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DINER    4'1m1f Eat at Jacob's diner and lose your birthright

ESAU -- (enters, sits on bar stool behind podium)

LIZ --- (enters, hands Esau a menu) Hi, welcome to Jacob's Diner. 
        What can I get ya ... Holy mackerel!  Your skin is red as 
        a beet!  You been out in the sun too long, fella!

ESAU -- Oh, that's the natural color of my skin. I was born
        that way.  That's why they call me Edom.

LIZ --- Well, hi, Edom.

ESAU -- Actually, my name is Esau. But, you can call me
        anything they want as long as you don't call me...

BOTH -- ...late for dinner.

LIZ --- Yeah, how clever.

ESAU -- Oh, speaking of dinner, I just came in off a hunting
        expedition and BOY I'm famished!  What's my brother got
        for me to eat? (studies menu)

LIZ --- Jacob is your brother?

ESAU -- Yeah, my twin brother, why?

LIZ --- Fella, you must have been away hunting for a long
        time!  I've been working here at the diner for almost
        two weeks.

ESAU -- Two weeks, that's about right. And right now I'm so
        hungry I could eat a skunk.  How about we start with a
        the T-bone steak?

LIZ --- How you want it cooked?

ESAU -- Well done. With them onion rings on top.

LIZ --- (exits shouting) T-bone steak with onion rings.

        (2 seconds of low mumbles, reenters) 

        Sorry, we're out of T-bones.

ESAU -- Deep fried chicken, then. I love the way Jacob makes
        chicken.

LIZ --- Baked potato, mashed or french fries?

ESAU -- French fries.

LIZ --- Green beans, carrots or apple sauce.

ESAU -- Carrots.

LIZ --- (exits shouting) Fried Chicken, with fries and carrots.

        (more mumbling, reenters) Sorry, no chicken either.

ESAU -- Oh, man! I could smell chicken and steak for the last 3
        miles into town.  Oh, well, what else you got?  Polish
        sausage?

LIZ --- (shouts, exits) Polish sausage!

        (reenters) Sorry, out

ESAU -- Egg plant parmesan?

LIZ --- (shouts, exits) Egg plant parmesan.

        (reenters) Sorry.

ESAU -- Then, I'll just have a plate of spaghetti.

LIZ --- Marinara sauce or Alfredo sauce.

ESAU -- I don't care! I'm starving!

LIZ --- (shouts, exits) Spaghetti with marinera sauce. And 
        hurry, your brother is starving.

        (reenters) Sorry. We're out of spaghetti too.

ESAU -- Oh, man! I'm dying here!

LIZ --- Sorry, fella, the dinner rush is over. We were about to
        clean up and go home.

ESAU -- Well, what DO you have?

LIZ --- We got lots of red lentil stew.

ESAU -- Good! I'll take the whole pot!

LIZ --- (exits, shouts) He'll take the whole pot of red 
        lentil stew.

        (mumbles, reenters) Ah, you got any money, mister 
        .... ah Esau?

ESAU -- Money? I've been hunting for two weeks. I didn't carry
        any money!

LIZ --- Sorry. Boss says, no money, no red lentil stew.

ESAU -- (Shouts) This is that thing about Dad, isn't it,
        Jacob?  You never forgave me because Dad liked me best
        because I was a hunter and you were a cook.

        (to liz) Get him out here, would ya?

LIZ --- Don't get me involved in your family squabbles. I Just
        work here.

ESAU -- Alright, he knows I don't have any money. What does he
        want?

LIZ --- He says to sign this. (offers paper and pen)

ESAU -- What's this? I'm signing over my birthright as
        firstborn for a pot of red lentil stew?

LIZ --- Sign it or don't sign it. It makes no difference to
        me. You're gonna stiff me on the tip anyway. (exits)

ESAU -- Alright... (signs, drops pen, shouts)
        there I signed it. Now can I have my stew?

LIZ --- (enters) A pot of red lentil stew coming right up. 
        (sets down pot and large spoon) There you go.

ESAU -- (eats, mouth full) Oh, this is good. Mmmmm this is good.

LIZ --- So, what do you want for dessert when your done there?

ESAU -- (mouth full) Chocolate cream pie.

LIZ --- Sorry, we're out of pie.

ESAU -- (mouth full) Banana split.

LIZ --- Sorry, no ice cream.

ESAU -- (mouth full, screams, picks up spoon, chases LIZ 
        offstage)


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