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MOSES    5'2m0f Two ad agents want to publish Moses' new Torah

Harry -- (in audience) Thanks for coming, Mr Moses. Have a seat 
right here. Ready when you are, Larry. (to stage)

Larry -- (on stage) Right you are, Harry. Mr Moses we were sorry 
to hear that your brother couldn't make it here today. We 
understand that you need him along side because you have a, 
ah... a, ah....

Harry -- Speech impediment, Larry?

Larry -- Right you are, Harry. A speech impediment. Feel free to 
communicate through Harry, there, as you would through your 
brother, ah.... through your brother, ah....

Harry -- That's Aaron, Larry.

Larry -- Right you are, Harry. Aaron. Yes, of course. Anyway, 
let us get right to the point, Mr Moses. We think you are 
sitting on a veritable gold mine here, Mr Moses. We here at the 
public relations firm of Harry, Larry, Barry, Mary, Sherry, 
Carry, Cherry, Terry, Jerry and Gary have examined your 
manuscripts thoroughly. We think there's enormous potential in 
the market place for books like these. We think that if you play 
your cards right, Mr Moses, you could make yourself a lot of 
rubles.

Harry -- That's shekels, Larry.

Larry -- Right you are, Harry. There's a lot of shekels to be 
made from the books you've written, Mr Moses. And here is our 
strategy: we publish your first book, ah... your first book, 
ah...

Harry -- That's the Genesis, Larry.

Larry -- Right you are, Harry. We publish the book of Genesis 
just before Christmas and sew up the gift market, launching your 
career as successful author.

Harry -- Then in March we publish Genesis as a paperback. We 
envision a hard-hitting nationwide ad campaign that would sound 
something like this: (both use their announcer's voices)

Larry -- Now in paperback from Bantam Books...

Harry -- From the author of the ten commandments...

Larry -- From the man who parted the Red Sea...

Harry -- Moses brings you...

Larry -- (Reverberating) Genesis...

Harry -- The book everybody has been talking about...

Larry -- A spectacular saga...

Harry -- Every word is true, but stranger than fiction...

Larry -- You'll read about unabashed nudity in the garden...

Harry -- The killer flood...

Larry -- Eight survivors trapped on a boat with wild animals...

Harry -- Lust and moral decay in two cities that are later
devastated...

Larry -- Leaving only three survivors. Then, later,...

Harry -- A father is about to sacrifice his own son in a bazaar 
religious ritual...

Larry -- All this and more in (Reverberating) GENESIS by Moses...

Harry -- Now at your local news stand...

Larry -- Or at a book store near you.

Harry -- (pauses, looks to Moses in the audience) Well, Mr 
Moses, what do you think? (to Larry) Larry, he wants to publish 
all five books in one volume.

Larry -- We've heard that concept before, Mr Moses. The volume 
would be called the ah... the ah...

Harry -- The Torah, Larry?

Larry -- Rights you are, Harry, the Torah. 

Harry -- But we think there's more potential in separate 
volumes, Mr Moses.

Larry -- Right you are, Harry. Now after all five books have 
been published, we see a ready market out there for the 
sophisticated collector.

Harry -- Again, we envision a nationwide ad campaign. But this 
time a little more subdued and elegant.

Larry -- (announcer's voice) At last, collectables that are both 
good looking and useful. Now, from Franklin Mint, in top grain 
leather with 24 karat gold embossing, all five books of the 
legendary author, Moses. Every page is edged with real gold. 
Highest quality materials and workmanship throughout. Each 
volume is filled with exciting stories for you to read and to 
share with your family and friends. Your guests will marvel at 
your historical expertise and your good taste.

Harry -- (hillbilly voice) Oh, look, the gold bound edition of 
the books of Moses. These people have good taste!

Larry -- This is a limited edition, available only through the 
Franklin Mint. One volume will sent to you each month. If you 
decide to keep it, you pay only $29.95. You may collect all five 
elegant volumes or you may cancel at any time. Operators are 
standing by. Call now.

Harry -- Mr Moses says he's not interested in collectables, 
Larry.

Larry -- Wait, there's more. Now we're ready for the lucrative 
kids market. We envision an advertising blitz on Saturday 
morning television that will sound something like this:

Harry -- (Frantic announcer's voice) At last from KTEL all five 
books of Moses now on cassette or CD, featuring your favorite 
voices. Here's Bugs Bunny reading the book of Genesis:

Larry -- (bugs bunny voice) Neyah...in da beginnin' God created 
de heavens and the de oyt.

Harry -- Here's the book of Exodus featuring Goofy:

Larry -- (goofy's voice) Ayup, ahyup. Then Moses stretched 
out his hand over the sea, ahyup.

Harry -- Here's Scooby Doo and the book of Leviticus:

Larry -- Ruf Ruf Ruf, Ruf Ruf Ruf Ruf.

Harry -- Yes, all these favorites and more can be yours for 
$8.99 per cassette or $12.99 per compact disk. But, buy all five 
tapes now and we'll throw in a set of Ginsu Knives. Now how much 
would you pay!?

Larry -- Frankly, Mr Moses, we thought the only thing that would 
keep us from a best seller in the kids market was the book of 
Leviticus. It's a little dry. We thought a teensy rewrite would 
be in order before we go to press....

Harry -- Excuse me, Larry, Mr Moses here says he's not 
interested in the kids market.

Larry -- Wait there's more. Next we attack the teen video market 
on MTV. We are currently in contract negotiations with Michael 
Jackson and Madonna to play Abraham and Sarah. 

Harry -- (jumps down from stage) Wait. Wait Mr Moses. Mr Moses, 
please. He's gone, Larry.

Larry -- Right you are, Harry. Let's do lunch.

(both exit)


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