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CARMEL   5'*m1f RT: Elijah vs 450 prophets of Baal

(RT == Readers' Theater: requires little or no memorization,
little or no rehearsal. An indefinite number of reporters are
salted throughout the audience.)

JEZEBEL -- (enters wearing royal robes, sandals and too much eye
makeup, crosses to podium) Good morning. I am Jezebel, wife of
King Ahab. The reason I called this press conference is to ask
for the help of the press in apprehending a murderous criminal
who is a threat to Ahab's kingdom. The criminal I'm looking for
has never shaved his beard or hair. He wears a tunic made of
camels hair...

REPORTER -- ...Excuse me.

JEZEBEL -- Yes?

REPORTER -- This description sounds remarkably like the prophet
Elijah.

JEZEBEL -- It IS Elijah.

REPORTER -- But you called him murderous. Who was he supposed to
have murdered?

JEZEBEL -- He is responsible for the death of several religious
leaders here in the Kingdom of Northern Israel.

REPORTER -- How many religious leaders were murdered in all?

JEZEBEL -- Four hundred fifty. Now, you reporters tell your
readers that if they see this loathsome criminal, they are not
to approach him, but to report to me personally....

REPORTER -- Your Majesty, can you tell us how one man could
possibly murder four hundred fifty men all by himself?

JEZEBEL -- Well, he didn't do it by himself. He somehow
hypnotized the crowd around him to round up the religious
leaders, drag them to the Kishon Valley and murder them for no
reason.

REPORTER -- Your Majesty, Elijah himself is a religious leader.
Why would he do such a thing?

JEZEBEL -- Because he hates me. This is his way of embarrassing
me in public.

REPORTER -- But, how would murdering four hundred fifty
religious leaders embarrass YOU?

JEZEBEL -- Because I sided with THEM against HIM. Now, it's
important that this murderer Elijah be brought to justice
quickly as an example for others who think they can oppose the
royal family and get away with it.

REPORTER -- Can you tell us the identities of these victims?

JEZEBEL -- Their identities?

REPORTER -- Yes. Were they all Pharisees or Sadducees or Essenes
or...

JEZEBEL -- It doesn't matter. The important thing for you to
impress upon your readers is that a murderer is on the loose!

REPORTER -- Your Majesty, earlier you said that Elijah had the
crowd "round up the religious leaders and drag them to the
Kishon Valley".

JEZEBEL -- That's right.

REPORTER -- Where did he round them up from?

JEZEBEL -- What difference does it make?!

REPORTER -- My readers will want to know.

JEZEBEL -- Alright, if you must know, he rounded them up on
Mount Carmel.

REPORTER -- All of them?

JEZEBEL -- That's right.

REPORTER -- Four hundred fifty religious leaders were on Mount
Carmel?

JEZEBEL -- That's right.

REPORTER -- But Mount Carmel is a shrine to the foreign God
Baal.

JEZEBEL -- So what?!

REPORTER -- So, it's likely that these RELIGIOUS LEADERS that
Elijah had killed were all prophets of Baal.

JEZEBEL -- What difference does it make?! They were rounded up
and murdered!

REPORTER -- I'm not so sure.

REPORTER -- Your Majesty, did these deaths have anything to do
with the challenge on Mount Carmel?

JEZEBEL -- Challenge? I'm not sure I know what you're talking
about.

REPORTER -- Didn't Elijah challenge the prophets of Baal to a
demonstration of whose god is the real god?

JEZEBEL -- I can't answer that.

REPORTER -- Can't or won't.

JEZEBEL -- I don't think I like your tone.

REPORTER -- According to eye witness accounts, the prophets of
Baal sacrificed an animal and invited their God Baal to send
fire from Heaven to burn it up. But no amount of begging or
self-inflicted wounds caused Baal to respond.

JEZEBEL -- They only had six hours. It wasn't enough time.

REPORTER -- But when Elijah layed out an identical sacrifice and
soaked it with water, the fire from Heaven not only consumed the
sacrifice but also the water around the alter.

JEZEBEL -- Luck. That's all it was. Dumb luck.

REPORTER -- But what the demonstration clearly showed was that
Baal is a false god and so, the prophets of Baal were false
prophets.

JEZEBEL -- They just needed a little more time, that's all.

REPORTER -- According to the law of Israel, false prophets must
be put to death.

REPORTER -- Then, it wasn't murder. Elijah was merely enforcing
the laws of Israel.

REPORTER -- And since it was Queen Jezebel who erected the
shrine to Baal on Mount Carmel, isn't she somehow liable too?

JEZEBEL -- (exiting) Listen, I have some place I need to be....

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