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JEHOSAPH 5'2m0f Jehoshaphat defeats three armies at once

JUNIOR -- (enters, tired, crosses)

MORRIS -- (enters opposite, meets Junior DC) Junior! I was just 
bragging about you. (points over shoulder) My son the soldier. 
(bear hug) You make a man proud to be a dad. Welcome home. (pat, 
pat)

JUNIOR -- Thanks, Dad, but please don't call me Junior. 
Nobody calls me Junior anymore.

MORRIS -- Well, I heard that King Jehoshaphat led the army to 
victory over three combined armies. Tell me all about the war, 
son.

JUNIOR -- Well, I... 

MORRIS -- I know, it's not like it was when I was in the army, 
son. When I was in the army I fought shoulder to shoulder with 
King David. The Kings aren't so good with the sword anymore, are 
they?

JUNIOR -- Well, no, I...

MORRIS -- Why, I remember, I once protected King David's back 
while he killed 50 enemy soldiers is less than a minute. We were 
hip deep in dead bodies.

JUNIOR -- Last time you told that story, Dad, it was 40 in one 
minute.

MORRIS -- (clears throat) Yes, well, tell me about your battle, 
son.

JUNIOR -- Not much to tell, Dad. We won.

MORRIS -- Come on, boy. You gotta give me something I can tell 
the boys down at the barber shop. (points over shoulder) So, is 
it true? Did you really defeated three combined armies?

JUNIOR -- Yeah.

MORRIS -- The Moabites, the Amonites and the Meuites, right?

JUNIOR -- Right.

MORRIS -- And?

JUNIOR -- That's it. We won.

MORRIS -- That's it? What's the matter boy? Did you get injured? 
You can talk to me about it.

JUNIOR -- No, I came out without a scratch.

MORRIS -- You always were too modest, Junior. I'll bet you were 
a hero.

JUNIOR -- No. I just did what the King told me to do.

MORRIS -- Well, let's start at the beginning. Tell me about your 
training. How did you prepare for battle.

JUNIOR -- We got down on our knees and prayed.

MORRIS -- (laughs) You always were a kidder, Junior. So, tell me 
how did you really prepare for battle?

JUNIOR -- Well, we fasted too. We went for three days without 
food and we prayed.

MORRIS -- No, I mean, how did you know what you were facing? 
What about your army intelligence, your strategy?

JUNIOR -- Jehoshaphat didn't use intelligence or spies or 
anything.

MORRIS -- Well, how did he know how to win?

JUNIOR -- He inquired of the Lord.

MORRIS -- (under his breath) I knew he was a wimp.

JUNIOR -- He asked a prophet. The prophet said that the battle 
was not ours but the Lord's.

MORRIS -- Whose?

JUNIOR -- God's. The Lord God almighty.

MORRIS -- Junior, I don't want to hear about Jehoshaphat's 
locker room pep talk or all the rah-rah. I want to hear about 
the strategy. What strategy did Jehoshaphat use to win over the 
enemy.

JUNIOR -- I'm not sure. I guess his only strategy was to let the 
Lord win for us.

MORRIS -- Well, you had to have a strategy. Every army has a 
strategy. So, did he use a frontal assault, a flanking strategy, 
a pincher movement, what?

JUNIOR -- I guess you could say it was a frontal assault.

MORRIS -- So, did you volunteer for the front line, like I told 
you, boy?

JUNIOR -- Yes. I was the first one to raise my hand when he 
asked for volunteers.

MORRIS -- So, tell me, what did you do?

JUNIOR -- We sang.

MORRIS -- You what?

JUNIOR -- We sang.

MORRIS -- You sang?

JUNIOR -- (sings) Give thanks to the Lord, his love endures 
forever.

MORRIS -- I don't understand. They say you won the battle.

JUNIOR -- We did.

MORRIS -- They say not one Moabite or Amonite or Meuite 
survived.

JUNIOR -- That's right. There were bodies everywhere.

MORRIS -- Well, you couldn't sing them to death. How did you 
kill them?

JUNIOR -- We didn't.

MORRIS -- You didn't?

JUNIOR -- They were dead when we got there.

MORRIS -- Well, who killed them?

JUNIOR -- God did.

MORRIS -- Right. God killed three armies.

JUNIOR -- Well, actually, near as we can figure out, he confused 
the Moabites and Amonites into thinking that the Meuites were 
us. Then he must have confused the Moabites into thinking that 
the Amonites were us. They killed each other. Nobody survived.

MORRIS -- Nobody?

JUNIOR -- Not one.

MORRIS -- No way I'm telling the boys down at the barber shop 
that my son won a battle with three part harmony. You must have 
done SOMETHING heroic.

JUNIOR -- After the battle Jehoshaphat told us to carry away the 
weapons and supplies from the three armies. There were so many 
weapons and supplies that it took us, the whole army, three 
days to carry it all away. Boy, am I tired.

MORRIS -- That's it? Your big heroic act is carrying away the 
plunder?

JUNIOR -- Well, that's not all.

MORRIS -- Well, finally.

JUNIOR -- After we carried away all the weapons and supplies, 
Jehoshaphat made us sing to the Lord for a whole day.

MORRIS -- How am I going to face the boys down at the 
barber shop?

JUNIOR -- Well, it wasn't as easy as you think, Dad. Jehoshaphat 
didn't inherit King David's gift for music. He only knew one 
song.

MORRIS -- Give the boy a purple heart. He had to sing the same 
song all day.

JUNIOR -- I'm tired. I think I'll go lie down. (exits)

MORRIS -- Sleep well tonight, Israel, your army sings on key.
(exits)


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