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GIDEON2  5'1m*f RT: Gideon conquers Midianites and Amalekites

(RT == Readers' Theater: requires little or no memorization,
little or no rehearsal. An indefinite number of reporters are
salted throughout the audience.)

GIDEON -- (enters wearing tunic and sandals, crosses to podium)
Good morning, my name is Gideon son of Joash the Abiezrite. I am
the commander of the army of Israel. The reason I called this
press conference is to update you on our conflict with the
Midianites and Amalekites.

REPORTER -- Just a minute.

GIDEON -- Yes?

REPORTER -- You called yourself the commander of the army of
Israel.

GIDEON -- Yes.

REPORTER -- I didn't know that Israel even had an army. The
Midianites and Amalekites have never allowed us to have an army.

GIDEON -- We have an army now. I organized it.

REPORTER -- YOU organized a whole army?

GIDEON -- Yes. And we defeated the Midianites and the
Amalekites.

REPORTER -- YOU defeated the combined armies of the two most
powerful nations in the Middle East?!

GIDEON -- Yes.

REPORTER -- YOU defeated the combined armies that were encamped
at Jezreel?!

GIDEON -- Yes.

REPORTER -- Their combined armies had over a hundred thousand
soldiers! How many soldiers did YOU recruit?

GIDEON -- Well, originally, I had twenty two thousand.

REPORTER -- Originally? You mean, you lost some of them?

GIDEON -- Yes.

REPORTER -- How many of them died in battle?

GIDEON -- Oh, I didn't lose them in Battle. I lost them BEFORE
the battle. When I told them that they could get killed in the
battle, ten thousand of them went home.

REPORTER -- So, you faced one hundred thousand enemy soldiers
with only twelve thousand men?

GIDEON -- Not exactly.

REPORTER -- What does that mean?

GIDEON -- That means the Lord God of Israel told me that twelve
thousand soldiers was too many. He told me that I should reduce
the number significantly.

REPORTER -- Significantly? How significantly?

GIDEON -- He told me to send all but three hundred soldiers
home.

REPORTER -- You entered a battle against one hundred thousand
soldiers with only three hundred soldiers on your side?

GIDEON -- That's right.

REPORTER -- But you defeated them?

GIDEON -- That's right. Thank you all for coming. (turns)

REPORTER -- Wait a minute.

GIDEON -- (turns) Yes?

REPORTER -- None of us has ever heard of you before. What is
your military background?

GIDEON -- I don't have any military background.

REPORTER -- Then, what qualified you to lead an army?

GIDEON -- God qualified me.

REPORTER -- You mean, God, the God of Israel, chose YOU, without
ANY military training, to lead the army of Israel?

GIDEON -- That's right.

REPORTER -- How do you know it was God himself who chose you and
not some figment of your imagination?

GIDEON -- I tested him.

REPORTER -- You tested God?

GIDEON -- Well, yes. It seem preposterous that God would choose
me. I'm a coward. So, I had to be sure I wasn't imagining
things. So, I gave him a test... two tests, actually.

REPORTER -- Can you tell us how you tested God?

GIDEON -- Yes. I laid out the fleece of a lamb and asked God to
wet the fleece but leave the ground around the fleece dry. And
he did. The fleece was soaking wet and the surrounding ground
was dry as a bone.

REPORTER -- What was your second test?

GIDEON -- I laid out a second fleece and asked God to wet the
ground around the fleece but leave the fleece dry. And, what do
you know? God did it exactly as I asked. So, I knew for sure
that it was God and not some hallucination.

REPORTER -- How on earth did three hundred soldiers defeat a
combined army of one hundred thousand men?!

GIDEON -- Actually, it was God who defeated the Midianites and
Amalekites. My men just went through the motions.

REPORTER -- What motions?

GIDEON -- We lit some torches and then covered them with
inverted pots as we approached the enemy camp and surrounded
them in the dead of night. Then, on my signal, we all broke the
pots and revealed the flames and immediately blew three hundred
trumpets. The enemy troops woke up from the crash of the pots to
see three hundred torches and hear three hundred trumpets
surrounding them. They thought we were three hundred legions of
soldiers surrounding them. They drew their swords and began
slashing. Unfortunately, in their panic, they began slashing one
another instead of us. They couldn't tell the difference in the
dark. In the end they killed each other down to the last man.
But not one of my men was injured. That's how I know it was from
the Lord. Are there any other questions?

REPORTER -- I would print this in my newspaper, but noone would
believe it!

GIDEON -- Thanks for coming. (exits)

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