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GOLIATH2 5'1m*f RT: David confronts the Philistine giant

(RT == Readers' Theater: requires little or no memorization,
little or no rehearsal. An indefinite number of reporters are
salted throughout the audience.)

SAUL -- (enters wearing tunic, sandals and crown, crosses to
podium) Good Morning. My name is Saul. I am the first king of
Israel appointed by the Lord God of Israel. The reason I called
this press conference is to announce that, after a forty day
standoff, our war against the Philistine army is now over.
Yesterday, our army engage the Philistines at Ephes Dammim,
between Socoh and Azekah. And, when we began to overwhelm them,
they fled. Their dead were strewn along the Shaaraim road to
Gath and Ekron.

REPORTER -- Your Majesty, you haven't said anything about the
Philistine giant known as Goliath. What happened to him?

SAUL -- He's dead.

REPORTER -- Your majesty, it's common knowledge that Goliath
single-handedly caused the standoff against the army of Israel.
In order to get at the army of Philistia, your army would have
had to get by Goliath, who was nine feet tall.

SAUL -- That's right. And once Goliath was dead, my soldiers
rallied and routed the Philistine Army.

REPORTER -- So, Goliath died at the beginning of the battle.

SAUL -- That's right.

REPORTER -- They say that Goliath's sword was as long as a spear
and weighed as much as a sledge hammer. How many of your men did
it take to kill him?

SAUL -- One.

REPORTER -- One?

REPORTER -- Are you saying that only one Israeli soldier is all
it took to kill the giant?

SAUL -- That's right.

REPORTER -- Your Majesty, it's common knowledge that YOU are
taller than any soldier in your army. Are you saying that a
soldier smaller than you killed a heavily armored nine-foot
giant?

SAUL -- That's right.

REPORTER -- Can you give us the name of this brave soldier?

SAUL -- They told me, but I'm not sure I... David. His name is
David son of... son of Jesse. That's it. He's from Bethlehem.

REPORTER -- Your majesty, I think there must be some mistake.
I'm from Bethlehem. I know all of Jesse's sons. David is the
youngest of Jesse's sons. He's just a boy.

SAUL -- Well, I wouldn't call him a boy. He's thirteen, maybe
fourteen.

REPORTER -- Even fourteen is not old enough to be conscripted
into the army. How was a boy allowed onto the battlefield?

SAUL -- He volunteered.

REPORTER -- And you let him go?

SAUL -- Well, everyone else was petrified of the giant. I
couldn't get one soldier to face him in forty days.

REPORTER -- So, the person who killed the giant was a boy?!

SAUL -- That's right. After Goliath fell, his fellow soldiers
lost heart and ran for their lives. The rest, as they say, is
history.

REPORTER -- How did a boy kill the giant? Even the longest
Israeli sword wouldn't get within striking distance of Goliath's
gigantic sword.

SAUL -- He used a sling shot.

REPORTER -- A sling shot?!

SAUL -- And five smooth stones.

REPORTER -- It took five shots to bring down the giant?

SAUL -- No. The first stone hit Goliath in the forehead and he
fell like a sack of flour. Then David took Goliath's own sword
and killed him with it.

REPORTER -- But you said that David took five smooth stones.

SAUL -- Yes. Goliath has four brothers. David was going to kill
them too, but they ran.

REPORTER -- Your Majesty, is it true that the Prophet Samuel
annointed David as the next king of Israel?

SAUL -- He what?!

REPORTER -- I have eye-witness testimony that Samuel annointed
David as King.

SAUL -- That's impossible! I am king of Israel! You don't
annoint a new king until the previous king is dead. Why would
Samuel do such a thing?

REPORTER -- Because the Lord told you to kill all the Amalekites
and destroy all of their livestock. But you spared Agag their
king and took some of their livestock as your own.

SAUL -- Somebody has a big mouth!

REPORTER -- I'm just the reporter. Don't blame me.

SAUL -- So, you're saying this kid from Bethlehem has been
selected to replace me?

REPORTER -- According to my sources.

REPORTER -- What will you do, Your Majesty? Will you abdicate?

SAUL -- I'm no quitter! This kid from Bethlehem.... He's just a
kid. Samuel annointed him King? Well, what do you know?!

REPORTER -- So, what WILL you do?

SAUL -- Well, for one thing, I'm going to keep an eye on this
kid... this kid....

REPORTER -- David.

SAUL -- David. He kills one soldier and thinks he can take over
MY throne?! I don't think so!

REPORTER -- So, what WILL you do?

REPORTER -- Have you thought about assassination?

SAUL -- Well, to my soldiers, David is a war hero. An
assassination would be interpreted as weakness on my part. And
once the assassination ball starts rolling, it could come back
at me. You never know what ideas it will give to other ambitious
people in Israel. No. In fact, I'll do just the opposite.
There's an old saying in politics. It says "keep your friends
close and your enemies closer." I'll hire David as a member of
my palace staff and watch him like a hawk. If he so much as
looks at me funny I'll.... I'll.... (looks both ways) This press
conference is over. (exits)

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