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JONAH3   8'?m2f Jonah, backsliding, prophecy, salvation

LIZ -- (enters hurriedly carrying suitcase, sees Amy, covers
face) Oh oh. (turns, walks casually back toward exit)

AMY -- (enters opposite carrying suitcase, shouts, runs) Miss
Jonah. Miss Jonah. Elizabeth Jonah. (steps into Liz's path)
You're just the person I came to see.

LIZ -- (steps by) I'm sorry, I have to catch a plane.

AMY -- (walks along side) But I flew all this way just to see 
you.

LIZ -- I'm sorry, I don't have time.

AMY -- Maybe I can ride with you. Let me stop by the ticket
counter and buy a ticket on your flight.

LIZ -- I'm sure my flight is full. Excuse me.

AMY -- (Steps into Liz's path) Please, if you could answer just
one question.

LIZ -- (pauses) No. (steps by Amy)

AMY -- (runs ahead, turns, stops Liz) Why won't you at least
answer my question? There can't be any harm in that.

LIZ -- Yes, there can. (tries to get by)

AMY -- (stops Liz) What harm can there be in merely answering
one simple question?

LIZ -- Because it's never just one question. As soon as I answer
your question, you'll ask me another, then another, then another
and before you know it, I'll miss my plane. (tries to get by)

AMY -- (stops Liz) Please.

LIZ -- One question.

AMY -- Okay. One question. You ARE a prophet, aren't you?

LIZ -- (pauses) No. (tries to get by)

AMY -- But you ARE Elizabeth Jonah, aren't you?

LIZ -- See? What did I tell you. I answered your question and
then you promptly asked me another. (tries to get by)

AMY -- (stops Liz) Please, are you Elizabeth Jonah or aren't
you?

LIZ -- Yes, I am. (tries to get by)

AMY -- (stops Liz) But they said you were a prophet. Are you
sure you're not a prophet?

LIZ -- That's your third question. I have a plane to catch.
(tries to get by)

AMY -- (stops Liz) Please, I have to know. Do you know who I am?

LIZ -- That's your fourth question. See what happens? It starts
with a trickle and ends in a flood.

AMY -- Please.

LIZ -- Yes, I know who you are. But you don't have to be a
prophet to know who YOU are. You're that famous Christian Lawyer
who advertises on TV. "Amy Nineveh the Christian's Legal Eagle."
I even know your telephone number 1-800-GOTCHA. You don't have
to be a prophet to watch TV.

AMY -- Why are you doing this?

LIZ -- That's your fifth question. I never even got this many
questions when I was prophesying. (gets by Liz)

AMY -- (turns) So, you ARE a prophet!

LIZ -- (stops, doesn't turn) How many times are you going to ask
me that?

AMY -- Until you tell the truth.

LIZ -- Alright, here's the truth. A prophet is a person who
prophesies. I no longer prophesy. Ergo, I am no longer a
prophet. (steps toward exit) Good bye.

AMY -- (steps into Liz's path) Why did you stop prophesying?

LIZ -- Six.

AMY -- Excuse me?

LIZ -- Six questions you've asked since you said you'd ask me
one question.

AMY -- Please. Why won't you prophesy for me?

LIZ -- Because you're Amy Nineveh, legal eagle. If you don't
like what I prophesy, you will sue me blind.

AMY -- What if I promise NOT to sue you?

LIZ -- Well, that just leaves the harassing phone calls and
death threats. No thank you, I prefer to sleep at night.

AMY -- Please. I promise there will be no retribution.

LIZ -- You don't need a prophet anyway. The answers to all your
questions are in the Bible.

AMY -- Listen, I think I heard the voice of God. All I need from
you is to confirm that it was really God speaking to me.

LIZ -- Did you get a vision with the voice?

AMY -- No.

LIZ -- Then the voice you heard was probably not from God.
(tries to get by)

AMY -- (stops Liz) But you haven't prophesied yet. How do you
know that it's not God's voice?

LIZ -- Seven.

AMY -- Please.

