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REUNION  8'1m0f Fearing death, Jacob tries to buy off Esau

JACOB -- (enters, looks through binoculars, dials cell phone, 
puts it to ear) Hello, Mildred's Florist?

Yeah, hi, Mildred, this is Jacob, Isaac's boy.

Yeah, it has been a long time. Listen, Mildred, I need to...

Twenty years? Has it been that long?

Where have I been? I was at my uncle Laban's place.

Tending sheep, mostly. Yeah. Listen, Mildred, I'm really in a 
bind here. You still sell roses, don't you?

Good. Could you package up 2 dozen roses right away... No, make 
that 4 dozen... long stemmed roses, Mildred.

She? Oh, no, these aren't for a woman, Mildred. I'm married now.

Her name? Rachel. Well, I'm also married to her sister Leah.

It's a little hard to explain, Mildred. Listen, I really need 
those roses fast. (looks through binoculars)

Yes, Mildred, I have children. Twelve sons and one daughter.

Well, it wasn't my idea to have so many children, Mildred. It 
was kind of a competition thing between my wives.

I know that sounds like a lot of children for two women to have, 
Mildred, but they had help. 

Yeah, they had help. It's a little hard to explain, Mildred. 
Maybe we could talk about it next time I'm in town...

Okay, Mildred, if you must know, my wives each have a 
maidservant. I had some children by them too.

See? I knew you wouldn't understand, Mildred. Listen, you just 
package up those roses and I'll send someone over...

Yes, Mildred, I already knew my brother Esau was back in town. 
That's who the roses are for.

Why roses? Well, it's a little hard to explain, Mildred. The 
reason I left town in a hurry 20 years ago was because Esau was 
mad at me. The roses are a kind of a peace offering... Excuse 
me?

Mildred, I really don't have time... 

Alright, I'll tell you. He was jealous. Listen, I'm going to
send my wife over to pick up the roses. Can you have them ready
in five minutes?

Would you mind if we talk about this later, Mil... 

Okay Mildred, I'll tell you, but time is awastin' here. (look 
through binoculars) I can see my brother across the valley and 
he's headed this way.

Yes, Mildred, he still has red hair... all over his body. 
Mildred are you packaging those roses? Because I would hate 
to...

Good... why Esau is jealous... Well, it turns out I'm inheriting 
twice as much from our father as my brother is.

Yes, he IS the oldest, but...

Yes, as the first born, he should have gotten the larger share 
but, see, he sold his inheritance to me.

How much? How are those roses coming, Mildred? He's headed this 
way. (looks through binoculars) He'll be here soo...

Alright, if you must know, Mildred, I caught Esau in a moment of 
weakness and bought his inheritance for a bowl of stew.

That's right, Mildred, I said stew, lentil stew. Listen, I have 
to get off the phone now. I have to call my wife and have her 
pick up the roses and deliver them to Esau before he makes me 
into a grease spot on a rock somewhere.

Alright, yes, Mildred, if you must know, there was something else 
that got him mad at me. But it wasn't my fault. My father gave 
me the blessing that Esau was supposed to receive. Now I'm in 
the line of the Messiah and Esau will live among the rocks... 
Listen, Mildred, I really have to go. I have to call...

Yes, I promise I'll call you back as soon as I'm done.

Yeah, thanks, Mildred. Goodbye.

(redials phone)

Hello, Rachel? Yeah, it's Jacob. Listen, Hun, I need to have you 
stop by Mildred's Flower Shop and pick up the 4 dozen roses I 
just ordered for my brother.

Thanks, Rachel.

Well, I was sort of hoping YOU would deliver them to Esau.

Well, I suppose he could be mad enough at me to kill you, but 
it's not very...

Alright, Rachel, calm down. I tell you what. If it would make you 
feel safer, take the baby along with you. That should soften him 
up.

Well, I suppose there's a chance that he could be mad enough at 
me to kill you both. 

Well, if would make you feel better, take Leah and her kids 
along too. Have the young ones hug and kiss him. They're cute. 
I'm sure he'd never...

Well, I suppose there's always a chance that he could be mad 
enough at me...

Yes, Rachel, he DID promise to kill me, but that was years ago. 
I tell you what. I'll call down to the sheep pens and have them 
shepherds count out 2000 sheep for you to give Esau. How could 
he hurt a woman who just gave him 2000 sheep?

