RAHAB    5'2m3f Rahab protects two Hebrew spies in Jericho

(scene: bare stage, all characters wear costumes from Old West)

(knock, knock, knock)

RAHAB -- (Texas accent, enters opposite from knock, leading two 
other prostitutes, who converse silently afar while Rahab 
crosses, exits, reenters leading Eli and Levi) Howdy, boys, 
welcome to Madame Rahab's cat house. I'm Madame Rahab. Come right 

ELI ---- (Yiddish accent, enters) Howdy, mam, don't mind if we 
do. My name is Elrrroy. And this is my sidekick Lerrroy. Come on 
in, Lerrroy. (motions to Levi)

LEVI --- (Yiddish accent, enters) Howdy, mam. That sure is a 
nice dress you're almost wearing.

ELI ---- (takes off hat, revealing skull cap underneath, smacks 
levi on shoulder as he scolds him) How many times (whack) I got 
to tell you (whack) not to talk dirrrty (whack) to de women 
folk, Lerrroy? (whack) (puts on hat, talks to Rahab) You have to 
excuse mine sidekick herrre, mam. He's been out on the rrrange 
too lonG und he's lost his manners.

RAHAB -- You boys ain't from around here, are you?

ELI ---- We surrre arrre, mam.   
LEVI --- Werrre from Egypt.

ELI ---- (whacks Levi) How many times (whack) I got to tell you 
(whack) I do de talkinG?!

RAHAB -- You two is Hebrews, ain't you?

ELI ---- No, mam.            
LEVI --- How did she know?

ELI ---- (whacks Levi) How many times (whack) I got to tell you 
(whack) I do de talkinG?! (to Rahab) We don't know nothin' 'bout 
no Hebrews, mam.

RAHAB -- It don't matter to me one way or 'tother, boys. 
Everbody's welcome here at Madame Rahab's.

LEVI --- Maybe, ve should tell, her, Eli.

ELI ---- (whacks Levi) How many times (whack) I got to tell you 
(whack) not to call me Eli (whack) in front of strrraangers?! 

RAHAB -- It's okay, boys, your secret is safe with me. What are 
you doin' here in Jericho?

ELI ---- Ve vas just a mosyin' on through, mam.   
LEVI --- Ve came to spy on de promised land.

ELI ---- (whacks Levi) How many times (whack) I got to tell you 
(whack) not to tell people vhat ve're doinG here?! (whack)

RAHAB -- Everybody in Jericho has heard about the way your god 
opened up the Red Sea and let you pass on dry land, then he 
drowned them Egyptians.

ELI ---- Madame Rahab, please don't tell nobody about us? Ve 
arrre at yourrr merrrcy.

LEVI --- Them sure is pretty girls. (points to girls)

ELI ---- (whacks Levi) How many times (whack) I got to tell you 
(whack) that ve areee not herrre forrr dat sort of thing?!

RAHAB -- Listen, boys, I don't want no trouble. Your god ain't 
like no other god I ever seen before. He don't just sit there 
and look at you from up on some shelf. He's a powerful god. So, 
if you two will put in a good word for me with your god, I'll 
help you spy out the land here. You promise not to harm me and 
my girls?

ELI ---- Honest injun, Madame Rahab. Vhen ve conquer Jericho, ve 
vill leave yourrr house and your girls untouched.

LEVI --- (wanders over to girls, reaches out to touch one)

ELI ---- (whacks Levi) I said ve leave the girls untouched! 

(knock, knock, knock, knock)

RAHAB -- (whispers) That must be the sheriff. Somebody must have 
seen you come in here. (points to exit) Quick, you two, up on 
the roof, hide under the pile of rags.

LEVI --- (whispers, exiting, pointing) You girls want to hide 
with us under the rags?

ELI ---- (whacks Levi, exiting) How many times (whack) I got to 
tell you (whack) we ain't herrre for that?! (whack)

RAHAB -- (exit, reenters backward with Sheriff) Howdy, sheriff, 
what brings you out at this time of night?

SHERIFF- (points over shoulder) Evenin', Rahab. One of your 
neighbors reported seein' a couple of them Hebrews in the 
neighborhood. You seen 'em? (crosses)

RAHAB -- (follows, motions to girls to stop Sheriff at exit) 
Why, yes, sheriff, they was a couple of boys in here claimed 
they was from Egypt, but they was in and outa here in no time. 
If they was Hebrews, I speck they's headed for the hills by now. 
(tries unsuccessfully to pull him back to the door)

SHERIFF- Which was was they headed?

RAHAB -- (smiles knowingly, stroking his face with a finger) 
Why, Sheriff, I don't ask you where you're headed after you 
leave here, do I,... Sheriff?

SHERIFF- (looks both ways) Shshshsh. (whispers) Rahab! You don't 
have to talk so loud, do ya, hun? (aloud, crossing back) Well, I 
speck if they came up from Egypt, they went thataway. (points to 
exit) I'll send a posse after 'em. (exiting) Good night, ladies.

RAHAB -- (follows) Good night, Sheriff. (reenters, motions to 
girls, girls exit, whispers, crossing) Okay, tell the boys they 
can come down from the roof now.

ELI ---- (enters with Levi) We arrre much obliged to you, 
Madame Rahab.

(girls enter with rope, hand it to Eli) 

RAHAB -- You'd better use this rope to lower yourselves to the 
ground from my window. The sheriff is sending his posse north. 
So, your best bet is to head west.

ELI ---- Our lord will trrreat you kindly, Madame Rahab. He may 
even put you into the line of the messiah.

RAHAB -- Nothin' would please me more.

ELI ---- (hands Levi one end of rope) You go first, Levi.

LEVI --- (backing off stage) Eli, does this mean ve don't get to 
do some schmoozing with de girls?

ELI ---- (follows holding rope taught) How many times I got to 
tell you, ve didn't come herrre to do such things?! (let's go of 

LEVI --- (fall-away scream from offstage) Aaaaah!

(all three women gasp, run to exit ahead of Eli)

ELI ---- (dusts off hands, exiting) Looks like I von't have to 
tell him no more.

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