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TABLOID  4'3m?f A sleazy newspaper looks at Sodom & Gomorrah

(scene: conference table and chairs, all actors standing or 
sitting on table)

EDITOR -- Okay, let's get this meeting started.

(all take their seats)

FRED --   (holds up a shallow pink box) You want another doughnut, 
Ed?

EDITOR -- No, thanks. Okay, now let's talk about the cover story 
for our next issue.

NED --    I've got a great story about a couple from Canaan who 
were abducted by an alien.

EDITOR -- I don't know, we've done alien abductions on 13 of the 
last 22 cover stories, Ned. Let's go for something fresh.

FRED --   How about a prediction from a psychic. Those cover 
stories always sell our tabloid.

EDITOR -- Hey, hey! We are not a tabloid, Fred. We are a 
legitimate weekly newspaper.

ALL --    (laugh)

FRED --   Yeah, right.

NED --    I'm sure.

EDITOR -- Alright, let's get serious. We are the number one 
selling supermarket newspaper in Babylon. And how did we get so 
big?

NED --    By scrupulously avoiding real news?

FRED --   By inventing the news?

EDITOR -- No! By keeping our news fresh and meaty. So, let's 
hear some other ideas for the cover this week.

FRED --   How about the amazing new cottage cheese diet? 
(laughs)

EDITOR -- We ran that last winter.

NED --    And the winter before that. Besides, noone ever loses 
weight on those diets.

FRED --   Yeah, but they sell newspapers.

EDITOR -- Come on, guys, the deadline is approaching fast. 
What's a fresh, meaty cover story?

NED --    How about the twins separated at birth, then reunited 
43 years later?

FRED --   That never came over the wires. When did that happen?

NED --    It didn't. I just made it up.

EDITOR -- Now, that's the kind of creative journalism that will 
keep us on top of the industry. Fred, you got anything new?

FRED --   Yeah, I think you'll like this one. 

EDITOR -- Well, make it fast. Deadline is staring us in the face 
and so far all we have is another twins story.

FRED --   Okay, this uncle and his nephew go their separate 
ways. The uncle, named Abraham, stays in Canaan, while the 
nephew, named Lot takes his family to live in, get this, Sodom 
and Gomorrah.

NED --    (yelp) The twin sin cities. I like this story already. 

EDITOR -- This could be what we're looking for. Keep going.

FRED --   Okay, so, God visits Abraham and warns him that 
because there's so much sin in Sodom and Gomorrah, he's going to 
destroy both cities. 

NED --    (whistles) You got a headline in mind for this one?

EDITOR -- We'll talk about a headline later. Let Fred finish the
story.

FRED --   Angels convince the nephew Lot and his family to move 
out of town just as fire begins to rain down from the sky and
burn both cities to a crisp. Meanwhile, the angels have warned
Lot's wife not to turn back toward the city while they're
fleeing for their lives.

NED --    But she does anyway. Right?

FRED --   Right. But, the moment she turns around, she turns 
into a pillar of salt.

NED --    Wow, what a story. Is it true?

FRED --   Every word. I confirmed it with two separate groups of 
itinerant merchants who went through the area and saw the ruins, 
still smoking. A couple of them even saw the pillar of salt.

NED --    Well, what do you think, Ed? Do we have a cover story 
here or what?!

EDITOR -- No way we can touch the story.

NED --    What?

FRED --   But, why?

EDITOR -- First of all. It really happened. We didn't get to be 
number one by dealing in reality. And second. It's too 
fantastic. Who'd believe it? We'll run an alien abduction for 
this week's cover. Meeting adjourned.

(all exit)


2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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