LIZ -- You don't have to be a prophet to know that hardly
anybody in the Bible hears the voice of the Lord without seeing
a vision to go with it.

AMY -- I didn't know that!

LIZ -- Read your Bible!

AMY -- I read my Bible... sometimes. But I've never noticed that
before. Well, maybe, just to be sure, you could summon a vision
from the Lord for me.

LIZ -- Actually, that's precisely what I was trying to avoid.
Now, if you'll excuse me... (tries to get by)

AMY -- (stops liz) Wait a minute. Are you saying that the Lord
told you to prophesy for me?

LIZ -- Eight. That's way too many questions. Will you please let
me get by.

AMY -- No. I need to know what the Lord told you to tell me.

LIZ -- He didn't say. He just told me to go and see you and that
he would have a vision for me when I see you. And if I don't get
on that airplane right away, the Lord will send me another
vision and I'll be right back in the prophecy business. So,
please, let me go!

AMY -- No. I want you to tell me what I'm supposed to do about
my husband.

LIZ -- What about your husband?

AMY -- I heard what I think was the voice of God telling me to
divorce my husband and marry my law partner.

LIZ -- Oh, that's easy. The answer is no.

AMY -- So you did get a vision!

LIZ -- No. I don't need a vision.

AMY -- What do you mean?

LIZ -- I mean, the Lord would never tell you in a voice or a
vision to do something that he expressly forbids in the Bible.

AMY -- Oh.

LIZ -- You DO read your Bible enough to know what the Bible says
about divorce, don't you?

AMY -- (sigh) Yes. "What the Lord has joined together, let no
man separate."

LIZ -- Well, that's it then. I'll be on my way.

AMY -- But the Lord promised you a vision.

LIZ -- Yes, that's why I'm in kind of a hurry to leave. If I
hang around you much longer, I'll... (stiffens, flutters eyes,
shudders, throws head back)

AMY -- What's the matter?

LIZ -- Nothing. I'm fine.

AMY -- That was it! You just had a vision from the Lord, didn't
you?!

LIZ -- Nonsense! The Lord only gives visions to prophets. And
since I am no longer a prophet... (stiffens, flutters eyes,
shudders, throws head back) Alright! Alright! I'll tell her!
I'll tell her!

AMY -- It was a vision, wasn't it?

LIZ -- Yes.

AMY -- Did your vision have a law partner in it?

LIZ -- No.

AMY -- Bummer. What was it all about?

LIZ -- You have to promise me: no law suits, no harassing phone
calls.

AMY -- No law suits, no harassing phone calls. Just tell me, who
am I supposed to marry?

LIZ -- The vision was not about your marriage. It was about your
future. Your eternal future.

AMY -- What about my eternal future?

LIZ -- I saw fire.

AMY -- That's impossible. Fire means judgement. I won't be going
through judgement. I'm a Christian.

LIZ -- See what I mean? A prophet never receives any gratitude.
That's why I stopped prophesying.

AMY -- But that can't be right. I'm on television. I've got
thousands of clients. I do a lot of good in the name of the
Lord. Okay, so I mess around a little on the side and I play a
little fast and loose with the truth now and again. But I just
know I'm a Christian. I said the magic prayer. If you say the
magic prayer, you're a Christian. This is not right. You have to
look at that vision again.

LIZ -- My vision was very clear. If you don't make Jesus the
Lord of YOUR life, you've got fire in your future.

AMY -- (paces) This is really embarrassing. All these years I've
been boasting about being a Christian attorney without really
submitting to his authority. What am I going to tell them?
(stops) Okay, I'll do it. I'll submit myself to the authority of
Jesus.

LIZ -- You can't do that.

AMY -- Why not?

LIZ -- You're supposed to be ruthless. If you repent you'll ruin
everything.

AMY -- How will I ruin everything merely by repenting?

LIZ -- You were my excuse for getting out of the prophecy
business. If you repent, I'll have to repent too.

AMY -- I'm sorry to disappoint you.

LIZ -- (turns exits) I should know better than to trust a
lawyer.

AMY -- (follows) Hey, I have one more question.

LIZ -- That's nine.
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