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EDEN     5'2m0f Satan in the garden of Eden

RICH --- (enters, crosses to DC, British accent) Good morning 
and welcome to another edition of "Through the Ages." I'm your 
host, Richard Wilkins. And today's edition of "Through the Ages" 
comes to you from the Garden of Eden, where we will have an 
exclusive interview with the first in inhabitant of planet Earth, 
none other than Adam and Eve. (ends up in front of Satan)

SATAN -- (green face protrudes from low, green box or bush, 
Brooklyn accent) Do you mind? You're obstructin' my view.

RICH --- (looks around) Huh? Who's there? I don't see anybody. 
Adam, is that you?

SATAN -- No, it's not Adam, you knuckle head. It's me.

RICH --- I still don't see you. Say, wait a minute. If you're not 
Adam, then you must be Eve.

SATAN -- You think I sound like a woman? What a nitwit!

RICH --- I'm sorry, it's just that in all this lush vegetation 
in the garden of Eden I can't see anyone.

SATAN -- That's because you're looking around, Dufas! Look down.

RICH --- (steps aside, screams) Ahg! A snake!

SATAN -- Oh, he guessed it on the first try! What a pinhead.

RICH --- (screams) Aaaah! 

SATAN -- What's the matter now?

RICH --- Ladies and gentlemen, the snake is talking!

SATAN -- So, this is what passes for broadcast journalism?

RICH --- If you're a serpent who talks, you must be... Satan?

SATAN -- What amazin' powers of deduction, dumb nut. You must 
have read your bible.

RICH --- Well, I'll be...! A talking snake!

SATAN -- I'll bet you thought the talking snake thing was just a 
cute little story. You obviously don't take the Bible literally.

RICH --- Not really....

SATAN -- That's a good thing.

RICH --- It is?

SATAN -- Well, in my business...

RICH --- Business? I didn't know you were in a business.

SATAN -- You might say I'm in the advertisin' business.

RICH --- The advertising business?

SATAN -- Yeah, for instance, here in the Garden of Eden, I 
happen to be advertising a particularly appealing forbidden 
fruit.

RICH --- You mean, you lie and you deceive.

SATAN -- Hey, listen, Marvin....

RICH --- My name is Richard, Richard Wilkins, I'm the host of a 
show called "Through the Ages." Maybe you've heard of me?

SATAN -- Whatever. Listen, Marvin, it isn't like I grab people 
by the neck and drag them down to the lake of fire. How could I? 
I don't have any hands. (chuckles)

RICH --- Yeah, very funny.

SATAN -- Do I detect a little hostility here, Marvin?

RICH --- It's Richard.

SATAN -- Whatever. Listen, Marvin, I have a job to do, just like 
you. You go where you have to go, do what you have to do to get 
the job done. Right? 

RICH --- Yes.

SATAN -- Well, I'm no different. I go where I have to go. 
(chuckles) Except I have to crawl on my belly. (chuckles) You're 
not laughin', Marvin. Why aren't you laughin'?

RICH --- Because wherever you go, you rob people of their 
ability to live eternally with their creator. 

SATAN -- Shshshsh. (looks around) Hey, Marvin, could you keep 
the talk about the CREATOR a little low key?

RICH --- Low key? What do you mean?

SATAN -- Well, I've got these two naked people... 

RICH --- ....Adam and Eve.

SATAN -- Whatever. Anyways, I've got them thinking that maybe 
they was created by a process of evolution... You know, that 
mutation and natural selection crud?

RICH --- Yes, I know all about it. It's a big hoax.

SATAN -- Shshshsh. Hey, Marvin, can you keep your voice down?! 
They'll hear you!

RICH --- Well, maybe that's not such a bad idea.

SATAN -- Look, marvin, I've worked for weeks on these naked 
people....

RICH --- Adam and Eve.

SATAN -- Whatever. I've worked very hard to get them to think 
maybe they wasn't created, that they was evolved. And now, I'm 
this close to...

RICH --- How close?

SATAN -- Hey, I don't have any fingers or I'd show you how 
close, okay? You makin' fun of my handicap, Marvin?

RICH --- No, I'm sorry.

SATAN -- (sobs) Marvin, I'm just a poor little snake with no 
arms or legs. I'm completely harmless....

RICH --- Then why do they call you the prince of the power of 
the air?

SATAN -- There you go with the name calling. Let me tell you a 
little secret, Marvin. I got no power at all.

RICH --- Right.

SATAN -- Would I lie to you? Don't answer that. Okay, so I have 
the power of words. I plant a few words of doubt. And once I got 
them doubtin' they was created, I was able to get them to doubt 
lotsa stuff. And now I've almost got the naked lady ready to eat 
the fruit on the forbidden tree. So, do me a favor, would you, 
Marvin? Find someone else to interview.

RICH --- No. In fact, I'm inclined not only to interview Adam 
and Eve, but also to tell them what a snake you really are.

SATAN -- Alright, have it your way, Marvin.

RICH --- My name is Richard Wilkins.

SATAN -- Whatever. If you think you can change her mind, have at 
it. She's over there.

RICH --- (looks around) Over where?

SATAN -- (chuckles) That's a little snake humor there, Marvin. I 
don't have any fingers to point with.

RICH --- So, where is she?

SATAN -- (nods to exit) Beyond them two tall trees. 

RICH --- Thank you.

SATAN -- See ya, Marvin.

RICH --- (crosses to exit) Once again, ladies and gentlemen, 
we're here in the Garden of Eden for an exclusive interview with 
Adam and Eve, who are just beyond these two tall trees and... 
(exits, from offstage) Wait a minute, I'm back outside the 
garden!

SATAN -- (laughs) The advertizin' business is boomin'. (laughs, 
ducks out of sight)


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