Well, I suppose there's a chance he could be mad enough to kill 
all of you AND the sheep too, but...

Well, if it will make you feel better, send the two maid servants 
and all their kids ahead of you.

Me? Oh, I couldn't possibly deliver the flowers, Rachel. 

Why? Why.

Because I have to... prepare a feast for Esau when he gets here. 
Yeah, that's it. I have to prepare a feast. So, you...

Well, I suppose there's a chance that he'll be mad enough to 
kill all the women and children, Rachel, but...

Alright, if it will make you feel better, Rachel, I'll call down 
to my camel drivers and have them deliver half of my gold and 
silver to Esau before you get there. How's that?

Then I'll owe you one, that's right, dear. 

Another baby? Rachel, don't I have enough children?

I do, but YOU don't. I think I understand. Listen, Rachel, we'll 
talk about this later. Right now, you have some roses to deliver 
and I have to call the shepherds and camel drivers. Okay?

Thanks, hun. Kiss kiss.

(redials phone)

Hello, Harold? Yeah, this is Jacob. Listen, Harold, I need to 
have you count out 2000 sheep and drive them over to my brother 
Esau, before he gets here. (looks through binoculars)

Yeah, I said BEFORE he gets here. Can you do that?

Good. Thanks, Harold.

(redials phone)

Hello, Omar? This is Jacob. Listen, I'm in a bind here and I 
need to have you drive half the camels loaded with the gold and 
silver to my brother before he gets here. Can you do that right 
away?

Good. Thanks, Omar. Oh, by the way, Omar, tell my brother what a 
great guy I am, huh?

You're a jewel, Omar.

Excuse me?

Yes, this is the one with the red hair, why?

Reputation? What reputation?

Well, I suppose there's a chance that Esau could reject the 
gifts, Omar... but...

Well, I suppose there's an outside chance that he could be mad 
enough to kill you, but, hey...

A pay raise? Ah, sure. Why not? If I'm still alive when this is 
all over, you can have a pay raise.

Good. Thanks, Omar. Goodbye.

(redials phone)

Hi, Mildred? Yeah, my wife is on the way over to pick up the 
flowers are you sure....

Listen, Mildred, I'd love to chat with you about that, but I 
have a few more phone calls to make....

Mildred, my brother is coming to kill me. Could we just put off 
this....

Well, if you must know, Mildred, the thing about the blessing, 
it wasn't really a mistake. I dressed up to look like my brother 
when my dad was ready to give the blessing to Esau. 

Alright, if you want to put it that way, Mildred, I tricked him. 
Is it so bad that I wanted to be in the line of the messiah that 
I tricked my father?

It is. Well, then, I'm sorry, I...

Well, yes, I suppose the Lord could have chosen the second born 
son to be in the line of the messiah. I hadn't thought of that.

Yes, Mildred, God can do anything.

Well, yes, including protect me from my brother.

Well, yes, I still want to send the roses, Mildred. Don't you
have them ready yet? He'll be here any minute.

Well, yes, Mildred, I suppose if the Lord wants me dead, roses 
and gifts won't keep me alive. 

And, yes, if the Lord wants me alive, even Esau is no threat.

So, you think I might be wasting all those sheep and all that 
gold? 

Yes, I just ordered 2000 of my sheep and half my gold and silver 
sent over to.... Mildred, I've got to go.

Well, if what you say is true, Mildred, I don't have to give 
away all that stuff. By the way, Mildred, cancel the roses.

Too late? What do you mean it's too late?

Rachel just walked out the door with them. I hope I'm not to 
late for the gold and the sheep. Goodbye Mildred.

(redials phone)

Come on, Harold, pick up the phone. Don't tell me it's too late.

(pause, redials phone)

I'll try Omar. If I can't save the sheep, at least I can save 
the gold and silver. Come on Omar, pick up the phone.

(looks through binoculars)

Oh, no! All that gold and silver. All those sheep. I hope Esau
realizes how long I had to work to earn those sheep. Well, at 
least he didn't kill my wives and children. Look at that! He's 
kissing all of them!

(puts away phone and binoculars, waves to Esau as if he were in 
the rear of the audience, shouts)

Esau! Esau, old buddy! (descends from stage exits to rear of 
audience) Brother of mine. It's so nice to see you again! How 
have you been? It's been a long time.


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