

BLU -- The enemy has disarmed. Cease fire. I declare a
unilateral disarmament.

RED -- Standby for permanent disarmament talks.

HER -- Let's not do this anymore.

HIM -- You're right. From now on, your mother is off limits in
any arguments.

HER -- Good. Then, so is my questioning of your salvation.

BLU -- I think it's time to negotiate a permanent peace. (exits)

RED -- Permanent peace in our time. (exits opposite)

HIM -- (offers hand) Let's see if we can work things out like
loving Christians.

HER -- (takes hand, exits with Him) We can do ANYTHING through
him who gives us strength.

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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