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SUNSTOPS 4'2m0f Joshua's confrontation with Gibeonites, Amorites

CALEB --- (Enters, crosses to podium, blows on and taps 
microphone, P.A. system with echo) Testing. Testing. Okay, can 
everybody hear me alright? Okay, my name is Caleb. But here's a 
man who needs no introduction. He took over as your leader after 
Moses died, he led us to victory at Jericho and he just returned 
from back-to-back victories over the Gibeonites and the 
Amorites. And now without further ado, let's welcome our leader, 
Joshua, son of Nun. (prompts for applause)

JOSHUA -- (enters, crosses to podium, waving) Thank you, 
thank you, people of Israel. It's a pleasure to return from the 
battle field to report such a marvelous victory. This land is 
OUR land!

(Caleb prompts for applause)

After the easy victory over Jericho, we didn't know if we had 
what it took to conquer the combined power of the five biggest 
kingdoms in Canaan. Well, the Lord promised that he'd help us in 
this battle. So, we attacked the Amorites with a vengeance. And 
I'm here to report that, while we didn't see the Lord's hand in 
the battle, we did conquer the Amorites in only one day...

CALEB --- (steps up to microphone) Excuse me, Joshua, but you 
DID see the Lord's hand.

JOSHUA -- (aside) Not now, Caleb, can't you see I'm busy here? 
(pushes Caleb away) I personally killed twice as many of the 
enemy as ever before in a single day...

CALEB --- (steps up to microphone) You didn't do that by 
yourself.

JOSHUA -- (pushing him away) Caleb, please. Just because you had 
to stay at behind, don't spoil it for those of us who were heroes 
in battle. Where was I?

CALEB --- (steps up to microphone) You were about to tell us 
about your great victory over the Gibeonites.

JOSHUA -- I haven't finished telling them about the Amorites 
yet. We chased the all over the...

CALEB --- You started out from here to conquer the Gibeonites. 
Let's take it in chronological order. Tell us about your great 
victory over the Gibeonites.

JOSHUA -- (softly) We didn't fight the Gibeonites.

CALEB --- I'm sorry, I don't think that the people in the back 
heard you. Could you repeat that?

JOSHUA -- I'd much rather talk about our great victory over the 
Amorites.

CALEB --- (louder) So, why didn't you conquer the Gibeonites?

JOSHUA -- (softly) They tricked us.

CALEB --- I'm sorry, I don't think that the people in the back 
heard you. Could you repeat that?

JOSHUA -- I said, they tricked us. There, I said it. They 
tricked us. They met us on the road and made us think that they 
were from Babylonia or some other far off land. So, we made a 
treaty with them, because we thought they lived outside the 
promised land.

CALEB --- Is that what the Lord told you to do?

JOSHUA -- (softly) We didn't ask the Lord.

CALEB --- Excuse me?

JOSHUA -- I said, we forgot to ask the Lord about them.

CALEB --- Oh, brother.

JOSHUA -- It was an honest mistake. They met us on the road with 
dust all over their clothes and animals. They were carrying 
crusty, moldy bread as if they had been on the road a long time. 
But when our troops advanced to the next town, we found out that 
it was Gibeon. We had to honor our treaty. How would it look if 
we made a treaty and then wiped them out?

CALEB --- So, the sinful pagans, who should have been 
completely wiped out, will now be a thorn in our flesh forever?

JOSHUA -- When we found out who they really were, we made them 
promise to cut our firewood and haul our water forever because 
they deceived us.

CALEB --- That is soooo comforting.

JOSHUA -- Let's talk about our triumph over the Amorites.

CALEB --- Yes, let's.

JOSHUA -- Did I mention that we conquered all five kingdoms in 
one day, and that I killed twice as many enemy as my personal 
best in one day?

CALEB --- Well, then, you must have asked for the Lord's 
blessing this time.

JOSHUA -- Yes, but I really don't think we needed much help from 
the Lord, though. We were really good!

CALEB --- Did you notice that the day was a bit longer than 
usual?

JOSHUA -- How would I know? I was too busy killing pagans. Time 
really flies when you're having fun...

CALEB --- The Lord made the sun stand still.

JOSHUA -- He what?

CALEB --- (louder) The Lord made the sun stand still. Yesterday 
was 48 hours long.

JOSHUA -- So, my personal best record will have an asterisk by 
it?

CALEB --- Uh huh. But I'm sorry that the Lord didn't give you 
any help in battle.

JOSHUA -- Well, I'm famished. How about lunch?

CALEB --- Yes, what shall we serve? How about humble pie? 
(exits)

JOSHUA -- Very funny. (exits)


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