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SINGING  6'1m*f RT: Jehoshaphat defeats three armies with prayer

(RT == Readers' Theater: requires little or no memorization,
little or no rehearsal. An indefinite number of reporters are
salted throughout the audience.)

JEHOSHAPHAT -- (enters wearing royal robe, sandals and crown,
carrying scroll, crosses to podium) Good Morning. I am
Jehoshaphat King of Judah. (reads) As you all know, three enemy
nations, the Moabites, the Ammonites, and the Meunites recently
joined forces to attack our nation. And in response I commanded
the army of Judah to confront their combined armies in the
desert of Jeruel. The reason I called this press conference is
to announce the result of that confrontation. Two words. WE WON.

REPORTER -- Your Majesty, do you have the casualty figures from
both sides?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- Yes. Every single soldier from all three enemy
armies died. There was not a single survivor.

REPORTER -- And the casualties for the army of Judah?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- Zero.

REPORTER -- Are you saying that NONE of our soldiers were
killed?!

JEHOSHAPHAT -- Not one.

REPORTER -- And how many wounded?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- None.

REPORTER -- Are you saying that every one of our soldiers came
out of a confrontation against three armies without a scratch?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- Well, there were a few complaints about strained
backs.

REPORTER -- Why the strained backs?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- From spending three days carrying away the
enemy's weapons and supplies AFTER the war was over.

REPORTER -- It took your army THREE DAYS to carry away all the
spoils of war?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- Remember, it was three armies. And they were
heavily armed.

REPORTER -- Your army must have employed a secret weapon in this
battle.

JEHOSHAPHAT -- Actually, we had four secret weapons.

REPORTER -- Would one of these weapons include the new catapults
invented by the Europeans?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- I'm sorry I don't know what a catapult is.

REPORTER -- How about the black powder explosive invented by the
Chinese?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- Never heard of it.

REPORTER -- Well, what secret weapons did you use?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- First, we fasted.

REPORTER -- You say you... FASTED? You stopped eating?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- Yes.

REPORTER -- I would think that depriving your men of food would
have the opposite effect.

JEHOSHAPHAT -- We didn't fast on the day of battle. We fasted
before we went before the Lord God in prayer.

REPORTER -- What good did that do?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- By fasting, we acknowledged that Judah as a
nation and Israel as a whole made a mistake in dealing with
these same three armies in the past.

REPORTER -- But these three armies have never attacked Judah
before.

JEHOSHAPHAT -- I'm speaking of Israel's confrontation with these
same three nations way back during the exodus during the days of
Moses. It was the Ammonites, the Moabites and those living at
Mount Sier, the Meunites who would not let our people pass
through their land on the way to the promised land. Our fasting
acknowledged that we as a nation should have wiped out these
nations centuries ago so they would not be thorns in our
nation's side today.

REPORTER -- Let's get back to the secret weapons. BESIDES
fasting, what secret weapons did your army employ?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- Well, of course, we prayed and asked God for a
victory.

REPORTER -- No, I'm talking about secret WEAPONS.

JEHOSHAPHAT -- Make no mistake about it. Fasting and prayer ARE
secret weapons.

REPORTER -- Okay, let me put it another way. Other than fasting
and prayer, what secret weapons did you use?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- We inquired of the Lord our God.

REPORTER -- That's a weapon?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- I will remind you that we are God's chosen
people. Without God on our side we don't have a chance. So, I
asked a prophet of God if God was on our side.

REPORTER -- What was the answer?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- Jahaziel son of Zechariah the prophet told us
that our prayers and repentance were received by the Lord and
this battle against the three combined armies was now in God's
own hands.

REPORTER -- Let's get back to the secret weapons. BESIDES
fasting and prayer and inquiring of the Lord, what secret
weapons did your army employ?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- We sang.

REPORTER -- I'm sorry. Could you repeat that?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- We sang. (sings) "Give thanks to the LORD, for
his love endures forever."

REPORTER -- So, all four of your SECRET weapons were not weapons
at all.

JEHOSHAPHAT -- I beg your pardon! They were all the weapons the
army of Judah needed to defeat three armies!

REPORTER -- Can we talk about weapons and tactics? How did you
kill all those soldiers?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- We didn't.

REPORTER -- You didn't?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- No. We didn't.

REPORTER -- But they ARE dead?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- As a door nail.

REPORTER -- But your army didn't kill any of them.

JEHOSHAPHAT -- Not one.

REPORTER -- How did they die then?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- God did it. He is our ultimate secret weapon.

REPORTER -- Do you have any idea HOW he killed all those
soldiers?

JEHOSHAPHAT -- He turned them against each other. Apparently the
Lord cause the Ammonites and Moabites to misidentify the
Meunites as US. The Ammonites and Moabites wiped out the
Meunites and then for some reason turned their swords on one
another. They were all dead when we arrived. All we had to do
was collect the spoils of war.

REPORTER -- And you credit this to the Lord.

JEHOSHAPHAT -- Listen, I want you to write this down. You're
going to hear this repeated over and over again for thousands of
years in the future: "If God is for us who can be against us?"

(exits)

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